A couple more important items to add to the essay
In section 4, add some notes about. I did an entire video on transactional love. And even though my family claims to love me, they don't actually need anything from me. And thus they barely spend any time with me. They do not treat me with respect or dignity. They never just spend time with me because they love me. And that just shows how transactional love is that if you don't need something from somebody, then they don't need to give you any of their precious time or energy
Also, add in some comments about how incredibly difficult it can be to have such high levels of conscientiousness. An empathy and compassion in a world where 90% of people I was just selfish..
Often I find myself envying the blissfully ignorant people who can just watch football or play golf all day with just not any concern in the world.For anybody but themselves.
It sure does seem in that regard.That higher levels of intelligence are more like a curse than a blessing.
Mention the dunning krueger effect.
And how sometimes having more knowledge and intelligence? It's really just a curse, because it's like being a prisoner in a world where you're surrounded by other people who just are so ignorant and stupid, that they don't even know the depths of the damage that they do to others. But if you do have high levels of conscience and intelligence that makes you hyper aware
Of just how cruel and evil, the world certainly seems to be.
I really respect the dunning kruger effect as I am.So aware of what I know and I am aware of the vastness of things I do not know whereas stupid people think they know everything.
If given the choice, I would trade my immense intellect for a life of blissful ignorance and normalcy and not have to carry such a burden of knowledge and being aware of all the pain.And suffering.
Add in a couple appointments about how I do not feel respected or like my family treats me with adding sort of dignity that I deserve.
And just imagine the baffling confusion and the agony that causes.
Compound, the problem I grew up thinking that my family was normal. And loving only to discover to my horror as an adult just how
They treat me doesn't really meet the qualifications.For love.
Mention that when I joined the military, they have a system and a process for measuring your intelligence.Prior to entering, so they know how they can use you the best.
And I was kind of surprised when my recruiter told me he had never had a marine score. So high on the adzab, he never seen someone score so high, and I had just assumed he was lying to me. He probably said that to everybody, but I did eventually realize that I am likely in the ninetieth percentile of intelligence in the world.Which is pretty staggering.
That ninety percent of people in the world are not only a little bit stupider than me.They are far stupider than me.
But the 10% of people that are smarter than me are probably far. Smarter and more intelligent than me, like i'm not even close to the top one percent, but I am firmly in the top ten percent.
Combine this intelligence and my rather fine character. And morality and empathy and all the potential I had, and it was just wandered, because my family just doesn't no.How to love
Section 1:
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The Thesis of Loving Intelligence and Existential Isolation
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To attempt a serious discussion about human life, one must eventually confront two fundamental constructs: love and intelligence.
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For most of my life, I have observed the world through a mind that operates with high existential awareness, constantly seeking underlying patterns, logical frameworks, and structural truth.
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Yet, despite a deep clinical and philosophical understanding of human behavior, I find myself standing before an unsettling personal reality.
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I do not feel loved.
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In fact, after years of analyzing relationships, family dynamics, and human history, I have formulated a distinct theory: that love, as popular culture and traditional spirituality define it, does not actually exist in the physical universe.
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We speak of love as if it were a fundamental law of physics or a divine energy woven into the cosmos by a benevolent creator.
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But when you strip away the romanticized rhetoric, what remains is often nothing more than biological drive, transactional utility, or social conditioning.
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This realization creates a profound sense of existential isolation.
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When you possess high existential intelligence, you cannot easily fool yourself with comforting platitudes or sentimental illusions.
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You see the mechanics behind human action.
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You observe how easily affection evaporates when convenience ends, and how frequently those who claim to love you fail to extend basic respect and dignity.
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If love is an illusion, or at best an inconsistent psychological state, how does a person navigate existence without descending into total cynicism?
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The answer lies in the concept of Loving Intelligence.
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Loving Intelligence is not a passive emotion, nor is it a warm, fuzzy feeling that depends on the approval of others.
