I have always had strong 'Love and Belonging' and 'Survival' needs. Being the eldest of four children, in a solo parent environment, it was born out of protection and survival. My mother was fiercely independent and protective of us. We were wealthy in Love and Belonging - we had each other and my siblings and I got on really well in our primary years. We supported each other and pitched in to help maintain our vegetable garden, mow the lawn and weed the garden. We each had our own house chores and we got on and did them without reminders. It was the normal, it was the expectation. It was all for one and one for all, though more was expected of myself and my brother. I think this was because I was the oldest and my brother the only male. This lead to developing a sense of routine and order - the power need. As we got older, the expectations became a little more relaxed, and this allowed more opportunity for fun and freedom. These latter two needs came into play after the love, belonging and power needs, and so sit lower in my needs hierarchy to this day.

My sense of responsibility, independence and determination provides me an opportunity to meet my power need. In turn providing me with further independence and freedom of choice.

For me my 'Love and Belonging' bubble addresses all Five Basic Needs. It provides my fun, my freedom, meets my survival needs and allows me a vehicle to apply leadership - in effect, my power need in all its three forms.

Therefore, no matter the context or situation, if I have the sense of 'Love and Belonging' all my needs will be met.

Down and dirty behaviours simply create negativity and Up and Clean behaviours build positivity.

To meet the need for power through using down and dirty behaviours, people will go to the extreme to get what they want. Despite how others feel, these dominating people will do whatever it takes to feel important, be heard and be recognised, even to the point of destroying relationships. They often feel they need to control others because they know what’s best for them and what’s best for their organization or relationship. Others, on the other hand, will feel frustrated and most likely become resistant. Such behaviours cause conflict between people. This is external control psychology and it is definitely what you want to avoid in Choice Theory. In contrast, to use Up and Clean behaviours to meet the need for power, this allows for collaboration between people where they work together to satisfy each others’ needs through mutual agreements. Relationship with others is more important than trying to dominate others. These people support and encourage each other. They listen and accept that their views can be different from their own. They know that it is important to respect each other and if there are any differences, they are in a positive state to negotiate and work things out. Such behaviours will enhance happy and healthy relationships. This is internal control psychology and it is what Choice Theory is all about.