Originally published January 24, 2023

   You know what grinds my gears!? Relationships.

   I LOATHE relationships! What is the point?! I do NOT care that your boyfriend cheated on you Samantha! You were together for TWO DAYS! 

   Darren don’t you DARE write a love song for her on your guitar, YOU CAN BARELY PLAY!!  PLEASE STOP WHINING TO ME ABOUT YOUR ISSUES WITH YOUR PARTNER! These awkward gestures of “love” are going to make me disappear into the walls.  And no, I am not lonely! 

   These thirteen years of romantic solitude have been BY CHOICE! I do NOT want to see any cuddling near me, no sharing food like in Lady and the Tramp, and NO FACIAL EATING! Throw them in the bin. Hold on, I'm about to vomit over this. 

   Whenever a relationship ends messily, a personal tropical island of singularity opens up for me. The only relationships I will ever be happy with are, my parents,  Amity and Luz from The Owl House, and my grandparents. I will distrust every person my sibling brings home (If they ever), just CAUSE!  YEAH, I’M PETTY! Your crush? Low chance of liking you back. 

   Believe me I’ve gone through “love” you’ll get slapped in the face with rejection sooner than you can say “JK”!

   And THAT is what grinds my gears!

   You know what grinds my gears!? IXL.

   I detest IXL with all my heart. Who woke up and said, “Let’s make something so complicated for students that when they get one answer they get wrong their score goes ten points down. The students will LOVE that!!” BUT WAIT… THAT'S NOT ALL!!! Of course when you finally after those long years  get one right it only brings you up two or three points. IXL MAKES EVERYTHING SO COMPLICATED!!! You want to ruin your students' day? Just tell them you assigned them a couple of IXL’s. 

  You’ll find them on the floor, crying their eyes out because of their hate towards this horrible torture you’re putting them through. WHY IN THE WORLD DOES IXL TORTURE US LIKE THIS?!  BUT THEN THERE’S ALWAYS THAT ONE STUDENT THAT FINISHES THE IXL IN A MATTER OF MINUTES!!! 

   The thought of IXL is what keeps me up at night. It makes me wonder how I used to complain about Khan Academy and how it wasn't even that hard and worth all that complaining. Yet here I sit thinking how easy that was compared to now.  

   THE BIGGEST MYSTERY FOR ME WILL BE HOW I CAN NEVER AND WHEN I SAY NEVER I MEAN NEVER GET PAST SIXTY POINTS!!

   And THAT is what grinds my gears!

   Do you know what grinds my gears!? PDA (public display of affection).

   Couples kissing excessively in a communal area is extremely annoying. Like dude, get a room for Pete's sake.  No one wants to see y'all. But I guarantee you, absolutely compare to Valentine's day. Not only is there a bunch of lovesick teenagers holding hands and being all sentimental (ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING), the hallways and lockers look like hurricane Katrina swept through consisting of the stereotypical Roses and red heart-shaped boxes containing chocolate. 

    The horrors I've witnessed have been unimaginable. From continually holding hands like a newlywed couple to going as far as sharing a Starbucks drink using only one straw during the masked mandate. 

   But ultimately, Hallmark movies reign supreme at the top of my list of inadequate and unpleasant PDAs shown in movies. Ranging from the predictable plot of girl meets guy, one person does something completely idiotic, the person despises them but then forgives them which of course is immediately followed by the passionate, romantic, excessively make-out smooch. 

   With all the kissing and multiple times of hand-holding, Hallmark yet again reminds me why I hate the affection couples love to show.

   And that's what grinds my gears!