Yukiiro Sign

This review is written like a typical NHL post-game interview

Moderator: We have Yukiiro Sign in the media room right now, if you have any questions, please use the “Raise Hand” function. First up, we have Onje from Readit news.

Onje: Hi Yukiiro, I was wondering what you thought went well for you today.

Yukiiro Sign: Yeah, good question. Umm, I banged pussies deep, uhh kept cumming and y’know capitialzied on fuck luck.

Moderator: Next up, we have Noojy from the FemDic Association.

Noojy: You didn’t really seem awake in the first half. What happened there?

Yukiiro Sign: Yeah, that’s behind me now, umm that’s one of the disadvantages of being a blank slate, can’t wake up what isn’t there. Playing a full 15 hours is important and uhh I didn’t get the start I wanted. I uhh didn’t stick to the game plan and things went off the rails early. Yeah, it’s hard to come back y’know when you’re down by so much early on.

Noojy: What exactly was the game plan?

Yukiiro Sign: Constant character development, communication, keeping contrived drama to the outside, all the usual stuff.

Moderator: Next up, we have Klefaz from the Chuuni Free Press

Klefaz: Would you agree with the fact that you were mostly invisible tonight?

Yukiiro Sign: Yeah definitely. Y’know, you gotta keep yourself accountable. Hard to stay in the game when the only thing I can score is free pussy. But it’s only one game, so umm just gotta move on from that.

Moderator: Next up, we have Jambs from Sca-ji Free Press

Jambs: How would you comment on your teammates, specifically Sve and Miku, tonight?

Yukiiro Sign: Yeah uhh, they played well and played hard. Must be hard on them to carry a corpse every time they play, but y’know, give them credit yeah for picking up the slack y’know when I wasn’t playing well.

Jambs: What made you such a corpse on the ice?

Yukiiro Sign: Head wasn’t in the right game. Too busy shooting cum over shooting pucks.

Moderator: Next up, we have Atah from Eroge macht mich munter news

Atah: The main storyline coming into tonight was your performance last season. What would you say makes your performance different this season to last season?

Yukiiro Sign: Good question. Y'know the same formula can’t always work twice, umm it’ll get exploited easily. The game’s evolving y’know, just can’t hope for the best that the same plan works twice.

Moderator: Last up, we have 0001eell from the Drop Report.

0001eell: As a center, your job is supposed to drive play, but what was that absolutely pathetic effort at the end? You didn’t seem very engaged in the play at all.

Yukiiro Sign: Y’know, I had a panic attack, umm I never really experienced being good before, and umm I just panicked and forgot how to handle myself.

0001eell: How can a professional out there panic? You spent your whole lives for this and this was the end result?

Yukiiro Sign: Yeah, it’s embarrassing...

Moderator: Thank you Yukiro Sign for answering the questions.

Yukiiro Sign: Thanks.

Moderator: We have the coach in the media room right now, if you have any questions, please use the “Raise Hand” function. First up, we have Noojy from the FemDic Association.

Noojy: What do you say to your players when they aren’t motivated like this?

Coach: Y’know there were some really concerning signs right away, especially when one of our players was more focused on banging chicks than banging in goals. No amount of yelling seems to get through their skulls.

Moderator: Next up, we have Jambs from Sca-ji Free Press

Jambs: How would you comment on your overall play tonight?

Coach: I think we started off slow, but we picked up some energy in the second. Maybe there was a fire under their asses and they finally woke up. The third… I have no idea what happened there. This game has no place for goonery like that.

Moderator: Next up, we have Onje from Readit news.

Onje: How will you do things differently next time?

Coach: Gotta keep things simple, go back the basics and make sure our heads are ready for the next game.

Moderator: Next up, we have Atah from Eroge macht mich munter news

Atah: What was your motive for benching Munefuyu? Was it because of a lack of effort or something else?

Coach: Y’know, his head wasn’t in the right game. I have no idea what is going on in his head, but it certainly isn’t about winning us any games.

Moderator: Next up, we have Klefaz from the Chuuni Free Press

Klefaz: The team chemistry wasn’t there tonight? Why didn’t they gel well together tonight?

Coach: We tried mixing up the lines to try and generate offense, the result tonight clearly showed it was fucking useless. We’re going to have to go back to the drawing board on this one. Might have to juggle the lines or shake up the room to get the players going. There’s no way we can succeed as is right now.

Moderator: Last up, we have 0001eell from the Drop Report.

0001eell: The way the team is playing, do you even have realistic expectations for playoffs? Isn’t it a coach’s job to get the most out of their players?

Coach: You know what, games like this happen every once in a whole and it might be a good idea not to overreact, I know you and your media have a job to do to clickbait people to read your articles, but I do my best with what I got. Sometimes things don’t go our way yeah, but remember this is the toughest league in the world. We just gotta look at the positives here and move on from here.

Moderator: Thank you Coach for answering the questions.

Coach: Yeah, fuck off too.