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It is the deliberate, conscious application of high conscientiousness, moral discipline, and intellectual clarity to the act of living.
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It is choosing to act with care, dignity, and radical empathy because it is structurally right, regardless of whether the universe or the people around you return the sentiment.
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It is the bridge between a cold, logical reality and a life lived with unwavering moral purpose.
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Section 2:
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The Deconstruction of Love — Ancient Greek Philology and Divine Agape
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To understand why the word love causes such confusion, one must realize how poorly the English language captures human experience.
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We use a single four-letter word to describe everything from our preference for food to a lifelong marital vow or a spiritual devotion.
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The ancient Greeks were far more precise, dividing love into seven distinct dimensions, each with its own mechanics and psychological realities.
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Eros represents romantic passion and physical attraction, named after the god of fertility.
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It is intense and biological, but inherently unstable when relied upon as a sole foundation.
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Philia describes deep friendship, a platonic yet profound bond built on shared values, loyalty, and mutual respect among equals.
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Ludus is playful, flirtatious love—the lighthearted feeling of early crushes and uncommitted fun.
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Pragma is enduring, committed love built over time through compromise, duty, shared goals, and emotional maturity.
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Agape represents universal, selfless love—the highest form of unconditional care and charity for existence as a whole.
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Theologically, Agape is defined as the perfect, transcendent love that God holds for humanity.
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It is a love so vast, holy, and pure that flawed human beings are almost completely incapable of fully achieving or sustaining it on our own.
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Philautia is self-regard and self-compassion, which can become narcissistic if taken to extremes, but remains essential for healthy self-esteem.
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And then there is Storge: the natural, instinctual affection and protective bond felt between family members, particularly parents and children.
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When a person looks closely at these seven definitions, a critical realization emerges about why love feels broken or non-existent in personal experience.
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If Storge collapses in childhood due to dysfunction, neglect, or lack of respect, the primary blueprint for relational trust is shattered.
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Without a working baseline of Storge,
Philia becomes hard to build,
Eros feels untrustworthy, and
Pragma seems unreachable.
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Breaking love down into its structural components reveals that what we call love is not a single magical emotion, but a set of distinct behavioral frameworks that can either function with precision or break down entirely.
Section 3:
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The Broken Contract — Respect, Dignity, and Familial Storge
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When trying to understand why it can be so hard to feel loved, the answer often goes deeper than a simple lack of affection.
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So much of it comes down to whether we feel truly seen, respected, and treated with basic human dignity.
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True Storge—that natural, protective bond between family members—needs emotional safety and mutual respect to survive.
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For love to feel genuine, it requires recognition—a gentle willingness to accept someone as a complete human being rather than a reflection of our own expectations.
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When our feelings, our boundaries, and our quiet struggles are repeatedly overlooked, even well-meaning declarations of love can begin to feel hollow.
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Many of us grow up assuming our family life is normal, only to realize in adulthood that the way we were treated fell far short of what care actually requires.
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Coming to terms with the fact that the people closest to us couldn't offer basic emotional safety brings a quiet, profound sadness.
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When respect is missing, relationships often shift toward conditional expectations, where unaddressed family trauma quietly shapes how people interact.
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Recognizing this breakdown isn't about holding onto resentment; it's simply an honest, compassionate look at why those relationships felt so difficult.
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It helps us realize that feeling unloved wasn't a personal failure or a defect in who we are, but a natural response to a broken relational foundation.
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When familial Storge isn't there to rely on, we learn that dignity and peace must be built from within.
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This realization becomes the gentle turning point toward Loving Intelligence—inspiring us to step beyond painful past patterns and intentionally cultivate the respect, warmth, and radical empathy we always deserved.
Section 4:
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The Currency of Love — Transactional Love and Personal Hierarchy
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Understanding the emotional mismatch in human relationships requires examining the specific mechanics of how care is expressed and received.
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Gary Chapman’s framework identifies five distinct love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
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When evaluating these through my own personal hierarchy, Quality Time stands at the absolute top as the most critical requirement.
