Relationship Advice

HOW TO GET OVER RELATIONSHIP ANXIETY

Relationship anxiety can be a very big problem in a relationship. It's usually caused when one, or both partners have doubts about your relationship. These doubts might stem from personal insecurities on the path of the partner. Other than personal insecurities, stress is a major factor in relationship anxiety. Stress can be caused by different factors which range from work stress, emotional stress, family, stress, and more.

Relationship anxiety is something that can start very small from little doubts and lead to very big problems, which may even lead to the end of the relationship. Most times, this problem goes on for a long time, and pretending everything is fine without carrying out a serious conversation with your partner will end up leading to a worse scenario.

Relationship anxiety fears include the fear that you are not good enough or that your partner can leave you at any time. The fear that you don't contribute as much as he or she contributes. The fear that you are not as valued.

Sometimes the cause of this can be a breach of trust from your partner. You might have been in this situation before where your partner has cheated on you, either you found out or they confessed it to you. There's always going to be this anxiety and this fear that they could do it again.

Also, abusive behavior in relationships is another major cause of relationship anxiety. These abusive behaviors might be verbal, physical, or even emotional in the relationship. If your partner always insults you and claims to be a joke this might lead to emotional or relationship anxiety. Constant quarrels can also cause relationship anxiety. Your fear of the future, not knowing what the future holds can also lead to relationship anxiety.

In some circumstances, it could just be that you are expecting too much from a relationship. You might have seen some couples on television, in movies, romantic comedies, or series and you feel your partner has to fit a particular bill. The truth is nobody is perfect and everybody has one flaw, or the other

So how do we overcome this relationship anxiety? Here are some tips:

1. Define the relationship's importance:

Whenever you are having relationship anxiety, it might be a call to action, a call to have a serious conversation with your partner and actually know what is going on in their mind and how they see you, what are their plans for the future? What do you like, what don't they like about you? Are you really good for each other? These are some questions that you should ask yourself and also ask your partner and both of you would need to be honest with each other because there's no point in moving on with the relationship if this constant anxiety or fear of losing them is still there.

2. Have a conversation with yourself:

One would expect you to have the conversation with your partner, but before that, you need to actually define the importance of the relationship to yourself as stated earlier. You need to know if you should lose your ship is worth moving forward with or not.

You need to ask yourself questions like do they meet your expectations? Do they show similar levels of commitment? Is this person right for me? These are some questions you need to ask yourself and you only person that can answer these questions is you. Don't shy away from the problem. Whenever these kinds of problems come up, most times, you want to ignore them. You want to tell yourself that everything is fine. But the truth is that you only end up making it worse. So before you can solve the problem of relationship anxiety, you have to know that what you want. You have to be willing to admit that you are scared. And that you have a problem before you can solve it.

3. Try therapy:

A problem shared is a problem half solved. So you should be willing to talk to a licensed therapist about this issue and they are the ones most likely in the best positions to actually help you out with this issue. Don't be afraid to share your problems especially with someone in a position to help. Couples therapy. Other than going to tear up your own, your own. You could also try couples therapy, this means both of you will get to see a licensed therapist and discuss your problems with this therapist and walk through the program together. This might actually end up being a more sophisticated solution to the problem.

4. Value yourself:

The statement “If you don’t value yourself, no one will value” comes to mind when the subject of self-esteem is brought up. This is because irrespective of your looks, your partner will always admire confidence in you. A person that is comfortable in their skin and knows his worth. Value yourself and they will value you.

In placing value on yourself, you want to make sure you don’t look too eager. You want them to know that despite the fact that you love them and you are a prize. Anything other than this will appear desperate on your path. Show them you are as valuable as they are in the relationship but there is a limit to this. The limit is that you might come off as smug, overly proud, or straight up not interested in pursuing something serious. This will inevitably leave a dent in your prospects and you do not want that. Hence, while exhibiting this trait, ensure it is done in moderation.

