Finding yourself through living and learning.

Arrival:

I’ve been looking forward to this for months. I knew in the back of my mind, as time went on that I would really be leaving. But not until I was sat there by the gate of the airport, only 30 minutes until I board, did it feel TRULY real. I started shaking. Uncontrollably. Every emotion was running through my system. Excitement, nervousness, realization, gratitude, panic. So many feelings, immediately. I didn’t know what to do. My entire body was shivering. As I boarded the plane I felt like a zombie. The emotions tired me out. It was hard to think. An hour had gone by and by this time I genuinely felt sick. I felt cold, was still shaking. It’s like I immediately got a fever. This feeling lasted a good 5 hours. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I tried to relax myself and chill out. I watched some movies to distract myself. I look at the flight map. 8 hours to go. It felt like an eternity had gone by, yet somehow, it’d only been 6 hours. This led me to panic even more so. I thought this flight would never end. I got up to go to the bathroom that flight probably 10 times. Whether that was to stretch my legs, sit in the quiet bathroom which gave me peace, or because I was so dreadfully uncomfortable in that seat. As I was finally landing however, I grew a sense of calm. Even though the journey felt like it lasted a few lifetimes. This feeling of tranquility however was short-lived. I landed in Tokyo and my next flight was in just under two hours and I was completely lost. In a completely different country, in which I knew extremely little of the language. I still had to go get my bags, go through security, and get my residence card. That journey also just led to nonstop stress. I made it to the gate of the plane that was to take me to Akita airport. It was late and there weren’t many taxis. It seemed like there were none. I had no clue how I was going to get to my hotel. I ended up finding a Japanese man outside the airport and he asked where I needed to go. With my broken Japanese, I told him the name of the hotel. The next day when I finally arrived to AIU, the true sense of peace arrived. The stress and panic was over. I found my new home for the next few months, and it felt great.

Expedition:

My friends and I arrived in Kyoto. Everyone was excited, ready for the journey to come. One of my friends had a whole itinerary planned for us, which everyone else was joyous to hear, for most of us were the spur of the moment kind of crowd. The beauty of the city immediately entranced me. Even walking through the side streets, hearing the sounds of a bicyclist riding by or the conversation amongst the clerk and customer at a small shop on the side of the street. I was filled with pure anticipation. The beauty of this city and the vibe it gave was uncontested with anywhere I had been thus far. We started our journey, arriving at the Kinkaku-ji temple. The illustrious golden temple surrounded by water was such a sight. The beams of light gleaming off the sides were almost blinding. For a moment of fascination, I shut out all of the other tourists and noises and felt like I was in the 1400s soon after it was built, trying to imagine just how different life was back then. I thought of how different our minds would have worked as well. Today, people here just want to get pictures of the temple and selfies, back then people likely just thought about surviving and prayer here. This dividing of thought almost made me lose track of myself. “Come on! We’re moving on!”  a friend shouted at me. This broke me out of my day dream as I was dragged on to the next spot. The reality of being a tourist then struck me immediately when I whipped my phone out to take another picture of the temple. As we continued our journey on this trip we stopped inside a small side street restaurant specializing in curry. The walls were filled with kanji and little dolls. I had no idea what they were or what the kanji said but just being there, enjoying a delicious meal with my friends was all I needed. It really feels surreal being in an entirely different country and trying to take in as much as possible. Especially doing so with a bunch of other young men who are also trying to do and see as much as we can. We then headed to the Arashiyama bamboo grove. This specific spot was interesting to me. As we walked through the forest, I felt almost confused. There were so many people just walking through at a constant pace, barely stopping unless to take more pictures. As we continued our trek we noticed a small statue with some writing on it. Little things like this are why I enjoyed the whole of Kyoto so much. There are countless historical features to appreciate. Even the nightlife had such an old school Japanese feeling to it. We went to various bars along the Kamo River. It was so beautiful and peaceful, even with the amount of people. This feeling of serenity was unmatched.

Tranquility:

There is peace in the quiet on this earth. During my duration at AIU I have come to realize this fact even more so. I decided on AIU because it is located in a rural part of Japan. I have felt lost for some time in many ways. Whether that be emotionally, physically, or the question of what is to come. There are so many uncertain things in this world. The one thing you can always count on, and for there to be there for you is yourself. The past four months have been a journey for me in many ways. I broke past my comfort zones. I left my family and friends behind in the physical sense and I have been all on my own. I am grateful to have made strong bonds during my stay here but above all else I am grateful to this exchange program for granting me certain answers. I am not saying that I feel any less lost, because that would be untrue. But this journey has granted me answers in the sense of my self. Above all else, I came here to learn more about myself. I wanted to know how I would do in such solitude. Would it crush me, lift me up, give me joy, or just not much of anything. That is one thing I don’t know for certain. But what I do know, is that I am a different person than I was when I arrived. I found that I enjoyed the quiet this school had to offer. Being somewhere so small and remote led me to do a lot of deep thinking. I would sometimes go out in the middle of the night to just sit in my own thoughts, gazing at the starry night sky. I often wondered if this would help me figure out exactly what I want to do in life. So much thought into what should be a simple answer. “Do what you want to do”, I would repeat to myself. But what is it that I want? I would spend hours thinking about this, walking around the campus and taking in the beautiful nature. I craved the answer to that question. As I sat in my lonesome with rain pouring down. In that moment I felt a wave of relief rush over me. The truth is, I don’t need to know what the ‘answer’ is. The real answer is yet to come. I know now that what is meant to happen or what I am meant to do in life will come to me. The ups and downs of life, they all happen for a reason. Even if the reason is just because that is what is meant to happen. It all rushes over me in the form of tranquility.