Tim Dlugos
“It was virtually impossible to get the poem right, because of those iambs, and it was his constant wit and his tight-ass sensibility, the poem was utterly packed and macabre (which was why I loved it) and as I moved through it I may have well have pulled Tim’s skinned carcass over my shoulder and danced.”
-Eileen Myles
Struggle in G-9: A Second Coming Out
“I am ‘successful’ when the language (clean combination of words) takes me or someone else back to the original combination of feelings & perceptions ‘out there’...”
Tim Dlugos in None of the Above1
Dlugos came out as gay in the early 1970s.2 This time period itself was around the height of the gay liberation movement, and as a result, these ideals were already labeled as “rebellious” in the public eye. This is in addition to the lack of LGBTQ+ rights and already prevalent negative stigmas/taboo nature surrounding the LGBTQ+ community of the time.
Dlugos was also diagnosed with HIV in 1987; he was admitted to G-9 (an AIDS ward) in 1989 and died of AIDS complications in 1990. His poetry post-diagnosis was written in and out of the hospital and is reflective of this dark time in his life. HIV/AIDS itself had many stereotypes surrounding it at the time. It was most prevalent in homosexual men, and due to their existing stereotypes, the disease had very little research on it. It was derogatorily referred to as “gay cancer,” an “'invented’ disease aimed just at gays to punish them for having unnatural sex," and even “a disease from God to bring about punishment for the person’s ‘immoral’ behavior”. In some sense, the disease was so frowned upon that it a “second coming out” referred to being HIV/AIDS positive for the gay community.3
Dlugos openly writes about his struggle with AIDS in G-9. In some manner, these poems made him seem more homosexual than the poems describing his love for other men written earlier in his life. Take Dlugos’s “Knowing It” as an example. He writes, “I open my eyes – you/kiss me, say It’s dawn/I smile, don’t even check/go back to sleep – you too”. It’s a passionate love poem, but nowhere in it does Dlugos mentions that he, as a man, is sleeping with another man. Taken out of context with no background information on Dlugos, one could easily assume the poem was written about a heterosexual relationship. When looking at Dlugos’s final three years of poetry, however, where he openly speaks about AIDS, he’s undergoing this aforementioned second coming out – not only admitting to being AIDS positive but understanding that he will be labeled with its respective stigmas surrounding it.
Dlugos not only admits to being AIDS positive, but he also is willingly accepting the labels and stigmas surrounding the disease. As evidenced by his quote in None of the Above, he writes with the public’s perception in mind. He expects people to stereotype him for being gay, for having AIDS, for being “inferior”.
Three Poets (Tim Dlugos, Dennis Cooper, Donald Britton), by Larry Stanton, 1983. Oil on canvas, 48x72" Depicts Dlugos alongside other influential and openly gay poets of the time, including former partner Dennis Cooper and friend Donald Britton.4 Courtesy of Visual AIDS.5
Dlugos’s “G-9” that describes his experiences within the ward is heartbreaking. The man breaks down, at one point “want[ing] to drop dead immediately” after being “welcome[d] to AIDS-land”. His sarcastic but morbid tone sets a dire and macabre mood for a story of a man’s last few months alive. And yet, through this, Dlugos is able to allow the readers to sympathize with him; this man is struggling and dying in a gruesome way in a sterile alien environment. This human struggle juxtaposed with the AIDS stereotypes of the ’80s is precisely how Dlugos is able to challenge societal expectations.
Conflict Between Ideals
“I try to write out of the time and space I find myself in.”
Tim Dlugos in None of the Above
Dlugos’s most prevalent themes are religion, sexuality, and mortality. Strangely, however, these three themes rarely all appear in the same poem at once. For example, “Parable” (written while Dlugos was hospitalized in G-9) directly alludes to the Bible and Dlugos’s experiences as a Catholic while exposing his views on mortality and how he’s seemingly not so afraid to die. Yet, Dlugos fails to mention why he was dying. He doesn’t attach the era’s negative stereotypes associated with AIDS and the LGBTQ+ movement, thus omitting his theme of sexuality.
Similarly, “For Years” refers to a sexual experience Dlugos had with another man. Dlugos writes about how he “wrestl[es] in the dorm of the novitiate with my ‘particular friend,’ which is what a person you’re too close to is called in the religious life”. In other words, he’s struggling/unable to openly speak about his gay relationships because the other people close to him who share his same religious beliefs disagree with his homosexual lifestyle. His theme of mortality is absent throughout this work since he was undiagnosed with HIV at the time, and the threat of death wasn’t yet looming over his head.
