Narrative of Halina Paszkowska

“I Gain Faith in My Soul”

Thus I hear myself become ash and crumble. Ever smaller in flesh I gain faith in my soul.

-Krzystof Kamil Baczynski, Oh you, my silent sadness, 1 November 1942, originally published in The Sarmation Review.

    Halina Paszkowska’s life has been a miracle in spite of the sudden incomprehensible suffering and death because her life is also one of short lasting childhood happiness, resistance, fight and resilience. These experiences left her with abhorrent memories but also a new perspective and with an unbroken belief in humanity and the spirit. She met us three eighth graders on a fine morning in March, 72 years after the beginning of the war. Even after enduring all the atrocities of the Holocaust, she seemed calm, composed, active, brisk and involved in telling us about her life.

    Before 1939, Halina Paszkowska, the youngest of a family of four, lived a quiet life. She lived with her family consisting of her mother, father and older sister on Plac Narutowicza, an area in the Stara Ochota, Warsaw. She and her sister went to a local school Her father ran a hydraulics office, and her mother was the assistant to Ludwig Zamenhof, the creator of Esperanto. Though Halina Paszkowska was emphasizing their Jewish roots, she described her family as not very traditional. They did not attend services in synagogues, and they had attained a strong Polish identity.

    In 1940, the Paszkowskis shared the fate of thousands of Jewish families and were expelled by the Nazis from their own apartment in Stara Ochota. They were then forced to relocate to the Jewish Ghetto. Halina described the conditions as absolutely atrocious and hideous. The streets of the ghetto were full of abandoned children. Corpses lay sprawled in the streets. As a consequence because of the lack of sanitation, many diseases came into play, mainly typhoid, claiming thousands of lives. Starvation was also a case, as many people had no money, and therefore no food. It was not an uncommon sight to see people

killing each other on the streets to get money and goods.

    Halina’s parents knew that staying in the ghetto would not accomplish anything. They figured that one of their own would, too, share a similar fate as those around them, and they couldn’t allow this to happen. The Paszkowskis devised an escape plan, along with the cooperation of other families in the ghetto. A tram, built before the war, cut through the Warsaw Ghetto itself. It did not stop there, but rather slowed down in certain packed sectors of the ghetto. Halina, along with her family and others, were to jump onto the tram, hide there, and jump off once they got passed the ghetto border. The plan was executed successfully.

    Once Halina and her family got out of the ghetto, Halina’s father spent his last money to purchase boat tickets to the small town of Staszow. Halina recalls her mother’s words as“Laugh! Smile! Have fun!” Halina and her sister did all they could in order to hide suspicion. Upon arrival, Halina and her sister were to be supposedly situated in Staszow for the duration of the war. However, rumors soon spread to Staszow that the Nazis were exterminating all Jews in Staszow and the surrounding areas. Halina and her sister ended up staying in Staszow for six months. They relocated to Krakow where they hoped for more safety. In Krakow, they were given the address of a trustworthy woman, a meat dealer, who could spare some room. Later, that individual said it was too dangerous for her, and asked them to leave. They then found an unused shack in the countryside, where they decided to stay for a little bit. Unfortunately, the police found them and Halina gave away the rest of

their family’s money and jewelery so as not to be turned in. Later Halina and her sister decided the best solution was to go back home to Warsaw.

    Once in Warsaw, Halina Paszkowska managed to find a decent shelter in Powisle, near the Vistula river. Soon after, in August 1944, the Warsaw Uprising began, the most awaited yet desperate resistance movement during the war. A key meeting point of the underground fighters was not far from her house. Full of enthusiasm at the age of 14, together with many of young people, she saw the opportunity to fight against the Nazis, and joined the Underground Polish Army, Armia Krajowa (AK), in the fight for Warsaw. Her sister never enjoyed the thought of entering the war, so she didn’t enter the AK like Halina did.

    Halina joined the group under the leadership of Rafal. Halina did a variety of different jobs in the Uprising, and starting with raising the morale of the Polish soldiers, such as painting the Polish Eagle on the German helmets they acquired. Later she was assigned the more dangerous jobs, and started the work of delivering messages across Warsaw. For the majority of fighting for the Uprising she ran through the battlefield, attracting as little attention as possible, with messages for the fighters of Warsaw. Halina also mentioned some other missions that she experienced, some of them very humorous.

    One of Halina’s most vivid memories to this day is one that took place in the Warsaw Uprising. The AK would sometimes scout in certain areas on streets which were “under fire” and check for survivors. On one of these scouting jobs Rafal and his division, including Halina, were sent to a building on ul. Smolna to do just that. When Rafal and his group got inside, they realized everything was gone, except for a very unexpected surprise: a goose, tied to the leg of a table. Just a goose, nothing else. After discovering the lone goose, Rafal and his group had to get to the other side of the street. However each was forced onto a separate path, in order not to draw attention. Halina had to crawl through a supposedly deserted shack, and she did, until she saw smoke rising from within the shack that looked like a trail from a lit cigarette. Now, at this time, if a cigarette was lit, it had to be a German, as all cigarettes were very hard to get to for partisans. Halina was still, so very still. Any sound could easily give away her position, unseen yet inside the shack. For what seemed like an eternity, she did not move a muscle. However it soon came to her senses that the smoke was not coming out in puffs, like a cigarette, but rather flowing, like a normal fire. Halina took the risk and proceeded, and she realized she was right. The smoke was coming from a small fire, not fully put out. Halina described this moment as one mission from which she thought she would not return. This experience helped her to begin to wonder whether she was saved for a reason.

    Halina Paszkowska is a woman with a story that needs to be heard. Despite her devastating experiences and suffering, Halina never stopped believing in humanity and her spirit has remained even stronger and more resilient. She never met up with her parents after the war, however that did not lead her to stop believing in herself and she told us that she “never lost hope” through whatever came her way. Halina is the only living member of the division under the leadership of “Rafal” and she is committed to come to talk to younger generations. Her willingness to come and talk to us has been a proof of her mission. She wants the world to be a better place, a place for everyone.