Sending and Receiving Messages
In this section, we will explore our ability to create and deliver messages that demonstrate a concern for others and lessen defensiveness, or messages that deny the value of others and increase the likelihood for conflict and misunderstandings. Your verbal message, when accompanied by appropriate nonverbal behaviors, can enhance your ability to communicate effectively. Understanding the difference between confirming and disconfirming messages, and using supportive rather than defensive arousing behaviors will help in building and maintaining relationships with customers, supervisors, coworkers, and others.
A confirming message is one that expresses to a listener that they are valued and respected. There are three levels of confirming messages, which grow increasingly positive.
Recognition is the simplest confirming message. We recognize others by returning messages, responding to others’ verbal messages, and providing eye contact rather than avoiding it.
To acknowledge the sender means to actively listen to the other person, rather than listening just to respond.
The highest level of confirmation is endorsement. When we endorse others we communicate agreement. Even when you do not completely agree, you can often find some part of the message to communicate support.
We refer to the social tone of communication among individuals as the communication climate. While confirming messages help to build and maintain a positive communication climate, disconfirming messages do just the opposite.
Disconfirming messages are messages that show a lack of respect or a disregard for the other person. This includes ignoring the person, disrespectfully disagreeing, or insulting them. Responding in this way sets up a defensive communication climate.
Defensive and Supportive Behaviors
A defensive communication response is one that disconfirms a listener, creating a climate where it is likely that the other party feels attacked, resulting in them striking back. It is easy to see that disconfirming responses can negatively affect a healthy communication climate, but there is a way to encourage a positive communication climate. A supportive behavior is one that develops and maintains a welcoming, open climate. Sociologist Jack Gibb observed groups for many years and was able to identify six types of communicative behaviors that elicit defensiveness, as well as alternative responses that communicate support (Adler et al., 2015).
Take some time to review the six defensive behaviors and the alternative behaviors to create supportive communication in Table 3.3. As you review, reflect on your verbal tendencies in the workplace.
Table 3.3