Left: Dlugos in None of the Above. Courtesy of Emory’s Rose Library.
His last poem written “D.O.A.” describes Dlugos’s experiences with AIDS (thus implying the gay stereotypes and sexuality themes) and how he accepted death at this point in his life. Here, religion is notably absent, which is particularly strange as it normally acts as something people cling onto for comfort during their final moments.
Of course, this being said, rare occurrences of poems with all three themes do appear in his works. Take perhaps his most famous poem “G-9” as an example. Dlugos once again describes his views on dying of AIDS in the ward but this time has “been staying sane with program tools, turning everything over to God ‘as I understand him’”. These moments where Dlugos intertwines all three themes of his work just further empower his poem to make “G-9” more personal and heartbreaking while simultaneously making the audience feel sympathy towards him.
Right: Philip Clark, co-editor of Persistent Voices: Poetry by Writers Lost to AIDS, reads Dlugos's "D.O.A."6
Sexuality in Earlier Works
“It always struck me that Tim was a love poet and then a spiritual poet - does that make him metaphysical? I think so.”
-Eileen Myles7
From 1970-1984, Dlugos was living his “fast life”. He frequently partied, had sex, traveled, and fell out of his religion during this time period. His poems of this time reflect this fast lifestyle. Dlugos frequently describes his sexual experiences and lovers such as in “Knowing It,” “For Years,” and “’Once I Let a Man Blow Me'”. He’s much more open about his sexuality here, opting to begin “For Years” with his worries of “some secret way of lovemaking between men that I’ve never heard of and will look foolish not doing, because it’s my first time doing this consciously, saying It’s a homosexual act!” Here, Dlugos seems to be even surprised at himself for escalating a situation to this point. The society as a whole of the ’70s frowned upon homosexuality, and Dlugos recognizes this disdain himself through this diction. Yet, he continues in the act, almost as a way to showcase that the consequences of homosexuality aren’t as serious as society would have you initially believe. In a similar fashion, “Once I Let a Man Blow Me” is just as radically homosexual as the title suggests. Here, Dlugos spews a list of other men he had or would like to have sexual encounters with. He has a sense of freedom in his sexuality such that he once again openly describes homosexual experiences, perhaps attempting to normalize them by purely speaking of them.
Right: Entre Nous, one of Dlugos’s earlier works. Courtesy of Emory’s Rose Library.8
Dlugos also describes his aspirations in life during this period in the aptly named “New Hope”. Here, Dlugos writes yet another love poem: “our lives are entangled with each other forming strong bonds/when you touch me there I move”. His repeated and emphasized use of the words “our future” clearly suggests a want to be in love with another person for a long time. However, when placed in context of Dlugos’s life as a whole, this simple repeated phrase turns tragic; Dlugos died young, would be unable to live out this future, and the societal pressures against the LGBTQ+ community at the time wouldn’t have allowed him to live out these days with his gay lover in peace.
He also characterizes everyday experiences with friends, family, and acquaintances such as in “Song of Bernadette”. In this, Dlugos reminisces over childhood memories of himself and his sister “gather[ing] sticks/Fuel for Daddy’s hearth”. He also depicts a memory of him and Alice Notley watching television together as he “tried to change the channel/Looked for dials to spin but there were none in sight”. This poem is indicative of Dlugos’s earlier carefree lifestyle, but it also serves as a contrast to his other more sexualized pieces. Through “Song of Bernadette”, the audience clearly sees Dlugos as another human being, one with friends, hobbies, and innocent childhoods. Just because he happens to be homosexual doesn’t imply that he’s any less of a person, challenging societal norms of the ‘70s.
Mortality as it Interacts with Sexuality in Later Works
“When I read these poems, I feel broken and put back together simultaneously. Everything I didn't know I wanted is real."”
-Aaron Smith
In the last few years of his life, Dlugos sobered up and was later diagnosed with HIV/AIDS. He started to revisit his religious life and eventually enrolled in Yale Divinity School, wishing to become a priest. His poetry, as a result, reflected this and shifted to a darker and more serious tone. In “Sometimes I Think”, Dlugos describes past regrets and aspirations and reflects whether or not he achieved them or what he could’ve done better. Juxtapositions between reality and the desired course throughout the poem, with examples of “I’m a sensitive straight man trapped in a homosexual habit,” “I’m a monk with a burning desire to sleep with as many people as possible,” “It’s time for sex with another total stranger. I hate sex,” and “I’ll live forever. I’ll die soon,”. These contradictions of ideals indicate the start of Dlugos’s transition from sexuality outright to more emphasis on his own mortality and religion.
