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Overview
Overview
Trust is the most fragile of the six components—and the one that takes the longest to rebuild once broken. Many of us walk through the world with trust deficits we didn't create: childhood betrayals, abusive relationships, institutional failures, systemic harm, friendships that turned toxic, and communities that let us down. We learn that trusting people is dangerous, that vulnerability is weakness, and that the safest thing is to keep walls up. But hooks is clear: love without trust isn't love. And Brené Brown's research confirms that trust is built in the smallest moments, and can be destroyed in a single one. This module explores what trust actually is, how it breaks, and whether (and how) it can be rebuilt. We'll use Brown's BRAVING framework, hooks' insistence on honesty, and our own lived experience to map a way forward.
Core Question: I've been hurt before. How do I trust again without being naive?
Answer Preview: Trust isn't binary; it's not all-or-nothing. It's built in small moments, assessed through observable behavior, and rebuilt through accountability and consistency. You can be both discerning and open. That's not naive, that's brave.
Key Concepts
Key Concepts
Trust as Built, Not Given: Trust is earned through small, consistent actions over time—not declared or demanded
BRAVING Framework: Brené Brown's seven elements of trust: Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vault, Integrity, Non-judgment, Generosity
Self-Trust: You can't trust others if you don't trust yourself—and many of us have learned to distrust our own instincts
Betrayal as Spectrum: Not all betrayals are explosive—many are small, cumulative failures to show up
Vulnerability as Requirement: Trust requires vulnerability, and vulnerability requires courage
Repair vs. Reconciliation: You can rebuild trust without returning to the same relationship
Content
Content
[BOOK CHAPTER] bell hooks - All About Love, Chapter 3: "Honesty: Be True to Love"
Link: https://dn790000.ca.archive.org/0/items/all-about-love-new-visions-bell/All-About-Love-New-Visions-Bell.pdf
On lying, deception, and the erosion of trust. Why honesty is the foundation of trust and why we're afraid of it.
[ARTICLE/TRANSCRIPT] Brené Brown - "The Anatomy of Trust" (SuperSoul Session)
Link: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/the-anatomy-of-trust/
Transcript: https://jamesclear.com/great-speeches/the-anatomy-of-trust-by-brene-brown
Brown's foundational talk on trust. Introduces the BRAVING framework: Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vault, Integrity, Non-judgment, Generosity. Uses John Gottman's research on how trust is built in the smallest moments.
[ARTICLE] "Brené Brown on What It Really Means to Trust" - Mindful
Link: https://www.mindful.org/brene-brown-on-what-it-really-means-to-trust/
Accessible summary of Brown's BRAVING framework. Key insight: trust means choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else. Breaks down each element with examples.
[ARTICLE] "Defining and Rebuilding Trust After Betrayal" - Black Female Therapists
Link: https://blackfemaletherapists.com/defining-and-rebuilding-trust-after-betrayal/
Therapist's perspective on trust-building in relationships. References Brown's marble jar metaphor. Addresses how small betrayals erode trust over time. Practical, culturally aware.
[ARTICLE] "Braving: Rebuilding Trust with Brené Brown" - Elephant Journal
Link: https://www.elephantjournal.com/2019/12/braving-rebuilding-trust-with-brene-brown-david-baumrind/
Personal essay applying the BRAVING framework to self-trust after trauma. On learning to say no, keep promises to yourself, and stop betraying your own needs.
[PODCAST] Brené Brown - "Trust: Building, Maintaining, and Restoring It" with Charles Feltman
Link: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/trust-building-maintaining-and-restoring-it/
Conversation with the author of The Thin Book of Trust. Explores definitions of trust and distrust and how they play out at work, in relationships, and in everyday life.
[VIDEO] Brené Brown - "The Power of Vulnerability" TED Talk
Link: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability
The talk that launched Brown's career. On how vulnerability is not weakness—it's the birthplace of connection, creativity, and belonging.
Supplementary Content
Supplementary Content
Books & Academic Texts
Brené Brown - Daring Greatly
Charles Feltman - The Thin Book of Trust: An Essential Primer for Building Trust at Work
John Gottman & Nan Silver - What Makes Love Last?: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal
The Wylde & Free Guide to the Anatomy of Trust: https://wyldeandfree.com/trust/
Video & Audio
John Gottman: How to Build Trust: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=gottman+institute+building+trust
Reflection and Engagement Options
Reflection and Engagement Options
Journal Prompts
Who taught you that trust was dangerous? What happened? What did you learn from that experience that you're still carrying?
Go through the BRAVING framework and rate your most important relationship:
Boundaries: Do they respect mine? Do I respect theirs?
Reliability: Do they do what they say? Do I?
Accountability: Do they own their mistakes? Do I?
