Art design by: Molly Foster : page made by Karson D

Dad Jokes

Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems!

Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!

What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time!

What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!

What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner!

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
Because it was two-tired!

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese!

How do you organize a space party?
You planet!

What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!

Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!

Schoolyard Jokes

Why was the cell phone scared to go to the dentist?

He didn’t want him to remove his blue tooth.

What did the stuttering pirate say when he turned 80 years old?
Aye, Aye, Matey!

What did one bug on the windshield say to the other bug on the windshield?
I bet you don’t have the guts to do that again.

What do dinosaurs and the 9th planet in our solar system have in common?
They’re both extinct.

What do you give a scientist with bad breath?
Experi-mints

One Liners

Why did the jokes take a break? They needed to rest their punchlines. 

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Why don't eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!

What did the big flower say to the little flower? "Hi, bud!"

I went to buy some camouflage pants, but I couldn't find any.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I took a couple of days off.

What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!

Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!

Family Friendly Jokes

How do you stop a bull from charging?
Cancel its credit card!

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending!

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot!

What is the difference between a poorly-dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire!

What do you call an angry carrot?
A steamed veggie!

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole-in-one!

What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I've fallen and I can't giddyup!

Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
For drizzle!

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?
A father-in-law!

What do you call a man that irons clothes?
Iron Man!

More Jokes

Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!

I was going to tell you a joke about time travel, but you didn't like it.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

I'm writing a book about glue, but I'm stuck on the first chapter.

What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me.

Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter.

Try the seafood diet—you see food, then you eat it.

Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to go spreading it!

What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1

What state is known for its small drinks? Minnesota.

Knock Knock Jokes

Credit to://entertainyourtoddler.com/best-jokes-for-kids/        https://www.thepioneerwoman.com/home-lifestyle/a35617884/best-dad-jokes/#best-dad-jokes      https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/g36198919/knock-knock-jokes-for-kids/  https://yourteenmag.com/family-life/communication/jokes-for-middle-schoolers