03. Body Acceptance Group

Traveling while plus size fb group compelled me to start this. July 20, 2024

Here is a reply I made to someone else talking about how sad they are that they do wonderful things in their life like traveling, but still spend so much of their time obsessing about their weight. 

I am responding to this post so that I can write to you what I need to hear. I cycle in and out of obsessing about my weight. I started thinking I was overweight in 2nd grade and I wasn’t until sometime in early adulthood. My adulthood until my current age of 55 was spent on a slow cycle of gaining and losing 30 lbs. Just before the pandemic I decided I wouldn’t work on losing weight until I was ready to change my lifestyle. I gained 50 lbs that next year as a teacher doing online crisis schooling. I have only lost 20lbs since. Metabolic syndrome since I was 30. Perimenopause and now full on menopause has meant so much sweating and carrying around fans and telling myself everyone thinks I’m sweating cause I’m fat. My mom is great in most ways except for this one. Took me years to finally realize it’s about her not me. What do I need to do? I really don’t know. I’m trying to listen to the voices internally and find the Me among all the other “me”s—the critical, the mocking, the oh hell just eat, the we are going to try this now, even the I don’t care what they all think is an untrue voice in me, not so much because I do care, but because it’s a refrain that hasn’t gotten me anywhere and that’s what makes it false for me personally. Perhaps I need to develop the gratitude and self love voice—I’m afraid she might be a little too close to the “it’s ok Debbie go ahead and eat, you’ll feel better” little deceptive devil voice. Maybe I’ll start a diary of all the voices along with the gratitude that you all are talking about. 

  Hmmm. Now what to call it? If anyone wants to start a zoom group with me, I learn best by teaching. DM me. It would be art and journal prompts for self healing to find your best self

I wrote to the moderator to ask if I can do this self promotion. We'll see what happens next. 

She charges a lot for it, and so I opted out at that time.