We decided to explore the idea of anātman through a photo series/zine. Choosing two suitemates each as our subjects, we decided to conduct an experiment to attempt in good faith to ‘capture’ their essence. We clicked them in spaces they are comfortable in, doing what they usually do, in an attempt to cut as close to their (purported) essence as possible. To add to the pictures, we wrote down streams of consciousness tied to our subjects - bits of conversations we’ve had with them, impressions, judgments of their thoughts and actions, and their contributions to our own lived experience. Lastly, we also wrote an essay/meta-text on the relationship of the photograph as a medium to our exploration of anātman. 

In our photography, we attempted to experiment with different means of light exposure by adjusting ISO/aperture/shutter-speed and coming up with “distorted” versions of photos. The key idea is that our perception, our sight is akin to photography in the sense that it is manufactured and artificial, a byproduct of our bio-physiology. When photography aligns with how we see the world, we tend to view it as something that faithfully captures our reality. But we hope our “distorted” photos serve as a fertile ground for meditation on why this is indeed an illusion. The distorted photos aren’t any less, or more faithful than the “regular” photos or our sight when it comes to capturing the world. Ultimately, there is nothing to be captured, and we hope that our work can serve as a visual analogy to the fading away of the self. 

In our photo series, we present each of our subjects in distinct chapters, each chapter having the same internal structure, the same artistic choices, and ultimately the same message. Just like the suttas we read, we aim to use repetition to emphasize our point. As a result, we have created a visual sutta, repeatedly going through the process of dissolution, coming to the same conclusion: the self becomes blurred, interconnected with its surroundings, indistinguishable, until eventually, even the nebulous and hazy cloud of light disappears. Only the space itself remains. The subject is long forgotten. Eventually, the space itself disappears. The space itself is long forgotten. 

How is this dissolution Buddhist? It’s easy to not see any substance in the washed-out end result. But the gradual, perpetual process of particle-ization and merging is not anxiety-inducing. In the Snake Sutta, the Buddha says that the clinging subjects “grieve, (...) are distressed, (...) lament.” Our friends do not cling to the images we have of them, and neither do we. We do not assert them to be eternally captured within the fabric of the universe, neither by our eyes nor through a camera lens. What we observe is a calm acceptance of anātman. In the end, they’re gone, gone, totally gone - so their presence in our periphery is blurry but beautiful. Their lack of essence is itself gorgeous - and can be perceived as such without attachment to the image of dissolution.

The text within gone gone totally gone may be viewed here.