Pronouns

Pronouns refer to the words people use to refer to someone when not using their name. Some trans and nonbinary people use he and/or she, while others use a variety of pronouns including they, ze, and xe, often to express an absence of identification with binary gender (as men or women). People’s pronouns can evolve over time. Try on pronouns (and names) using this pronoun dressing room. 

Common Pronouns

These are some common pronouns you might see! There is a vast array of pronouns you can use. You're not restricted to one set either.

Sometimes, the order of one's pronouns reflect a preference. For example, someone who uses they/he pronouns might prefer they/them pronouns with an occasional he/him. Some people who use dual set pronouns have no preference or some have a strong preference. 

Pronouns can be situational. This means that sometimes the pronouns that someone might introduce themselves with will differ, depending on the situation! Someone may not be out to a particular group and introduce themselves with pronouns that may not be what they have said that they prefer in private.  

There is a lot of variation in the ways that people use pronouns and prefer for their pronouns to reflect themselves, so you should always try to ask someone about the specifics that they prefer for their pronoun usage. It's encouraged to ask someone what they prefer and in which scenarios! However, be mindful that seeking this conversation with someone is not intending to be confrontational or singling the individual out; the goal should be to understand how to make the individual feel welcomed and comfortable. If you make a mistake, try to catch it immediately; correct yourself promptly and then move on. For example, "they—sorry, xe and I are going to the store tomorrow" rather than "they—I'm so sorry I didn't mean to misgender you I can't believe it I promise that I see you as—" because that's just awkward. Seek to reframe the way you see a person rather than simply memorizing that they use a certain set of pronouns.

Talking to professors and teaching fellows about pronouns

Occasionally, professors and TFs will actually ask you to introduce yourself with pronouns. Anecdotally, most of the time this won’t happen (apart from Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies classes, where it tends to be the standard practice). People have different relationships to this question; some don’t want their professors to know their pronouns, some don’t feel comfortable asking them to, and some do and find their own avenue to do so. You never have to talk to anyone about your pronouns. But, if you want to, you have a few options. If you feel comfortable talking to them by yourself, go for it. You can choose to explain gender to them at the same time, or you can just tell them your pronouns and, if you want, point them to resources. Alternatively, you can ask Sam Byrd (samuel.byrd@yale.edu), who runs the Office of LGBTQ Resources, to send emails to your professors for you explaining your pronouns to them. 

As of 2016, all professors are given a short brochure at the beginning of the school year with an overview of why pronouns are important and a few suggestions for creating inclusive spaces for trans and nonbinary students in their classes.

Coming out to your suite

There is no formal mechanism for telling your suite you are trans, but here are a few ideas. It’s also fine to wait to come out to them or not do it at all; what’s most important is your own comfort and safety.

• Most suites communicate before school starts. If you want to get it out of the way early, you will probably have a chance during your online introductions to say your name and pronouns. Some of your suitemates might know what that means, and some might not. The advantage of telling your suite this way is that they will have time to get used to the idea and even research transness before they meet you; of course, this plan could backfire so you might prefer to actually meet your suitemates and gauge the situation before saying anything.

• There is a lot of getting-to-know-you time at the beginning of school. Possibly, your suite will sit down to talk about everyone’s needs and preferences (and if they don’t, you could call a meeting). If you want to come out in person, this might be a good time to tell them.

• If you feel comfortable with your FroCo, you could ask them to help you by either telling your suite, helping you tell them, or facilitating an environment in which you are able to (for example, sitting down with your suite and going around to do name and pronouns).

• If there is one person in your suite you think understands gender better than the others, you could ask for their help in coming out to the rest of your suite/answering their questions. It can really help to have an ally who will do some of the work for you and will help your suite learn how to respect you (via pronouns, etc).

Again, there is no right way to come out to your suite. It’s also not something that you need to do if you don’t want to.

The PLs are also very willing to help you through this process if you're not comfortable talking to your FroCo for whatever reason.