“Armagnac” describes past experiences of his with alcohol in metaphors and paints those memories in a poor light. The poem begins with “A night of bitter dreams,” signifying a sense of regret and concludes with sarcastically poking at Armagnac and a case of brandy as a “cage aux folles”. The term literally translated from French means “cage of mad women” and was often used as slang to refer to feminine homosexuals.9 This singular phrase acts as a metaphor between feeling trapped behind alcoholism and the societal oppression of homosexuals. Perhaps, Dlugos is implying the reason as to why his sexuality was so vividly pronounced in his earlier years was because of his alcohol addiction. Could he be regretting past decisions to engage in unsafe sexual activities in his youth as it led to his eventual complications with AIDS and the stereotypes surrounding it?
Right: "Sometimes I Think" by Dlugos. Courtesy of A Fast Life: The Collected Poems of Tim Dlugos
Dlugos’s poems that he wrote while in G-9 (such as “D.O.A.” and “Powerless”) emphasize this idea even further. He writes in “Powerless”, “No matter what I said, how charming I would try to be, my friends, old friends I thought I could depend on, looked at me like I was crazy or depraved. They were the ones I’d called for years on mornings after blackouts I perceived as rip-roaring adventures. ‘What happened? Was I too outrageous?’”. As mentioned, G-9 was miserable, as death was an everyday occurrence in a sterile foreign environment Dlugos sarcastically referred to as “AIDS-land” in “D.O.A.”. The cynicism and sense of abandonment throughout “Powerless” once again suggests he blames alcohol on his eventual admittance into G-9. Had he not have drank so much, maybe his friends wouldn’t have abandoned him in his most vulnerable time, maybe he wouldn’t have contracted HIV after some drunken sex, maybe he would be at home living comfortably instead of sick in bleak surroundings.
Dlugos-Powerless-Reading.wavAn original reading of Dlugos's "Powerless".
At first, this idea of regret for Dlugos’s sexuality seems to be at ends with past ideas of normalizing homosexuality in society. After all, it’s Dlugos’s fault for engaging in “unnatural sex” and contracting AIDS; he supposedly fits the AIDS stereotype well after all: a man that was punished for being gay. However, this isn’t quite what Dlugos’s is implying. Dlugos condemns his prevalent use of alcoholism - not his sexuality. There’s always a connection between his mortality and alcohol. Rarely does he link his homosexuality directly with death and regret, instead opting to blame it on his addiction. Furthermore, alcoholism is an issue any “normal” heterosexual person can suffer; it’s not exclusive to homosexuals. This further cements the idea of sympathy towards Dlugos that allows his audience to look past his sexual orientation and instead focus on the human in him - a man that is dying alone.
Collaboration
Dlugos’s “Song of Bernadette” references his relationships with both Alice Notley and Bernadette Mayer, fellow artists and friends of the New York School with whom he had “respect, admiration, and lots of fondness” for. Click below to explore how their poetry in the context of gender and sexuality challenged societal norms, or explore other New York School artists Ed Sanders and Eileen Myles (who also was a close friend of Dlugos and was outspoken in her support of him).
Works Cited:
1Lally, Michael, editor. “New Poets of the USA.” None of the Above.
2Dlugos, Tim, and David Trinidad. A Fast Life: the Collected Poems of Tim Dlugos. Nightboat Books, 2011.
3Landau, Elizabeth. “HIV in the '80s: 'People Didn't Want to Kiss You on the Cheek'.” CNN, Cable News Network, 25 May 2011, www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/05/25/edmund.white.hiv.aids/index.html.
4Yau, John. “Killed By the State.” Hyperallergic, Massart Graduate Programs, 7 July 2016, https://hyperallergic.com/309379/killed-by-the-state/.
5“Larry Stanton.” Visual AIDS, visualaids.org/artists/larry-stanton.
6Clark, Philip, director. Tim Dlugos ("D.O.A.") and Closing: Keep the Voices Alive. YouTube, YouTube, 2011, www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvwq883-f90&feature=emb_title.
7Myles, Eileen. “Tim: A Review.” Mississippi Review, vol. 31, no. 3, 2003, pp. 226– 231. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/20132367
8Dlugos, Tim. Entre Nous. Little Caesar Press, 1982.
9“La Cage Aux Folles (Musical).” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 3 Nov. 2019, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Cage_aux_Folles_(musical).
Header image courtesy of Bolerium Books.