Tracing Attentions: Somatic Explorations of Mindfulness

Exploring attachment through oil pastels

Tesha Sengupta

Xiao Ting’s Tracing Attentions workshop was a very memorable experience as I had never done anything like this before. The workshop came at a very appropriate time as it was during the last week of classes, when stress levels were unsurprisingly high. We began by noticing the space we were in, and then we moved onto choosing two oil pastel colors for our canvases (I chose black and red as they are my favorite colors).

I began the workshop quite aloof and lighthearted – I treated it as a time to relax and reflect on our Topics in Buddhist Philosophy class. Xiao Ting began by asking us to close our eyes and draw whatever we were feeling inside – we did not necessarily need to draw a representation of what was happening inside of us, but were encouraged to let the oil pastels flow naturally. I remember I began with the red oil pastel because I liked the intensity of the color and I just pushed down on the paper to get as much color in a small space as possible.

Though I started off by focusing on getting a very intense red color, my attention slowly shifted on my bottled-up stress about the upcoming weeks. I then started smoothing the rough lines with my fingers and spreading the color throughout the paper to try and cover the white. This process of trying to cover the white space brought attention to my stress and helped me grasp the nature of it and its root – namely an aim to perfectionism.

Before I could dwell further, Xiao Ting asked us to switch to our second color. I remember thinking that I wanted to create some sort of form and the only form I could think of was a fire. In hindsight, such an image was quite apt. By the end of the workshop, I had realized I needed to ‘burn away’ some limiting old habits to make space for more healthy ones. I began with the color black by spreading it across the paper and then using my fingers to trace out the flames – I found more freedom in using my fingers as I was able to sculpt the form more naturally.

Moreover, blending the colors and then tracing out each flame was a moment of reflection for me. I realized that there were an infinite number of ways I could draw each flame, and the essence of each choice was the same. However, despite the arbitrariness of the choice, I became aware of how I inevitably kept trying to figure out what the right choice would be. I was attached to making the correct choice, whatever that was.

In hindsight, the workshop highlighted how ingrained the practice of attachment is in my daily life. Having studied Buddhism in an academic context, I always understood attachment as a choice that occurs with regards to significant aspects of life (relationships, career, wealth, etc.). Partaking in this workshop demonstrated how it is more of a mindset which can creep in the littlest and most insignificant of activities. This helped me to develop a greater appreciation for the Buddhist project. The workshop ended differently than it began – I was more aware of my mental headspace and gained a deeper understanding of myself and my habits. The workshop helped to spark a reflection on my attachments at a very appropriate time. 

Notes from the Workshop Designer

Teo Xiao Ting '18