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i-Ready Brain Breaks

   You know what grinds my gears!? Brain Breaks during i-Ready testing!! 

   Who thought it would be a good idea? 

   A random monotone guy breathing into your ear is the exact OPPOSITE of relaxing. Brain breaks were supposed to help your brain settle down for the next part of the test, but it makes me more on edge!! 

   You can SEE the looks of disgust on your classmates’ faces during testing and immediately know that they’re on a brain break. 

   If you’re also on one, you make eye contact with your other suffering acquaintances and share the moment of grief and misery. The intense sounds of the demonic breathing sounds like the guy is sucking your soul out bit by bit. 

   Excuse me, but I don’t think humans’ breathing should even SOUND like that! He should go to the doctor some time to make sure he doesn’t have a LUNG DISEASE. 

  Also, why would they replace the shooter game of the dog in the UFO killing aliens with a BRAIN BREAK? I guess i-Ready has been wanting to step up its game and be more “educational” and “helpful” but it’s really not helping anyone. 

   And THAT is what grinds my gears! 

Snowmen

   You know what grinds my gears!? Snowmen. 

   Everyone’s favorite winter friend, whose twig arms look like they could strangle you in your sleep. 

   What a winter delight! Every year if it snows, you’re walking down the street, and you see EVERY SINGLE HOUSE has a little snowman in its front yard. They just watch you as you pass by, and their eyes seem to track you as you resist taking a second glance to see if one is behind you. 

   Sometimes it’s just gravel eyes, but some snowmen look like they rolled in the trash. 

   The snow wasn’t deep enough as the snowman was made, so the snowballs picked up a muddy lake that makes the snowball more of a pig’s playpen. Adding to this, some kid thought it was a good idea to put whatever items they see lying around for the eyes and mouth. 

   Um, excuse me? What’s wrong with a CLASSIC SNOWMAN? 

   And there’s always these little kids running around pretending that the snowman is actually alive, like some sort of live-action “Frosty the Snowman.” All they’re doing is setting themselves up for a lot of tears when the sun comes out. 

   And THAT is what grinds my gears!

Puns

   You know what grinds my gears!? Puns. 

   Don’t forget, this includes pickup lines and dad jokes. 

   Whenever anyone tells cheesy jokes, it can be funny. But if you tell anyone, especially me, a joke that is too cheesy, you’re going to get that tug in your chest that’ll send you to the hospital. 

   You know exactly what it is, and you can NEVER explain it. Next up is the pickup lines. The worst one ever that I’ve heard is one that my friend Joon Ahn told me, "Hey, I need help with a math problem. It’s x*u=25. I think x is 15 because you a 10.” UUGGGGHHHH! 

    It hurts my heart. Finally, dad jokes. The,” ‘Dad, I’m hungry’...’ Hi Hungry, I’m Dad,’ ” joke is one of the main things that physically hurts my heart. They used to be so funny in my head, but whenever someone said it, I feel like throwing up. 

   I like the wholesome jokes, inside jokes you have with friends. 

   My friends and I have fun, annoying nicknames for each other, and it’s funny. If only this world had never created such horrible puns, I would be so happy right now. 

   And THAT is what grinds my gears! 

Boomers

   You know what grinds my gears!? Boomers... 

   Yeah, sure, they have raised us to become the successful teenagers that we are. But why must they criticize us (Millennials too) on everything? 

   It’s funny how they complain that Gen Z kids don’t know how to write in cursive, but I don’t hear us complaining when you ask how to connect to the WiFi every time you log in. 

   You can’t even talk back to them, unless you want to hear a full on lecture about how disrespectful this generation is. And, I’m sure you’ve had that situation where you complain about having a stomach ache, and they respond with, “It’s because you’re on your phone too long.” 

   How does that relate to my stomach ache? They say how easy we have it these days, yet you went to college graduating high school with straight C’s and D’s, and no extracurriculars. 

   Nowadays, many colleges require you to have a 4.0 GPA and a language course, along with clubs and a good score on the SAT. 

   Boomers, stop complaining about our generation... just be happy we are here to continue your legacy. 

   And THAT is what grinds my gears! 

Axolotls 

   You know what grinds my gears? Axolotls. 

   Their beady little eyes look like they are looking into my soul trying to find my darkest and deepest secrets. 

   I mean, their eyes look like counterfeit eyes of an iguana’s that was made illegally and was damaged during shipping to the place where they make axolotls. 

   I mean, look at that smile, doesn’t the smile remind you of the one and only Chucky before it ends your life?? Because it sure does to me! 

   The weird antennas sticking out of its head, called external gills, make it look like a failed experiment of Area 51.

    I believe that their antennas connect to a civilization on the other side of the milky way giving little pieces of information about us so they can one day take over our society and show how dominant they are. 

   Anyways, WHY DO THEY HAVE LEGS? LIKE YOU BARELY MOVE ANYWAYS!!! Last time I checked, Petco, in the aquatic section, all the “animals” that stay forever in the water don’t have freaking legs. 

   You think you’re too special to not have legs?? Get a freaking life you snobby axolotls. 

   And THAT is what grinds my gears. 

 Non-Hole Punched Papers 

   You know what grinds my gears!? Teachers who don’t hole punch papers. This year our school has implemented AVID with a big focus on organization, hence the binder checks. 

   You would think teachers would now find it necessary to hole punch their handouts/assignments. But no, they hand it out without whole punching it and your life becomes a Choose Your Own Adventure. 

   If you choose the first option, turn to page 52 and create a pile of papers on a desk at home or in a folder. As time passes, the stack becomes a disorganized vortex where all lost papers end up. 