5. Try exercises:

Relationship anxiety is a mental problem and sometimes to solve a mental problem, you need to solve your body problem. When you work out, it helps to clear your mind and helps keeps you focused. You could try yoga and pilates. Either way, exercises won’t solve relationship anxiety directly, but you are less likely to develop new anxieties

HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR BOYFRIEND IS CHEATING ON YOU

There are many reasons why men cheat, sometimes it could be that they have been in bad relationships in the past and they just can't put full trust in anybody again. In other words, that trust has been broken. For some, it's just a mistake but they keep dueling on the mistake. This means it might happen the first time as a mistake and they feel bad and feel hurt. It's a guilty pleasure. At some point, they go back to it and they do it again and again and again and at that point, it just becomes part of them. They no longer see anything wrong with it and they no longer feel guilty. Cheating is a breach of trust in a committed relationship. Cheating is what happens when vows and promises are broken in a relationship. But there's more to it than just sex. You may wonder what other forms of cheating exist, other than sex. Cheating can happen in many forms. Many people associate cheating with just having sex with someone outside your committed relationship.

Several times, the consequences of their actions are known to them only after they have been caught. Before that, they will keep making excuses, to make themselves feel good. They give themselves reasons why they are not in the wrong. In some scenarios, cheating can happen because you suspect your partner is cheating. Cheating could also happen when the woman has cheated and opened up to the man, but the man claims to have forgiven her, but he has not gotten over it and he ends up cheating on her.

Another form of cheating is emotional cheating, where the man is not having sex with someone else but having feelings for someone else and acting on it in other ways, other than sex. He could be calling them late at night, he could be having a sex chat with her. He could be hanging out with her at intimate places, they could be touching each other in intimate manners, and so much more.

How do you know when your boyfriend is cheating?

1. He is now more concerned about his looks:

If you notice that he no longer wears regular clothes and shoes, he changes his hairstyle, he is more concerned about his looks, then it is clear, he is trying to impress another woman. He has found someone else and wants to attract her to himself.

2. He seems uninterested:

He no longer pays attention to you. And at this point, it might already be too late, he no longer loves you. You will notice that your boyfriend is no longer concerned about you and your activities. Then something is wrong. He is probably cheating. Your boyfriend that used to be concerned about your well-being now doesn't seem to be interested.

3. He seems distracted all the time:

Something is obviously wrong. He is trying to protect himself from spilling the truth. So if he is guilty and he doesn't know how to go about it, he can’t help but act suspicious. The feeling is confusing initially, but as he continues cheating, he will lose all guilt with time. At this point, he might not even care if you find him out.

4. He doesn't tell you when he is going out:

So whenever he doesn't let you know about your current location, where he is going, when he is going there, who he is going to meet, then you should know that something is wrong. He doesn't want you to know this is about his life because he doesn't want to get caught. So he keeps lying to you or just doesn't tell you at all where he is going.

5. He is easily mad at you:

When you say a joke that used to make you guys laugh and at the moment it makes him angry, then you should know, something is wrong. Simple things that we just inside jokes become things that are really annoying to him, then there is someone else giving him love outside the relationship.

6. He has many female friends:

When your man has a disproportionate amount of female friends he is likely cheating on you. Most men have a balance of male and female friends and the female ones are usually work colleagues. Or when your boyfriend, has a lot of female friends that he hangs out with, doing lots of fun and interesting things with, you should be worried. One or two of them are having sex with him.

7. He is always on his phone:

If you see that your boyfriend now uses his phone more often than before, when you notice that, he no longer talks to you as much as before but prefers to be on his phone. When he guards his phone with his life unlike before, when he could just leave his phone hanging around. Then, you know, there's a problem. People that cheat are more likely to use their phones and computers. And they would much rather spend time texting, and use social media than talking with you. So, when you notice a change in his behavior, then you have something to be worried about.

8. He doesn't invite you to go out with his friends:

Whenever he is going out, he insists you stay at home and do whatever you like. He doesn't want you to know his friends or when he is meeting up with them. He doesn't introduce you to meet his friends because he is probably going elsewhere. More often than not, his friends know that he is cheating. And it makes them uncomfortable being around you. He could even go as far as outrightly lying about meeting with his friends and other times he wouldn’t care.

