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Overview
Overview
We start here because most of us feel disconnected, even among people, wondering why friendship is hard, scrolling on our phones for connection, yet feeling more isolated. The loneliness epidemic isn't personal failure but a crisis. This module explores what loneliness truly is, why it's widespread, and how our nervous systems react to disconnection. We'll differentiate loneliness (a threat) from solitude (a choice) and explore why we weren't taught how to love place.
Core Question: Why do I feel so alone even around people? What's wrong with me?
Answer Preview: Nothing is wrong with you. The systems we're living in aren't designed to support connection.
Key Concepts
Key Concepts
The Loneliness Epidemic: Understanding loneliness as a public health crisis with measurable impacts on physical and mental health
Loneliness vs. Solitude: The difference between isolation (threat) and chosen time alone (restoration)
Lovelessness as Default: How we're socialized into cultures that prioritize transactions over community
Chronic Disconnection: What happens to our bodies and brains when connection is consistently unavailable
The Myth of Self-Sufficiency: How individualism keeps us isolated and powerless
Structural vs. Personal: Why loneliness is a systems problem, not a character flaw
Content
Content
[BOOK EXCERPT] bell hooks - All About Love, Chapter 1: "Clarity: Give Love Words"
Link: https://dn790000.ca.archive.org/0/items/all-about-love-new-visions-bell/All-About-Love-New-Visions-Bell.pdf
Why don't we have a shared definition of love? How childhood shapes our understanding (or misunderstanding) of love. The importance of language and clarity in learning to love.
[REPORT] U.S. Surgeon General - "Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation" (2023)
Link: https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf
Also available: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK595227/
Official advisory declaring loneliness a public health crisis. Statistics on prevalence (approximately half of U.S. adults experiencing loneliness) and health impacts (comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day). Includes policy recommendations and a national strategy framework.
[ARTICLE] Derek Thompson - "Why American Teens Are So Sad" The Atlantic (2022)
Link: https://www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/archive/2022/04/american-teens-sadness-depression-anxiety/629524/
Explores teen mental health crisis and social media's role. Discusses the decline of "third places" where community happens. Four forces propelling the rise of depression: social media, reduced sociality, a stressful world, and modern parenting. Relevant for all ages, not just teens.
[INTERVIEW] Mariame Kaba - "Everything Worthwhile is Done with Other People" Level (2019)
Link: https://adimagazine.com/articles/mariame-kaba-everything-worthwhile-is-done-with-other-people/#:~:text=Mariame%20Kaba%20is%20an%20educator%20and%20organizer,**Choosing%20imagination%20where%20others%20might%20choose%20compromise
On abolition, community, and interdependence. Why can't we do this work alone? Practical wisdom on building with others, even when it's hard.
[VIDEO] Kurzgesagt - "What is the Loneliest Generation?"
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3Xv_g3g-mA
Animated explainer on loneliness research. Accessible, shareable, beautifully made. Breaks down the science of why we're more isolated than previous generations.
Supplementary Content
Supplementary Content
Books, Articles & Academic Texts
Johann Hari - Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression
Vivek Murthy - Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World
Video & Audio:
Feeling lonely? 11 podcasts to help you feel less alone: https://www.marmaladetrust.org/post/best-podcasts-2023
The Loneliness Epidemic: Why We're More Isolated Than Ever: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqxvfRr8t3Q
All the Lonely People: https://www.allthelonelypeoplefilm.com/
Reflection and Engagement Options
Reflection and Engagement Options
Journal Prompts
Complete this sentence 10 times: "I feel lonely when..."
Don't think about it. Just write whatever comes up. Notice patterns.Write about a time you felt truly connected to another person or group.
What was happening? What made it feel different from everyday interactions? What conditions made that connection possible?If loneliness is your nervous system telling you something, what is it trying to say?
What need isn't being met? What are you hungry for?List the messages you've received about needing other people.
From family, school, media, and culture. Which ones do you still believe? Which ones are you trying to unlearn?Imagine a world designed to support connection rather than extraction.
What would be different? How would your daily life change? What would you need less of? What would you need more of?
Discussion Questions for Learning Communities
When do you feel most lonely? Is it when you're physically alone, or when people surround you? What's the difference?
What were you taught about needing other people? Was it seen as a strength or a weakness? How does that show up in your life now?
The Surgeon General's report says loneliness has health impacts comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Does knowing this is a measurable health crisis change how you think about your own loneliness?
bell hooks writes that "schools for love do not exist." Where did you learn about love? What did those lessons teach you—or fail to teach you?
Think about the spaces where you've felt most connected to others. What made those spaces possible? What would it take to create more of them?
Loneliness is often treated as an individual problem requiring individual solutions. How does understanding it as a structural issue change what responses seem possible?
When was the last time you asked for help or connection when you needed it? What made that easy or hard? What would have made it easier?