   With the second option, flip back to page 18 and place the papers between two hole punched papers in your binder. While this seems like a good option, there is a high chance of the paper being lost, wet, or crumpled. 

   Despite all these choices and struggles students have to go through, teachers still insist that the reason you inevitably lost the paper is because, "you just can't keep track of things." 

   You might as well have created a third option: just recycle the paper the moment you step out of class. 

   And THAT is what grinds my gears!

Extra Long Fingernails 

   You know what grinds my gears!? Extra Long Fingernails! 

   Have you ever been doing a test on your chromebook and suddenly hear the loud CLICK CLACK , of your classmate with gigantic fingernails? I know I have. The last time I checked, fingernails were not supposed to imitate Freddy Kreuger, they were just a part of your finger. 

   But girls everywhere believe it is necessary to have their nails look like cats when they get angry. 

   What happens if you try to reach for something and your precious claws gets stuck and rips off of your nail? It probably hurts a lot, huh? What’s the point of even having gigantic nails, for the looks? 

   Or as a defense mechanism like, "Woah don’t come near me, or I’ll go Freddy Kreuger on your face!" Or what happens if you’re using pencil and paper and you can’t write because your extra long fingernails prevent you from being able to write? 

   What are you going to do? Type on your Chromebook and disrupt the class even more? 

   It just doesn’t seem like the smartest choice to have fatal weapons on your fingers, ready to either hurt or distract others. 

   And that’s what GRINDS MY GEARS!  

Coins 

   You know what grinds my gears? Coins. 

   That’s right folks, I despise our country’s lowest form of currency, but for valid reasons! The times have changed. We live in an era where nearly everyone has a bank account! 

   Over the years we have developed fancy technology called credit and debit cards. You could even pay for items using a watch! If all else fails, use an IOU. 

   Whatever you do, DON’T REVERT TO THOSE PIECES OF METAL YOU CALL COINS. 

   We must also address that coins are the Harry Houdini of money. 

   Imagine, you bring exactly six quarters to purchase hot cocoa at the Dog House for you and your two friends, only to discover one of the quarters has disappeared, never to be heard from again! You sadly return, sipping two hot cocoas by yourself. This proves coins are evil creatures that must be locked up! 

   I must present to you the most obvious reason of all. Coins are DISGUSTING (no offense to Abraham Lincoln or any of the other heads). They are gross and dirty. 

   No one knows where a coin has been, it could have been stuck to a wad of gum before you received it! If coins are banned piggie banks will starve to death, but that is a small price to pay for the GOOD OF HUMANITY! 

   And that’s what grinds my gears!

Hippopotamuses 

   Do you want to know what grinds my gears? Hippopotamuses. 

   Seriously, who came up with the idea to name them “hippopotamuses”? It’s long and hard to spell, and just calling them “hippos” makes you seem like a kindergartner just learning about animals. 

   They’re also super fat, but they somehow have the ability to run super fast and they will attack you if you get near their home territory. This just shouldn’t be possible or allowed. 

   Hippopotamuses should be slow, gentle creatures but no. They are fast and will step on you. They are herbivores, but they will not hesitate to kill an intruder on their land, and yet they don’t look like they would or could. 

   Hippopotamuses are also boring, and they don’t do anything when they’re not stomping on people. 

   I understand that they live in warmer climates, but do they really have to spend so much time swimming around in the water? And then they attack other animals that want to use that water? 

   I’m sorry, but that’s greedy and rude! Let some other animals have a drink for a while, maybe even wash themselves in your water. But the hippopotamuses just hoard it for themselves. 

   And that, my friends, is what grinds my gears.  

Minecraft vs. Fortnite 

   Do you know what grinds my gears? The whole Minecraft vs. Fortnite argument. 

   Both Minecraft and Fortnite are good games, so why do we need to argue over them? 

   Each game has their own fanbases and unique gameplay features, there’s absolutely no reason you should ridicule or bully someone for liking a game! 

   Adult men online have been harassing innocent kids just enjoying a game they like. You heard me right. Adult men. At what point in your life would you choose to bully a kid for their interests! 

   Hot take, how about we maybe not harass kids? I thought that was common knowledge, but no, people decided to target kids for a small hobby. Minecraft and Fortnite both have their strengths and their issues. 

   Minecraft is an open-world game with almost no end, but it can get repetitive a while. They’ve even added microtransactions. 

   Fortnite is a third-person shooter with interesting mechanics. It’s a multiplayer based game, so it will end eventually. 

   The fanbase can be toxic and rude. Even though they both have their flaws, people should be allowed to like them without being bullied. 

   And THAT is what grinds my gears!

Groups in Hallways 

   You know what grinds my gears? People who stop and talk in big groups in the hallway. 

   Imagine you’ve just walked into the school building. Kids rush in from all over. You walk into the hall where your locker is and there lie multiple groups of people standing directly in the middle of the hall. Like excuse me, I’m trying to get to class. 

   Do you really have to block the ENTIRE hallway? There are so many times you can talk to your friends other than in the hallway, and you decide to do it in the most disruptive way? 

   And even if you only take up part of the hallway, kids opening their lockers and waiting to get to their locker blocks it up. Teachers try to break it up, but they just come back the next day. It never works. 

   And then, when you actually get through, usually being pushed along the way, there’s ANOTHER group of smelly, obnoxious teenagers caused by the first block up. COME ON! JUST LET ME GET TO CLASS! 

   If this wasn’t a problem in the first place, then there wouldn’t be any more block ups! 

   And that is what grinds my gears.