HOW TO GET OVER A HEARTBREAK

Getting over a broken heart can prove to be very difficult. Just because most broken heart situations are caused by a breach of trust. Giving your heart to someone and entails giving full trust to the person. But it happens that there are times that people take that trust and break it. When this happens, you end up with a broken heart. A broken heart can happen, even when you're not in a romantic relationship with someone, it is something that can happen when you trust a very dear friend or a close sibling,

Heartbreak can have different effects on different people. The range of emotions can go from feeling, just a little sad to feeling suicidal. Yes, it may not seem so but some kind of heartbreak makes some people feel suicidal. This is especially true when someone has underlying mental issues.

Most cases of heartbreak are associated with romantic issues. When you have an issue with your partner or a big quarrel with your partner, it can sometimes lead to heartbreak. It can come from your partner cheating on you, or your partner using bad words against you. It can happen when your partner does something you never expected that they would do to you.

Anyone can have their heartbroken. It's how you handled it that makes the difference. Knowing how to get over heartbreak is therefore very important.

Some of the ways you can get over heartbreak are:

1. Go through the emotions:

Whenever you experience heartbreak, you must allow yourself to experience every single feeling you are having. Most times, the go-to move for people is just to ignore and pretend that it didn't happen. It is just to pretend that they never had any heartbreak. This is very unhealthy. It's unhealthy, because you may think that you are over it but, this problem will only keep getting stronger and one day, you might just implode because of the heartbreak you experienced long ago. You might overreact to another situation and this might cost you even more. So whenever you experience heartbreak, allow yourself to experience the emotion fully and go through it, don't pretend it doesn't exist. Don't hide it. Go through it.

2. Don't allow the emotion to define you:

So, some people when they experience heartbreak, they act out based on the heartbreak they suffered. They do not work on their heartbreak and start to pass that anger to other people. This is especially true for those in positions of power. When things are going well, they are happy with everybody. But when they have issues in their relationships or their hearts have been broken, then they take it out on their subordinates. This is very unhealthy and it could even cost them their job. It makes people look at them, some kind of way. So, they must make sure that they don't let their heartbreak define them.

3. Deal with the source of the problem:

When you experience heartbreak and still maintain contact with the source, it rarely ever ends well. The Source can be your sibling that you have the issue with or even your romantic partner. So whenever you have issues with heartbreak, you should cut off communication with the people that cause the heartbreak, at the very least for the period of time you are experiencing the heartbreak.

4. Take on a hobby:

Expressing heartbreak can lead to extreme depression. And if you do not do anything to manage it, it might cause even more problems. So it is very important to deal with heartbreaks by getting new hobbies or engaging in your current ones. These hobbies will help distract you from the ongoing issue. You'll be dealing with it, but you will not be dueling on it and those are two very different things. And yeah, when you do this, it is going to help you get over the heartbreak and make you a stronger person.

5. Do some cardio:

It may seem not related, but it actually helps. Exercising, while you're having issues with, heartbreak can be very distracting and it's also good for your health generally. It has been proven that exercises don't just help the body, but also helps the mind. So when next you are experiencing the blues, maybe just do a little cardio. That might be just what you need to take you out of your slump.

6. Be concerned for your health:

Heartbreak can sometimes lead to other physical complications, especially related to your blood pressure. When people experience heartbreak, they may start thinking, even more than they usually do. And this might lead to high BP. So, make sure that whenever you have experience heartbreak make sure it is not affecting your health, and if it is, you have to take care of yourself. You have to make sure that your health is in order and go for routine checkups. Give yourself time. Getting over heartbreak is not an easy feat. So don't pressure yourself into completing the process within a short time because you feel others have done the same. Give yourself time to heal. Don't pressure yourself into getting better.

According to Marilyn Monroe, “This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And baby, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soulmate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”

Your happiness is important. Protect it with all you have got.

