“What is one thing that you wish with all your heart you could do or be?” The admissions counselor asked me at the meeting. At the time, I had no idea what to say, but looking back on it, I know exactly what I would say.
The realistic version of me would say that I wish I had the ability and determination to go to medical school and specialize in sports medicine, but the bold version of me would say that I wish with all of my heart that I could just make a difference in the world, without caring about how much money I make.
Clemson has always been my dream school, and as I talked to the admissions counselor, I understood just how close I was to achieving my dream of being a tiger.
“I guess the main thing I would want to do in life is just make a difference in whatever it is that God sent me here to do. Whether it's to be a doctor, or a cosmetologist, or an actress, whatever. I really, really, just want to make a difference and be happy doing it,” I said with a shakeup my voice.
“Well,” she replied,”I think Clemson would be a fine school to start you on that journey.”
My heart began to beat faster. “Is she telling me I'm accepted?” I wondered.
“You will hear back by early next week,” she said with a smile, ”but relax. You're going to do just fine.”
I took a breath of relief. It wasn't a yes or no for sure, but I felt good about the way the meeting went, and it seemed as if she did too.
The next day at school
“Hey, Caitlyn! I heard you had a conference with the admissions counselor for Clemson yesterday! That's great news!” Mrs. Clemens said to me in the hallway, way too enthusiastically.
“Yes, ma'am. At this point it's just a waiting game,” I said.
“I have full confidence in you, but I think you should definitely consider taking the SAT and ACT again to try and make your scores a little higher,” she replied.
“With the most respect imaginable, Mrs. Clemens, I'd like to say that, despite your multiple confrontations with me telling me to take them again, I am not going to do so. It just seems redundant to me. My scores meet all benchmark scores for Clemson, and that's my top school, so why should I?” I asked.
“I understand, but I just wanted to put in my two cents,” she replied, unimpressed.
“Thank you, but I am satisfied with my scores!” I added.
“Alright! Until next time, Miss Dills!” She said, as she scurried past me to confront the dress code violators in the main lobby.
A sudden feeling of utter relief came over me as I made my way to the lunchroom. As much as the school food sucked, I loved having that 25 minutes to just unwind before my next class. It really was heaven sent.
“Caitlyn!” I heard from behind me, as I made my way to the lunch line.
“Oh no, I thought. Who could it be?”
As I turned to face my pursuer, I was pleasantly surprised to see Tessa and Katharine.
“Oh thank God!” I said, “I thought you were Cassy.”
Katharine giggled and said, “Gee, thanks!”
“What's up?” I asked.
“Nothing much,” Tessa said, “but Katharine brought filet mignon for the entire third period class, so don't bother with school lunch.”
“Very funny, Tessa,” Katharine said. “We just wanted to ask how your meeting went yesterday,” Katharine asked.
“Well… It went, I suppose.” I sighed,” she didn't really have much to say. I figured she'd like drop me a hint or something. Anything to ease my mind, but noooooo,” I said.
“My Berea counselor didn't either,” Tessa said.
“Mine either,” Katharine added. “But I am sure you will be just fine.”
As I sat down to enjoy my delicious lunch of doughy white cheese sticks, and suspiciously yellow corn nibbles, I heard my phone go off.
It was my mom. “Why is she calling me at school?” I wondered.
“Hello,” I said.
“Hey, sis. Just wanted to let you know that a letter just came in from…” (at this point, I was losing my mind) “University of North Carolina at Charlotte, and I'm not sure what to make of it. I mean all it says is ‘#futurefortyniner’,” she said sarcastically. “I'm so proud of you, baby.”
“Thanks, mom. That really is great news,” I said. I know she could hear the disappointment in my voice.
“Don't worry, dear. You're going to be Tiger Town bound before you know it!” She said, reassuringly.
“I sure hope you're right,” I said.
“Okay. Well, I will see you after practice tonight,” she said.
“Okay Mom, bye.” I sighed.
The next couple of weeks dragged on for what seemed like forever.
Finally, February 15th rolled around. The day that I had been both longing for and dreading.
I told my mom that I wanted to check my own mail that afternoon, because I wanted to be the first one to read the letter that decided my future, and what seemed to me, my happiness.
When I pulled up to the post office, I sat in my car for several minutes- just counting the blessings I already had, and praying that it was in God’s will to let me attend my dream school. I knew that no matter what, I was going to go to college and make something of myself, so that is all that mattered.
I got out of my car and stretched. As I walked towards the door to the post office, I began to get light headed. As I opened the front door, I began to run to my mailbox. As I bent down to open the mailbox, I stopped. I laughed at myself.
I mean- look at me, making a complete fool of myself. It wasn't a giant deal, and if I didn't get in, the world would not be over.
I opened the door carefully, and I searched through the junk to find my letter.
When I saw it, I stopped dead in my tracks. Here it was, in my hands, my future. I stood there for what seemed like ages.