Life lessons

HOW TO OVERCOME LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Dealing with low self-esteem can be difficult. It is not only difficult for you, but it's also difficult for people around you as well. This is because they know about their low self-esteem and how it affects the relationship. There's always the sense of not having enough value on yourselves. You always feel you don't stand up or rank up to other people in your life.

There are many reasons why a person can have low self-esteem. It ranges from parental upbringing to societal influences.

Some people grow up in abusive homes and this reflects in their life, much later, especially in their relationships. Not only does low self-esteem affect your relationship, but It can also affect your jobs and your general interaction with your peers. It can also lead to difficulty in raising your children. Due to these various negative effects of low self-esteem, one has to consider different ways to counter this. When you are in a relationship with a lady that has low self-esteem, these are some things you can do to help her out.

1. Know you are special:

When in a relationship with a lady with low self-esteem, she can sometimes, or if not every time feel that she's not valuable. She may not know how much she means to you. So, whenever you can always try to let her know she's special. Let her know, she's valuable to you. Let her know how tremendous her impact has been in your life.

2. See a therapist:

If you suffer from low self-esteem, you can also consider seeing a clinical therapist. This is because low self-esteem can be rooted in deep mental problems. Seeing a therapist regularly will help bring you back to your regular self. You may be the only one suffering from the problem, but the problem affects your relationship too. So you going will also help you to grow together in any relationship and probably help her recover faster from low self-esteem.

3. Be positive:

Whenever you set out to do something, it might be easy to say stuff like be careful or make sure you do it very well. But for some with low self-esteem, you need as much positive reinforcement as possible. Even if you are not great at it, feel great about doing it. Don't use words that will bring down your esteem.

4. Support:

Whenever you have doubts about a project because you feel you are not good enough, you should draw support from the closest people to you. People who already believe in you. If it is an area of expertise where they also have some ideas, let them share these ideas with you. There's nothing more valuable than positive words from your partner, friends, or family. Have someone you can always rely on.

5. Do things by yourself:

You may want other people to assist you with certain things because of your low self-esteem. But that is actually going to end up being counterproductive. Learn to do those things yourself, even when people offer to help you out. Of course, they can give you guides, but you must allow yourself to see it through on your own. This will give you the confidence that you can actually achieve things if you set your mind to it.

HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR

Everyone has fears. There are many situations that can cause a person to experience one form of fear or the other. It can be fear within a relationship, fear of a specific event, or fear of a particular person. Fear is a natural human response to danger. It is helpful in that way, but it can also be detrimental depending on your response to fear. When the human body senses danger the natural and immediate response is fear. But if not handled correctly, it can lead to problems.

So, whenever I was faced with fear, how do we handle it?

1. Breathe:

Most times when fear kicks in, the heart starts racing and you start sweating profusely. The best thing you can try and do in this situation is to remain calm. And the best way to do that is to take time out and just breathe. This is important because you might experience shortness of breath when you are extremely afraid. This is usually what happens when someone has a panic attack. You have to make a conscious effort to breathe in order to avoid further complications.

2. Avoid stressful situations:

One of the primary causes of fear is stress. Sometimes you can be so stressed up and fear creeps in. You start being afraid of the little things things that naturally wouldn't bother you, starts to bother you. And if this continues, the fear continues to grow to the point that you have a panic attack. So if you know that stressful situations take you to a place of extreme fear and lead you to have a panic attack, maybe you should try and avoid or reduce your contact with stressful situations.

3. Work within your means:

Some people try to have it all and in the process stretch themselves too thin. Know your limits. Don't push yourself beyond your limits. This is because you might end up taking yourself to the extreme and it leads to anxiety, which invariably leads to fear. Don't worry too much about what you don't have, instead try and focus on appreciating what you have. Don't judge yourself based on others. Judge yourself by your own progress. Be content.

4. Create a happy place in your mind:

Anytime you experience fear, it helps to have a good imagination. It helps for you to think of a place, or someone, or a scenario, that makes you happy. This will help drive the thoughts that keep you afraid. Thinking of positive things gives you positive energy and whenever you manage to overcome, whatever fear you might be experiencing, you get a good feeling.

5. Avoid a call on or diagnose medication:

Whenever people get scared, they usually fall on alcohol or any medication, they can find. These can be extremely counterproductive and it's not advisable.

There are many natural remedies for fear and extreme anxiety. You don't have to depend on alcohol or drugs that will have long-term implications. Exercising, eating good food, and having good sleep are so much more effective than taking alcohol or prescription drugs.

6. See a therapist:

If you have tried different methods and nothing is working for you, then maybe it is about time to see a clinical psychiatrist. You might need to speak to a professional because if you don't, this situation might escalate to even stronger mental problems. Having constant fear makes you less productive and needs to be nipped at the bud. So, seeing a therapist is one of the best ways to actually get over or work on your fear and anxiety issues.

7. Make use of a reward system:

You can create a system where any time you managed to overcome any sort of fear that is affecting you, you reward yourself. For example, you can tell yourself anytime you want me to overcome fear, you get yourself an ice cream. So this subconsciously trains your brain because it's seeking the reward and it gives you yet another more reason to fight against fear.

8. Speak to someone close to you:

Sometimes you just need to have a conversation with a friend, or a sibling, or a partner that cares about you because they care about you enough to understand your fear. I hope you get over them.

9. Take on your fears:

When dealing with extreme fear, sometimes you might feel, it's easier to just pretend, it doesn't exist. But if you do that, it's going to affect your chances of ever getting better and defeating that fear. So, do not be afraid to confront whatever fears you experiencing. As soon as you can conquer it, you are more powerful than you were before and nobody can use it against you.

10. Defeating fear of approaching a woman:

The statement “If you don’t value yourself, no one will value” comes to mind when the subject of self-esteem is brought up. This is because irrespective of your looks, a man will always admire confidence in a woman. A woman that is comfortable in her skin and knows her worth. It makes the “chase” worthwhile for the man. Also in cases where you are the one asking him out, your confidence is shown by this act alone and you are even more likely to get what you want. Don’t be afraid to go for what you want and more often than not, you will succeed. Value yourself and he will value you. Your self-esteem will encourage him to value himself as well.

11. Overcome fear with passion

While passion can easily be assumed to be one of a sexual nature, in this case, you will require much more than that. What are your interests and how passionate are you about your job? Have you ever heard the statement “I love a man in uniform”? well that also applies to men. Men love a woman in uniform and generally a woman that has a skill or is excellent at her job. There is something about the taboo of sexual relations in the workplace that is appealing to most men hence the thought of that alone is enough to whet their appetites. So don’t be afraid to show your more technical or academic side to get what you want. It could be the deciding factor. Your passions and interests will encourage him to value himself as well.