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Quality Time means undivided presence—being truly seated with another human being without the constant distraction of digital screens or competing demands.
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Words of Affirmation ranks as a vital second, where sincere, truthful validation and spoken appreciation provide cognitive grounding.
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Acts of Service holds a moderate third place, representing practical help that lightens daily physical burdens.
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Receiving Gifts is appreciated for its underlying thought and effort, though giving gifts remains a challenge for my own style of expression.
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At the absolute bottom rests Physical Touch, a modality that currently feels uncomfortable and untrustworthy due to a lifetime of breached safety and broken boundaries.
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This hierarchy highlights the cold reality of transactional love.
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When family claims to love you, but needs nothing tangible from you, they rarely grant you any of their precious time, energy, or presence.
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If you offer no immediate utility or convenience, transactional dynamics dictate that you are forgotten.
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They do not spend time with you simply out of genuine care, proving that what they call love is contingent on transactional need rather than authentic relational bond.
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This structural failure demonstrates that feeling unloved is a natural reaction when relational effort is withheld the moment transactional utility ends.
Section 5:
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The Theory of Love's Non-Existence — Agnostic Christianity and the Intentional Choice of Hope
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When a person looks closely at physical reality and human history, it becomes hard to find evidence for love as a fundamental, automatic law of nature.
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The physical universe operates according to rigid laws like gravity, thermodynamics, and electromagnetism, none of which care about human comfort, emotional needs, or suffering.
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From a purely material perspective, what we call love can often be understood as biological mechanics—evolutionary drives designed to ensure survival and reproduction in a competitive world.
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When trauma, familial neglect, and systemic cruelty are so widespread, the concept of a personal, interventionist, loving God becomes deeply difficult to reconcile with lived reality.
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Philosophically, I identify as an Agnostic Christian because I find absolute dogmatic certainty in either direction to be fundamentally flawed.
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The rigid dogmatism of fundamentalist religion and the aggressive certainty of hard atheism strike me as equally plagued by intellectual hubris and arrogance.
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Having spent countless hours of intense mental energy analyzing the grand questions of existence—time that most people spend navigating daily routine—I have arrived at what I believe is the only intellectually honest conclusion regarding the divine.
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The ultimate nature or existence of God is fundamentally unknowable through human cognition alone.
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Yet, despite knowing from an analytical standpoint that a cold, purely Darwinian universe may be the material reality, I consciously reject absolute nihilism.
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I refuse to surrender to a worldview where existence is reduced to nothing more than a brutal, indifferent fight for survival.
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Even if analytical processing suggests a ninety-nine percent probability that the universe is unguided and unfeeling, I intentionally choose to lean into that remaining one percent of possibility.
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That deliberate one percent is an act of executive agency—a conscious decision to choose hope, meaning, and moral structure in a world that rarely offers them automatically.
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I hold onto the hope that a merciful God exists, and that there is underlying purpose and meaning behind our pain and suffering.
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If I am permitted to keep living, heal my body and mind, and conquer the weight of my trauma, I know I have a promising, meaningful career ahead of me in clinical healthcare.
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If love is not an inherent physical force built into the fabric of space and time, then care becomes a deliberate human creation rather than a passive cosmic guarantee.
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We do not wait for love or divine rescue to be delivered to us by fate or family; we generate care through intentional action, moral conscientiousness, and radical empathy.
Section 6:
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What is Intelligence? — The Burden, the ASVAB, and the Dunning-Kruger Effect
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To construct a meaningful framework for Loving Intelligence, we must pivot from analyzing emotion to mapping the architecture of human intellect.
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For generations, society has reduced intelligence to a narrow standard, prioritizing standardized testing, mathematical speed, and rote memorization.
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Yet, measuring cognitive capacity often reveals staggering gaps between individuals.
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When I joined the military, they utilized standardized testing to measure intelligence for proper assignment.
