Einstein Yori Ai o Komete: Apollo Crisis

You know, something isn’t right here. There’s something I need to get off my chest before I start the review.

I have to call you out.

Yeah, YOU!

I’ve had it with YOU. You show up EVERY three months without following the lore just to see the cringy VN review guy lose his mind and I’m SICK of it.

Alright, alright, alright, let’s do it.

Hello folks, llee1000 here. Welcome to my blog, and welcome back to another unhinged review. What do people read these reviews for, yep to watch me go mental. Here’s me going mental over all the Visual Novels:

Musicus is SJW Propaganda: https://sites.google.com/view/llee1000/vn-reviews/satire/musicus

Kara no Shoujo 3 is an utter disgrace and Yaginuma is a tarnished character: https://sites.google.com/view/llee1000/vn-thoughts-and-impressions/kara-no-shoujo-3-demons-of-paranoia

Let’s play ALL the hits!!!

So what’s this review about? GLAD you asked. It’s about Nijima. I’m somehow a fan of this writer, and I’m starting to think more and more every day I HAVE to be a fan. I have to do this!

“oH, tHe fAnS ArE So mEaN”. The best thing I can say about the Einstein sequel is that fans don’t need to pay to read it.

Being a fan of Nijima is like being the opposing team in Airbud. How are you supposed to have HOPE when all you do leads to nothing but losses!

You know what’s amazing? It’s been 2,162 days since the slump of Nijima writing something good began! It’s nearly 6 years old! It’s ready to be a heroine of a loli nukige! Someone give it a cock!

So I end up making a review after every Nijima game I finish. I CHOOSE to do this!? And a while ago, I was talking to a friend -I have a friend, I know wild- and I told him I could have been ANYTHING! I could have started my own business and made millions, but no, I’m THIS! Bless my friend, he reminded me “I don’t think you could have started a successful business”. He’s right, I couldn’t have made a successful business, I’m not that bright, case in point, I keep READING NIJIMA VISUAL NOVELS!!!

Listen, you come over to these reviews to watch me FREAK out, I get that. I’ve seen the numbers, my Musicus review had the most comments for a review on VNDB before I deplatformed myself. You come here to read me rant about my hatred. If you find my suffering funny, you’re a SICKO WHAT ARE YOU DOING, putting me through this.

But I understand the entertainment value. For a lot of people who hate Einstein, it’s cathartic, seeing your RAGE through my words. I’m your mouthpiece. Or you’re here because you’re like “What went wrong?”. You’re here to watch me lose it and you’re here for answers. What is wrong with this game?

Last year, this was a biopsy- AN AUTOPSY. I could tell you EVERYTHING that was wrong with it!

The story didn’t work out, failing time and time again.

The science fiction elements MOPPED any respectability Einstein had.

The characters were pylons out there, utterly USELESS!

The endings were SHOCKING!

The writing actually wasn’t that bad, but it was second rate AGAIN!

It was like globbing a bunch of icing on a mountain of boogers. That’s the thing about having a good trial. The first few bites will taste like cake, but as you dig deeper, you discover it’s SNOT!

This year? What was the matter? The sequel collapsed as per usual. But WHAT was the matter?

I don’t know what to tell you. I mean, what do you want? They were willing to give it AWAY FOR FREE! And their special move to entice the fans was adding in more H-scenes. Surely, this is the year and surely it’ll be a better written story!

Shuuta Aiuchi, everyone is doubting him. He’s taking up a lot of screentime and he wants to be treated like a superstar. It’s about time he got some character development. AND HE ACTUALLY HAS A CHARACTER ARC! And there goes his development, out to Narnia it goes. Just pitches his development out to the sky. Like he had room to grow, like you just gotta not do that. And it’s written by Nijima because of course it is.

As I said before, 2,162 days since Nijima last wrote something good. 52 Characters, nearly 10 of them fuckable, since he last wrote something good. Write good stories, make compelling characters, use engaging prose, WHAT!? No COMBINATION of characters AND narrative AND theme AND writing - No combination WORKS.

This story, you only had 5 hours of runtime total… And I tell you what, you were never able to achieve a significant story beat in the first place!

Agh…

There’s a used condom I found in my local dumpster, it’s a Trojan brand. Found it when the pandemic started. I put it on my dick when I want to masturbate, still do that to this day. Support local, it’s good for the community.

With every VN I read, I have the conversation in my head, I’m gonna stop, I’m not gonna do it anymore! Every VN sucks! They keep disappointing me! Look at me!!! How much longer can I be cringey VN review guy on these posts!?

And I think I figured out what it is. It’s not just anger, frustration. It’s not just being disappointed when I read another VN.

I don’t know what to say. What are you supposed to do when your hobby is writing things and you don’t know what to write? There’s no VN duology like Einstein. What else is there to it?

You know, lemme tell you. Forget all the little stuff, like the main antagonist being ham fisted into the story, the science fiction still not making any logical sense or characters like Iina regressing like crazy from the first game. Forget all of that, it doesn’t matter. You gotta ask yourself if this still makes sense in the grand scheme of things.

You know, I got a lot of messages asking me how I’m doing, heartfelt messages hoping that I’m alright. It’s visual novels! Visual Novels! I’m gonna be fine. But I’ve gotten a new perspective the last six months for a wide variety of reasons. And ultimately, it’s just not that important. Freaking out about Visual Novels is important, it’s also important to you. There’s no casuals here, you’re reading a VN review on random blog. But it’s not that serious.

Oh well, maybe next VN?

I don’t know what else to say. I think I’ll stop this before it gets too rambly.

As for the next review, I guess I’ll be back when I’m ready.