1995-2016

Reflecting on my experiences with mathematics, its safe to say, that these experiences had a negative impact on my feelings towards numeracy. These experiences not only left me feeling less than confident in my own math abilities; but ultimately my abilities to teach it. I only knew how to teach math, the way I was taught math. Textbook lessons and questions, worksheets, tests, drills, algorithms, and word problems;** I just kept telling myself and my kids "just search for the key words and it will all be okay...".

What I'm about to admit is cringe worthy, but brutally honest. I share to commiserate with all those whose experiences might be similar to my own. I knew I had always struggled with mathematics, but what became apparent to me as I began to dive into the world of numeracy four years ago, was that I actually had no idea.

I will admit, for six long years, I relied heavily on the teacher guide of the math textbook... actualllllllly that's a lie, I relied heavily on the student lesson within the student textbook. In retrospect, maybe if I had looked at the teacher guide I would have been better at teaching the mathematics? But who had time for that when you had to get through 3,267 pages of math within it?

I would teach myself the concept using the student lesson (just sit on that for a second). I mean, if I couldn't understand the student lesson, then we were all doomed anyways, right? but wait for it... MOST OF THE TIME IT STILL DIDN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME!! How's that for admission. I would teach. I would pray. I prayed no one asked me any questions.

I diligently followed the order of the textbook (because you read books from front to back), once the chapter, and unit was done, we'd move on to the next never to return to that concept again (phew). There would be a test at the end. No pre-assessment to begin. Ability grouping (yes people I did this). Assessment was ONLY paper based, and marked out of 20...in blue...at least I had enough sense not to use red. Am I right?

It was boring, and dreadful, and no matter how I tried to differentiate, I always ended up compromising the learning for my struggling learners. This style of learning works for some, but not for all. This did nothing for the math mindsets of my most vulnerable learners, and what's equally as bad is that it taught the kids who could manage that math was fixed in rules and procedures-that their noticing, wondering and thinking didn't matter in mathematics. I was repeating the cycle (Zager, 2017).

Now, I have to give myself a little bit of credit, because despite this vulnerable admission of mine, I knew in my soul that, that was not what I wanted for my students for mathematics. My story is typical; "I was never good at math myself" turned teacher...I was in the "low" group in high school mathematics, I didn't see myself as a "math person." My saving grace in high school math was that I had the opportunity to enrol in a pilot math cohort in grade 10 and 11 called Math Applications. Yes. We learned how to apply math; like how to open a restaurant (if you know me, you know how funny that is) and do taxes (which I still don't understand). The idea was there but we weren't learning how to apply math with our regular peers. I had a fantastic math teacher named Mr. Coleborn, who clearly was trying to make change at the time. Unfortunately, being placed in a separate math class did nothing for my math mindset (I can't imagine how the kids in math essentials felt, that was considered the lowest math of all). This class also didn't give me the same credit as the "regular math class." Also doing nothing for my math mindset. The message; "your math is not equal to regular math so therefore it doesn't count". Long story short, I had to jump through a few (a lot) of extra hoops to get to PDP-still not feeling anymore competent in math.

I guess my point in all of this, is that if our own math mindsets in numeracy are fixed, or set, because of our own experiences; a) how does that impact our students? How can we champion the growth mindsets for our own budding mathematicians, if we are not living it? b) how does our experiences in math impact HOW we teach it?

I went on Mat leave...

I had a lot of time to think...

2016...

When I came back to the classroom, I made some drastic changes in my math class. I needed help, I wanted help. I registered for a workshop presented by Jen Barker, who was a Surrey School District Numeracy helping teacher at the time. Jen's passion for mathematics was (and still is!) contagious. Here I was, this "I hate teaching math person," feeling sorry for myself because of my own experiences in math, enthusiastically nodding along to everything she was saying. I registered for every math workshop she held over the next three years. Her excitement in teaching mathematics was on a totally different level. She literally changed my whole teaching world in the most wonderful way possible. I wanted that passion for myself, and for my classroom. My Math Mindset changed after that one workshop with Jen. Thus my journey into "Becoming the Math Teacher I Wish [I] had" (Zager, 2017) began...And I haven't looked back since.

April 29th 2020