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When my Marine recruiter told me he had never seen anyone score so high on the ASVAB, I initially assumed he was simply exaggerating or telling that to everyone.
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Over time, however, I realized the cold reality: I am likely firmly in the ninetieth percentile of intelligence in the world.
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This means that ninety percent of the population is not merely slightly less analytical, but vastly less cognitively equipped, while the top ten percent above me possesses levels of intellect I may never reach.
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When high intelligence is paired with moral character, empathy, and potential, but squandered by a family that lacks the capacity to love or respect it, the result is profound waste and isolation.
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Furthermore, possessing high intelligence and acute awareness often feels more like a curse than a blessing.
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This brings to light the Dunning-Kruger effect—the psychological phenomenon where ignorant individuals overestimate their knowledge, believing they understand everything while remaining blind to their own incompetence.
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Because I am hyper-aware of the vastness of what I do not know, I carry the burden of constant reflection, while stupid and careless people move through life oblivious to the severe damage they inflict on others.
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High intellect combined with high conscientiousness makes one a prisoner in a world dominated by selfish, oblivious behavior.
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There are moments when I would willingly trade my intellect for a life of blissful ignorance—to be able to play golf or watch football all day without carrying the heavy burden of global pain, human cruelty, and systemic suffering.
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Yet, understanding these cognitive realities is necessary to construct a life of agency rather than surrendering to despair.
Section 7:
..........Self-Assessment of the 12 Intelligences — The Core Pillars
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To be entirely clear, evaluating my own cognitive profile across these twelve domains is not an official clinical diagnostic or standardized psychological measurement.
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It is an informal, personal self-assessment—a subjective framework I use to map my own mind, understand my behavior, and make sense of a complex world.
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When I rank these traits using a simple scale of low, medium, high, and very high, a distinct contrast emerges between my core pillars and my grounded baseline.
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My core pillars represent the cognitive domains where I operate at my absolute highest capacity and focus.
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Standing at the absolute peak of this entire framework, in my own personal opinion and experience, is Existential Intelligence, rated as Very High.
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More than any other mental trait, my mind is continuously consumed by deep, fundamental questions about existence, mortality, meaning, suffering, and the ultimate structure of reality.
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This peak philosophical drive is directly supported by High Linguistic Intelligence, which gives me the precision to translate complex existential weight into prose, clinical dialogue, and structured written thought.
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In the relational domain, both Interpersonal Intelligence and Emotional Intelligence register as High, allowing me to read human cues, navigate social dynamics, and extend acute clinical empathy to others.
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Simultaneously, Naturalistic Intelligence is High, driving a profound attunement to nature, wildlife, birds, and ecological systems.
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Finally, Moral Intelligence sits as a dominant High pillar—a strict, unyielding commitment to live by a strict personal code of honor and ethical integrity regardless of external cost.
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These core pillars represent what I am best at: a mind that is deeply reflective, articulate, relationally perceptive, and bound to moral agency.
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Section 8 (Revised): Self-Assessment of the 12 Intelligences — The Grounded Baseline
Section 8:
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Self-Assessment of the 12 Intelligences — The Grounded Baseline
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In contrast to my core pillars, the remaining domains form my grounded baseline—the supporting and non-dominant traits that complete my informal self-mapping.
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These baseline categories represent functional areas that support daily life, but do not drive my primary mental focus or personal identity.
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In the medium baseline category, Logical-Mathematical Intelligence provides necessary abstract reasoning, numeric competence, and pattern recognition.
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Musical Intelligence registers as Medium, offering structural grounding through composition, pitch, and the steady rhythm of basso continuo.
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Aesthetic Intelligence sits at Medium, allowing for the curation and appreciation of beauty in design, form, and natural grottos.
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Intrapersonal Intelligence evaluates as Medium—providing steady self-awareness, though often challenged by an intense, hyper-focused intellect.
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At the lower end of my self-assessment, Spatial-Visual Intelligence is Low, making 3D manipulation and physical navigation non-dominant traits.
