Active Listening

Grab

In a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest, please rate yourself on your ability to listen to your spouse. (No need to explain, just rate)

Grace

“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to get angry.” (James 1:19)

Good communication is key to a lasting relationship. When we communicate, we assume two roles, as sender and as receiver. For good communication to happen, we should be able to express ourselves well and we should also be able to listen actively to what is being said.  More than talking, we need to open our ears to hear what they are saying and our eyes to see how they are saying it.  We also need to open our hearts and put ourselves in their shoes with empathy and compassion.

Our spouse needs to feel that their thoughts are important to us.  They can say what they want to say without the fear of being judged, ridiculed, or condemned. Active listening implies seeking to understand and showing concern. Here are some ways to show your spouse that you are actively listening:

1.     Undivided attention (no multi-tasking, establish eye contact)

2.     Open body language (nodding head, leaning forward, no crossing of arms)

3.     Brief verbal affirmations like “I see”, “I know”, “yes”, “I agree”

4.     Paraphrase what they said to show if they are clearly understood

5.     Asking clarificatory questions 

6.     Empathize by putting yourself in their shoes.

When we actively listen, we achieve mutual understanding and unity of heart. It shows that we value our spouse and the issue they are raising. After such a heart-to-heart conversation, we are able to clarify, manage and resolve issues without coming into conflict.

Gather

How can you be a better listener? 

Share of a recent issue that you were able to resolve because of good communication.

Go Forth

Identify three issues of concern that you need to talk about but have been delaying. Set a date when you can discuss to resolve these issues using active listening.