Blackness is NOT Monolith

The lure of going to a Black school was like a Jumanji board. You’re curious to hear those beats and sense that they’re getting louder ever since you noticed they were there. Of course, HBCUs aren’t like that in real life, but it felt like that to me because I had this sense like I felt I was erased or removed from the culture, like a motherless child with an unstable relationship with the things they want to call home and the people they want to call mommy, daddy, sister, brother, so on. I really thought this was magically going to make my identity Black…or whatever the people I grew up with called Black.

Funnily enough, that was an L. Blackness is very nuanced. Some people define it as having a phenotype of the negroid, which is a broad, short, big nose, prognathism, big lips, small eyes, dense bones, thick hips, etc. The clear cut definition from a racist cartoon and a racist description from Linnaeus, Thomas Jefferson, Charles Darwin, and other embarrassing white culture moments. It sucks because not all Africans nor African Americans have all these features or had them culturally cleansed out of them. I mean heck, some of the enslaved Africans countries, tribes, and groups don’t have all the features. People look different. Besides, there’s no one feature that all Black people have.

Blackness is not an action verb for suffering....

Some people define Blackness of solely struggling. I feel iffy trying to get rid of saying this because a lot of people suffer but this removes people like me who are defined by biological anthropology to lose their Blackness, their identity, and perhaps give it to a white person or an Asian person who may only want it for epithets. It’s cringy to see someone privileged copy your culture? Well, it’s more cringy to see white kids from the same background as you get accepted because they know rap and can spit fire and get accepted and you can’t because you don’t know Blackness and grew up in a Christian home listening to Gospel and white music. Ugh. I really think the air of whiteness and constantly passing as “the good enough and safe negro” isn’t a joy but a fear. I really knew I was weird when the Black kids in my third-grade class rejected me.

Some define Blackness as the ability to wear African hairstyles and say racial epithets and amusingly culturally sensitive and tone-deaf comments to their friends.

Blackness is Culture

Lastly, some define Blackness as a culture of people from anywhere and any continent that calls and associates themselves with Blackness, Pan-Africa, the African Diaspora, as well as the struggles, problems, and strengths Black people have globally as well as their own culture at home. I prefer this one due to the inclusiveness of Blackness but also the exclusivity of certain topics.

I felt like my school was good for that because they had some diversity as well as accepting my Blackness and letting me feel like I was in the group as well as helping me understand that there are diverse types of Black people with diverse mindsets that never really felt they belonged in groups and a lot who didn’t care about fitting into the demanding standards of Blackness. They also showed how amazing African-American history is. I no longer lament.

I laugh internally everyday at the thought that I really thought I had to go to an HBCU to claim something I am and just had to believe I was. HBCUs are great, especially if you’re great, but you don’t have to only “learn Blackness” at an HBCU. There are other options.