No-Self in Ethical Perspective 

Fay Lee '20, Ku Leuven

When I spoke at the Alumni Panel, I had just defended my master’s thesis and started a new semester of studying philosophy at the same school. I was feeling some unease about the upcoming academic year, since the first two hadn’t been the most stable. The idea of Buddhist no-self was also very much on my mind, since my thesis had been devoted to exploring the idea in relation to ethics. Given both of these background things, it felt like the opportunity to share my work with Sherice’s class came at the perfect time, which in turn made the whole experience feel especially encouraging and meaningful. In particular, it was heartening to hear Phoebe’s and Xing Hao’s talks and just be reminded that other grad-level people are also having a fun time trying to wrap their minds around Buddhist notions that can sound pretty absurd at first. It was also really fun to hear students’ questions in response to my talk and try to answer them. And, finally, I was surprised and happy to learn from Sherice that one of her students, Siddharth, was inspired by what I’d talked about and went on to read Dōgen and even write a paper on what it takes to ‘see reality.’ I then got to read and reflect on Siddharth’s paper, which was another very cool and perspective-broadening experience, since I could see another person relating to the same ideas I find compelling, in ways I hadn’t considered before—I could see what resonated with Siddharth and begin to understand why, and this brought out for me new aspects of no-self.

It was a great pleasure and honour to be invited back to give a talk for YHU3388 Topics in Buddhist Philosophy. It was never a given for me to be pursuing academia, let alone the unpopular topic of Chinese Buddhist philosophy. I was therefore very thankful that Prof. Sherice extended an invitation for me to share the often arcane but possibly life-changing ideas of Tiantai Buddhism.

I was drawn to study philosophy and the liberal arts because I wanted to live a better (dare I say, good?) life. Of course, growing up, this was an entirely Western conception; Aristotle, not Nāgārjuna, was the order of the day. It was only in coming to Yale-NUS that my eyes opened to the vast worlds of wisdom and understanding that are Buddhist and Chinese philosophy. So it was very heartening to come back to the place that so shaped who I've become and to give something, no matter how little, back to it. I hope my talk was able to convey some of what I've learned during a difficult capstone process—these were ideas earned through much suffering haha. With luck, perhaps they will prove helpful to someone, somewhere, going through difficult times.

When Dr Sherice invited me to give a presentation as part of a conference panel for Topics in Buddhist Philosophy, my first instinct was to politely decline. After all, I had spent the past year gallivanting in China, entirely ignoring the research I had aspired to do independently. What could I add to the conversation?

Whatever I could add turned out to be enough: some scattered thoughts on Diṅnāga’s apoha that I had started on during undergrad. The classroom is a place of conversation, and anyone with a curious mind and an open heart is a worthy conversationalist. In the giving atmosphere of Topics in Buddhist Philosophy (skilfully crafted by its thoughtful instructor), I was reminded that a graduate degree was not all that made a competent philosopher.

When I presented what I affectionately call my “silly little cow paper” during the conference, I was in the midst of a crisis about whether I was cut out for philosophy graduate school. The genuine joy I experienced when talking about my ideas and learning from my peers ushered my doubts out the door. Academic euphoria is real??? Regardless of whether I do end up in graduate school, I’m hopeful that there will always be space for this kind of learning. The paper is drastically different now, and not non-talking about it to my juniors (the precious last of Yale-NUS philosophers) was integral to its growth, and mine.

P.S. Because the paper was in such early stages, I would like to state that I no longer stand by some of the claims I made, i.e., that perception is ultimate. Sorry to the children I misled... 

[Editor's Note: Phoebe subsequently adapted this paper into a graduate school writing sample, and is currently a Philosophy PhD student at the University of New Mexico.]