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Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence is also Low, reflecting a cognitive orientation that favors cerebral, existential, and verbal processing over physical athletics or manual craftsmanship.
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Making a clear distinction between my highest pillars and my baseline traits is essential for self-acceptance.
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It reinforces that this subjective rating system is simply a tool to understand where my mental energy naturally flows, allowing me to navigate the world with clarity and intention.
Section 9 (Revised): High Conscientiousness, Fatherhood, and the Agony of Indifference
Section 9:
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High Conscientiousness as the Bridge Between Love and Intellect
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When emotional feeling or external expressions of love are absent, a vital question remains: what holds moral life together?
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The answer is High Conscientiousness—a psychological trait defined by order, duty, thoroughness, self-discipline, and an unwavering commitment to obligation.
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Carrying high conscientiousness, empathy, and compassion in a world where ninety percent of people operate primarily out of self-interest is an exhausting burden.
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It is profoundly difficult to maintain a strict moral standard when surrounded by individuals who live with unconcerned, selfish disregard for others.
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Where raw intellect analyzes reality and emotional feelings fluctuate based on circumstance, conscientiousness acts as the practical engine of character.
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It is the force that compels a person to show up, execute duties, and protect others regardless of whether warm feelings or gratitude are returned.
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This principle is most painfully illuminated through the lens of fatherhood and Quality Time.
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I am the kind of man who desperately wants to spend as much humanly possible time with my family—specifically my stepchildren, whom I love deeply and whose lives I wished to remain a constant part of.
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When my marriage failed and I was forced to move away, the single most devastating heartbreak beyond comprehension was no longer living under the same roof as my kids.
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To care so profoundly about being present in your children's lives makes the actions of my own parental figures entirely incomprehensible.
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I look at how my parents—and specifically my stepdad—offer nothing more than mere scraps of their time.
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My stepdad has never sat next to me to watch a movie, nor has he ever asked me about what I genuinely care about or love in this world.
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For years, I carried the toxic assumption that there was something fundamentally wrong with me that drove his distance.
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I now realize the clinical truth: he is the one whose antisocial emotional detachment created that rift, living in blissful ignorance of the immense damage his indifference caused me.
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In a world where familial Storge has broken down, High Conscientiousness transforms from a simple personality trait into a sacred principle.
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It means choosing to act with integrity and presence not because you were taught it by example, but because your personal moral code demands it.
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It is showing up with absolute presence for your children, providing the quality time, stability, and dignity you were once denied.
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It is the clinician who maintains unyielding diagnostic standards and radical empathy for patients, even while carrying silent personal pain.
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It is the daily devotion to caring for animals like Jeffy and Marty, honoring the quiet loyalty of creatures who ask for nothing more than steady stewardship.
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Conscientiousness serves as the structural bridge between intellect and care, proving that doing what is right requires no emotional permission from a cold universe.
Section 10:
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Synthesis — Synthesis of Loving Intelligence and Radical Empathy
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Ultimately, navigating a world where love feels absent or non-existent does not mean surrendering to despair or moral passivity.
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It means reclaiming agency by combining intellectual clarity, moral conscientiousness, and the practice of radical empathy.
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When we accept that emotional love may not be an automatic guarantee from family or the cosmos, we stop expecting warmth from sources that cannot provide it.
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Instead, we step into the executive role of generating care through structured, conscious action.
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Loving Intelligence is the synthesis of high existential awareness and deliberate moral purpose.
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It is taking a hyperactive, complex mind—capable of deep philosophical reasoning and acute relational perception—and channeling it into daily stewardship.
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It is deciding to treat others with radical empathy, respect, and clinical dignity not because they have earned it or because the universe rewards it, but because it is the highest expression of human potential.
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Through this framework, survival transforms into genuine vitality, and quiet isolation turns into an authentic, self-authored life.
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We become the source of the order, dignity, and care we once sought, forging a legacy of unwavering integrity for ourselves and those we choose to protect.
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