For Parents
It’s natural for parents to try to protect their children. But if your child has learning and attention issues, you’ve probably done more than most. Chances are you’ve had to stand up for his needs in and out of school.
You can’t always be there when your child needs protecting against bullying, however. That’s why it can feel so important to empower your child to defend himself. Use these tips to help him respond well when students act aggressively toward him or others nearby.
Use the word “bully” at home and when you see it out in the community. Encourage your child to use it to describe what bullying truly is. Bullying is serious, hurtful behavior that happens repeatedly. It also is done on purpose. And most of all, make it clear that bullying is not acceptable.
Remind your child that it isn’t OK for others to pick on him and it isn't ok for him/ her to pick on others. Not because “everyone is doing it,” and not because it makes him look cool around his friends.
Remind your child that when he sees someone picking on another child in person or online, he has a choice. He can be a passive bystander. Or he can be a brave “upstander.” As an upstander, he has a responsibility to report bullies to adults who can help.
Tell your child that this isn’t “tattling.” Instead, it’s acting out of compassion and concern for another child. And the more he looks out for other students, the more likely they’ll help defend him against bullies, too.
Assure your child that he won’t get in trouble for sharing his bullying experience with a trusted adult. That goes for incidents that happen to him or to another child. Talk through who your child could tell in different circumstances.
“When your child is somewhere safe, he can and should express his feelings. Bullying hurts, and he’s allowed to feel hurt.”
Help your child think through ways he could react to being picked on in different circumstances. Who would he tell if someone was pushing him on the bus? What would he say to someone who called him a name? How should he respond if other students exclude him from a game?
Tell him to:
Ignore the bully, when possible.
Walk or move away, if he can.
Tell the bully to stop in a loud voice. Even if he feels nervous, he should try to speak and act with confidence. This can sometimes stop a bully in his tracks.
Ask for help from friends or trusted peers.
Try not to get too emotional—this can egg bullies on. When your child is somewhere safe, he can and should express his feelings. Bullying hurts, and he’s allowed to feel hurt.
Avoid bullying back! Retaliating can be dangerous.
Always tell an adult (teacher, coach, principal, parent, etc.) afterward.
When a child is a victim of bullying, he may start to feel bad about himself. (This is especially true when bullies pick on kids who have learning and attention issues) The worse your child feels about himself, the less likely he is to try to make the bullying stop.
Empower your child to speak up for himself and become a self-advocate. Help him take responsibility for his own reactions to bullying. Ask him for his ideas on dealing with aggressive situations. This gives him a sense of control over bullies.
Bullying can take a big toll on a child’s sense of self-worth, so give your child opportunities to increase his self-esteem. Point out ways in which he’s special and help him to recognize his own strengths. Having that self-awareness can make him feel better about advocating for his own safety and happiness.
For teachers and IAs
Identification
Review article highlighted in the first column- "the difference between teasing and bullying"
Verbally or physically harass others, causing them to report incidents to adult
Engage in bullying activity, intimidation, threats
Be observed hitting, kicking, and repeatedly pushing others
Demonstrate Intense anger
Frequently lose temper or have blow-ups
Extreme irritability
Extreme impulsiveness
Become easily frustrated
Hurt or interact roughly with others during play, recess, or free time
Name call
Instigate and be involved in frequent conflicts, arguments, and fights
Value being seen as tough and one to be feared or avoided
Frequently be told on for conflicts, hurting others, etc, and deny any part
Not demonstrate guilt, remorse, or concern for others’ safety and well-being
Demonstrate relational aggression by starting rumors, positioning peers against one another, being mean to peers, blaming things on others, turning peer groups against an individual, etc
demonstrate threatening body language, like puffing up chest, clenching fists, and flinching at others
Have no regard for rules, discipline, or authority
Lack fear of getting hurt, fighting, getting punched, or hit
Engage in frequent fights and conflicts in the neighborhood
Seem to like and want to engage in fights and conflicts
Tier I Interventions
Before you start, a few important points:
Try multiple interventions
Try each intervention for a minimum of 4-weeks and over 1 intervention may be implemented at the same time.
Further details on each intervention is linked here.
Call parent or note home
Card Flip
Move to a new location in the classroom
STOP WALK TALK strategy
Take away privileges
Take away unstructured or free time
Talk one on one with student
Teach conflict resolution skills (counselor can support)
Teach coping skills (counselor can support)
Teach relationship skills (counselor can support)
Teach relaxation techniques (counselor can support)
Teach social skill (Counselor can support)
The short answer is: not usually. Most of the time, teasing is harmless. But when it’s intentionally hurtful or negative it can lead to bullying. Some learning and attention issues can make it hard for kids to tell when teasing is playful and when it’s mean and threatening. Here’s what you need to know about teasing and bullying to help your child navigate tricky social waters.
Teasing is a social exchange that can be friendly, neutral or negative. Done in the right spirit, it can actually be positive. When kids tease each other about clothes, musical tastes or behavior, it helps them learn to deal with constructive criticism. It’s part of how they relate.
There are two main types of teasing—endearment teasing and influence teasing. Endearment teasing is a way to bond or form a relationship. When a kid misses a dunk in basketball, and a teammate says, “Hey Magic, nice shot,” it’s endearment teasing.
Influence teasing is intended to change someone’s behavior. One kid might tell another, “Stop laughing, goofball. This movie is so stupid.” Both endearment and influence teasing are ways for friends to exchange harmless back-and-forth banter.
Unlike kids who are being bullied, kids who are being teased can influence whether it continues or ends. If they get upset, the teaser will usually stop. The comments were never meant to be hurtful in the first place.
Verbal bullying is different from teasing. It’s not done as a way to relate, or to make friends. Just the opposite. The goal is to embarrass the victim and make the bully look better. It may start out as negative teasing. But when it’s done repeatedly with the intent of being hurtful or threatening, it becomes bullying.
Verbal bullying includes calling a victim names, taunting and sexual harassment. It can happen in person, through texting and online, through social media and email.
Bullying of any sort is an imbalance of power. The victim usually hasn’t provoked the bullying. He also might not be able to defend himself. Bullies don’t back down. Their intention is to be hostile and their goal is to be in charge.
Kids with learning and attention issues are more vulnerable to bullying than other kids. They may stand out in school because of the extra support they get. They may show signs of low self-esteem. Kids with issues like ADHD may be teased or bullied for being disruptive.
A number of learning and attention issues can make it hard for kids to distinguish between teasing and bullying, or even realize there’s teasing going on. Some kids may also have trouble controlling their emotions if teasing upsets them.
Knowing the difference between teasing and bullying is key. You can help your child understand what’s actually happening, and how to respond.