Tonglen: The Compassionate Practice of Giving and Taking

By Demian Choi

   In this time, the average person has been through a lot. According to Buddhist teachings, suffering has existed for countless eons throughout the six realms of life (gods, demigods/titans, humans, animals, hungry ghosts/spirits, and hells) and the infinite worlds of saṃsāra. However, rather than dealing with the suffering around us in despair or nihilism, one should take a different viewpoint.

   In Mahayana and Vajrayana Buddhist traditions, there exist the 37 Practices of the Bodhisattvas. A bodhisattva is someone who postpones their own enlightenment in order to liberate others of their suffering and guide them to enlightenment, no matter how many eons and lifetimes it takes. Such a path takes on tremendous compassion and is not an easy feat (there are different levels of the mindset of a bodhisattva). For Tibetan Buddhists, there exists a meditational practice called tonglen which strives to enhance compassion by meditating upon suffering. It is unlike many Western practices and it is both spiritual and secular. In this article, we will be focusing on its instructions and key concepts we could adopt from it.

Note: In Buddhist teachings, all sentient beings from hell-beings to animals to humans to gods were once our mothers in our past lives. As such, this article will present the traditional philosophical approach towards tonglen; however, feel free to replace the mother with the parent you wish to use as your point of meditation before applying he/she/they/it to other sentient beings throughout the world. 

   Think clearly about your mother.

  Ever since she carried you in her womb, she has cared for you throughout your life. Regardless of your faults, sins, and misdeeds, she looked at you with eyes of love, unconditional love. 

   Now that you have this image, ask yourself, “What harms her?” Suffering harms her directly; the cause of suffering harms her indirectly. Cultivate intense compassion for her, having the will to free her of her suffering. Think about all the things she went through, whether it be physical pain, the pain of discrimination, abuse, debts, stress, or whatever her situation was/continues to be, and cultivate the motivation to free her from all her pains. Generate a strong wish for this to happen; generate the mindset that you are willing to take on all her pains while you, without selfishness, offer all your happiness and virtues to her. 

   With this in mind, begin breathing in all the negativities and suffering that your mother has gone through. Watch the dark smoke and fluids come to you from her. Feel the intense pain, heat, heaviness, and all variations of the differing profound emotions enter your body through your orifices and your pores. Let whatever pains you are undergoing intensify inside of you.

   Holding this breath, you may then breathe out an immaculate white light embodying your happiness and virtue. Let this enter her and begin freeing her of her suffering. Let your compassion to its luminous entirety embrace and transform her into bliss.

   Repeat as many times as possible, feeling the slow, deep heaviness of your breath enter and exit your body.

   Gradually move on to your father, family members, friends, and those suffering around the world. Don’t just think of humans; think of other sentient beings such as animals and spirits. Think of every kind of animal from the tiniest ant to the deep sea hagfish to the lion to frogs and even to the parasitic worms inside of you. Move on to the many mothers you have had in your many lives. All sentient beings were your mother throughout beginningless time. Meditate on the issues they suffer from and how much they have given to you. Meditate on the pains they have at this moment. Take on their pride, their ignorance, their pain, their hexes and curses, their disease, and so forth. Breathe in all their negativities and exhale all your positive qualities. Offer yourself entirely for their liberation. From the practice of tonglen, allow your compassion to continuously rise onwards. 

   You can advance your practice by focusing on your enemies and having compassion for them. Rather than seeing them as enemies, see them as the greatest benefactors in your life, giving you the opportunity to challenge yourself and practice your humanity. 

“When mothers who have been kind to one since beginningless time are suffering, what is the use of one’s own happiness? Therefore, generating the mind of enlightenment in order to liberate limitless sentient beings is the bodhisattvas’ practice.” 

-Verse 10 of the “37 Practices of the Bodhisattva” by Gyalse Tokme Zangpo