HOW TO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND

Do you find yourself thinking about your best friend more often than normal? Do you find yourself feeling the same way you feel about your romantic partner with your best friend? Do you find yourself having sexual fantasies about your best friend? Well, if this isn't clear by now, you have started falling in love with your best friend, Ooops!

Sometimes falling in love with your best friend comes unexpectedly. Everything is good and great until you realize you're having romantic feelings for your best friend. Falling in love with your best friend can be really messy and if handled wrongly, may lead to the end of the friendship. This is especially worse when you have a romantic partner in your life.

Falling in love with your best friend. Can also be incredibly scary? This is because most times you don't know what you are feeling inevitably though, you figure it out.

Whether you cross the sexual line on not will determine if their friendship can be saved.

Don't get me wrong, there are some scenarios where falling in love with your best friend, can be very good. This is a scenario where you both are single and your best friend reciprocates your feelings. But if those two conditions are not met then, you have a huge problem on your hands. Movies might make it seem like it's romantic when you leave your partner for your best friend, but real-life scenarios are usually different. In reality, things get really messy.

There may even be a lack of trust from your best friend because they may feel that the same way you left your partner for them, that's also how you are going to leave them for someone else. So more often than not, those kinds of relationships don't work out. It is quite unfortunate but it is the truth.

So there comes the question. How do you avoid falling in love with your best friend?

1. Define your feelings:

When this kind of thought comes to your mind, you need to be straightforward with yourself. You need to take a step back and actually define what you are feeling. Am I feeling this way because I am lonely? Am I feeling this way because I'm having problems with my relationship? Am I feeling this way just because I want sex? Or do I have genuine feelings for this person? It is very important you come clean with yourself and ask yourself pertinent questions to be sure if what you are looking for is something serious or if it is just a fleeting feeling. Sometimes this kind of feeling can be really confusing. You actually need to take out time to study yourself and come up with a decision going forward. When you're honest with yourself, then the problem is half solved. One thing that can help you define your feelings, is to actually examine when the feeling started. By knowing the root cause of the feeling, they may know what to do moving forward. This will help you discover if what you're feeling is just a temporary or a permanent feeling.

2. Have the determination to make sure it doesn't happen: S

o, we're talking about having feelings for your best friend and trying to stop it. One thing you can do is actually be determined to stop it. You can do this by constantly telling yourself that it just can't happen. When you think to yourself what you stand to lose in the friendship, by compromising it with these feelings. It should give you enough motivation to kill off these feelings that you're having for your best friend.

Of course, it's not just as easy as saying it, it is going to take a lot from you. But if you really don't want to have these feelings for your best friend, then you really need to work on yourself by making sure you tell yourself constantly that you can't have these feelings. Always have in mind what you stand to lose by having these feelings or even going on to act on these feelings.

3. Have the conversation with your best friend:

This might seem counterproductive but it could actually help. Sometimes the thoughts might be so disturbing that you may actually need to have a serious conversation with your best friend, to let them know what you are going through. They could give you insights, that could help you get over such feelings. Mind you while telling them you need to also let them know that you have these feelings but you don't want to have them. You need to let them know the reasons why you don't want to have these feelings and the problem it could cause if those feelings are acted on. So your best friend needs to know where you stand on the matter so that they can proceed appropriately. This is because if you don't let them know that this is something that you don't want, they may end up acting inappropriately as well, and this might just exacerbate the problem. So it's not just a matter of talking it out with your best friend, it is a matter of providing context for them during this conversation.

4. Deliberate on what you stand to lose:

Every action has a consequence. So whatever action you take, your decision is definitely going to have some consequence. So, it is important that you take this matter seriously and actually contemplate the consequences. You need to deliberate on the issue and think about it very well, think about the advantages and disadvantages and compare and contrast to make sure you make the right decision at the end of the day. You know that if you act on them, it is going to cause problems for your friendship. You know how important your friendship is to you. You don't want to lose that friendship. So you have to act by having serious thoughts on the issue. Make sure you tell yourself that this is not going to work out.