Visual Arts
Create a visual map of your connections (people, places, communities). Use color, distance, and line thickness to show closeness, frequency, and quality of connection.
Make a collage contrasting images of isolation with images of connection. What do you notice?
Draw or paint what loneliness feels like in your body. Where do you hold it?
Performance & Movement
Create a solo movement piece exploring the transition from isolation to connection (or vice versa).
With a group: practice mirroring exercises. What does it feel like to be seen? To see someone else?
Choreograph a group piece where bodies move from isolation (far apart, backs turned) to connection (touching, supporting, facing each other).
Music & Sound
Create a playlist: "Loneliness & Longing" with songs that name the feeling without romanticizing it (examples: "Mad World" - Gary Jules, "Hurt" - Johnny Cash, "The Sound of Silence" - Simon & Garfunkel or Disturbed).
Create a second playlist: "Connection & Community" with songs that remind us we're not meant to do this alone (examples: "Lean on Me" - Bill Withers, "Stand By Me" - Ben E. King).
Record yourself humming or singing. Then record it again. Layer the recordings. You are your own community—what does that feel like?
Digital & Tech
Create a digital story (video, slideshow, website) about a time you felt profoundly lonely and how you moved through it (or didn't).
Start an anonymous online forum or Discord server where people can share their experiences of loneliness without judgment.
Design an app or tool (even just on paper) that would help people connect in your specific community.
Community Art
Organize a "loneliness wall" where community members can anonymously post sticky notes, completing the sentence "I feel lonely when..." Create a second wall for "I feel connected when..."
Host a community meal where the only rule is: phones away, talk to the person next to you.
Create a zine collaboratively with others about loneliness and connection in your community.
Writing & Documentation
Write a letter to your lonely self from your connected self (or vice versa).
Document stories of connection in your community through interviews. Ask people: "When have you felt least alone?"
Write speculative fiction: what would a society designed to prevent loneliness look like? What systems would be different?
Homework
Homework
Solo: Loneliness Inventory (20-30 minutes)
What you'll need: Paper/journal, pen, honesty.
Instructions:
Map your connections. Draw a simple diagram with you in the center. Add circles around you representing the people you're connected to. Make the circles closer or farther based on emotional closeness, not physical proximity.
Notice the gaps. Where are the empty spaces? What kinds of connections are missing? (Friendship? Family? Romantic? Community? Mentorship? Intergenerational?)
Identify the barriers. For each gap, write down what makes the connection hard in that area. Be specific. (Examples: "I don't know where to meet people," "I'm too tired after work," "I'm afraid of being rejected," "I don't trust people anymore," "I don't have transportation," "There's nowhere to go in my neighborhood")
Distinguish structural from personal. Look at your barriers. Which ones are about you (your fears, your choices, your current capacity)? Which ones are about the world (lack of third places, demanding work schedules, car-dependent cities, digital-only interaction, poverty, ableism, racism)? This isn't about blame—it's about clarity.
Name one thing you can influence. Pick ONE barrier that you have some influence over. Not all of them. Just one. What's a small step you'd be able to take this week toward addressing it? (Example: If the barrier is "I don't know where to meet people," the step might be "research one local group/space that aligns with my interests")
Group Practice: Loneliness Truth-Telling Circle (60-90 minutes)
What you'll need: 3-8 people willing to be vulnerable, a space where you can talk without interruption.
Instructions:
Set the container. Before starting, agree as a group to:
Confidentiality (what's shared here stays here)
Non-judgment (all experiences are valid)
Listening without fixing (witnessing, not problem-solving)
Time limits (so everyone gets equal space)
Go around the circle. Each person answers: "The truth about my loneliness is..."
Give each person 2-3 minutes. No crosstalk. No responses. Just listen and witness.Notice patterns. After everyone has spoken, open discussion: What did you hear across stories? What surprised you? What felt familiar? Where did you recognize yourself in someone else's experience?
Name what you need. Another round, each person answers: "What I need to feel less lonely is..."
Again, no fixing. No offering solutions. Just naming.Commit to one collective practice. As a group, decide on ONE small thing you'll do together to practice connection. Start small. Start doable. Examples:
"We'll text each other once a week with a check-in."
"We'll do this circle monthly."
"We'll have a standing coffee date every other Tuesday."
"We'll create a shared playlist and add one song each week."
Note for Solo Learners: If you don't have a group, modify this practice by:
Writing responses to both prompts privately
Sharing your writing with one trusted person (in person, phone, text)
Posting anonymously in an online community space if that feels safer
Recording yourself speaking the prompts out loud (you don't have to share it—sometimes just saying it matters)
Before You Move On...
Before You Move On...
Reflection questions to sit with:
What did this module confirm about your experience of loneliness?
What surprised you or challenged your assumptions?
What's one thing you're taking with you into Module 2?
Remember: Nothing is wrong with you if you're lonely. The world is structured to isolate us. Understanding that is the first step toward building something different.
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