Vault: Do they keep confidences? Do I?
Integrity: Do they practice their values? Do I?
Non-judgment: Can I ask for help without being judged? Can they?
Generosity: Do they assume the best about me? Do I about them?
Now rate yourself on self-trust using the same framework. Where do you betray yourself? Where do you keep promises to yourself?
Think of a time you rebuilt trust with someone. What made it possible? What did it require from both of you?
What's the difference between trust and naivety? Where do you confuse discernment with cynicism? Where do you confuse trust with denial?
bell hooks says love without trust isn't love. Are there relationships in your life where you say "I love you" but don't actually trust the person? What does that mean?
Discussion Questions for Learning Communities
Brené Brown says "trust is built in the smallest of moments." What small moments have built trust in your relationships? What small moments have broken it?
The BRAVING framework gives us specific, observable behaviors to assess trust. Which element do you struggle with most—in yourself? In others?
How do systemic betrayals (by institutions, governments, healthcare systems, schools) affect our ability to trust individuals? Can you separate the two?
bell hooks insists that love and abuse cannot coexist. How does this apply to trust? Can you love someone you can't trust?
What's the difference between forgiveness and trust? Can you forgive someone without trusting them again?
How do race, gender, and power dynamics affect who gets to be trusted and who doesn't? Whose trustworthiness is assumed? Whose must be "proven"?
What would it look like to trust yourself completely? What would change about how you move through the world?
Creative & Artistic Engagement:
Visual Arts
Create a "trust timeline"—mapping the moments that built or broke trust in your life. What do you notice?
Visualize the BRAVING framework as a building, a garden, or a body. What does each component look like?
Performance & Movement
With a partner: practice trust falls (literally). Notice what happens in your body. What makes it easier? What makes it harder?
Create a movement piece about the process of opening and closing—extending trust and pulling it back.
Music & Sound
Create a playlist for rebuilding: songs about starting over, about being brave enough to try again.
Write or find a song that captures what it feels like when someone finally earns your trust.
Digital & Tech
Create a BRAVING checklist you can use for yourself—digital or on paper. Check in weekly.
Design a social media series: "What Trust Looks Like vs. What It Doesn't."
Community Art
Host a "trust stories" circle where people share anonymously: "A time someone earned my trust was..." and "A time my trust was broken was..."
Create a group artwork where each person contributes one element of what trust means to them.
Writing & Documentation
Write a letter to someone who broke your trust. You don't have to send it. Just say what you need to say.
Write a letter to yourself about a time you didn't trust your own instincts—and what you learned.
Write a list: "What I need to see in order to trust someone." Be specific. Share it with someone you're trying to trust.
Homework
Homework
Solo Practice: BRAVING Self-Assessment (30-40 minutes)
What you'll need: Paper/journal, pen, the BRAVING framework
Instructions:
Write out the BRAVING acronym:
Boundaries: I respect my own and others' limits
Reliability: I do what I say I'll do
Accountability: I own my mistakes and make amends
Vault: I don't share what's not mine to share
Integrity: I choose courage over comfort; I practice my values
Non-judgment: I can ask for help without being judged
Generosity: I assume the most generous interpretation of others' actions
Rate yourself 1-5 on each element in your relationship with yourself. Where are you trustworthy to yourself? Where do you break your own trust?
Pick ONE element to work on this week. Write down a specific action. Example: If you struggle with Reliability to yourself, your action might be: "I will keep one promise I make to myself every day this week—even if it's small."
Now pick one relationship that matters to you. Rate that relationship on BRAVING. Where is trust strong? Where is it shaky?
Write one honest sentence you've been avoiding saying in that relationship. You don't have to say it yet—but write it down.
Group Practice: Trust Mapping (60-90 minutes)
What you'll need: 3-8 people, paper, markers.
Instructions:
Teach the BRAVING framework (15 min). Go through each element as a group. Make sure everyone understands.
Individual reflection (15 min): Each person privately identifies: "The element of trust I struggle with most is..."
Share out (20 min): Go around the circle. Each person shares which element they struggle with and one example of how it shows up.
Group mapping (20 min): On a large paper, create a group "trust map"—what does trust look like in this group? Where is it strong? Where does it need work?
Commitments (10 min): Each person names one thing they'll do to build trust—with themselves or with this group—this week.
For Solo Learners:
Journal through all steps. Share your commitment with one person you trust. Ask them to check in with you next week.
Before You Move On...
Before You Move On...
Reflection questions to sit with:
Where in your life are you confusing self-protection with self-imprisonment?
What would it look like to be both discerning AND open?
Who has earned your trust through consistent, small actions? Have you told them?
Trust is not the absence of fear. It's the decision that connection is worth the risk. You've been brave before. You can be brave again.
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