December 2021

Introduction

The Arctic.

A great expanse of white as far as the eye can see. It is night now—and has been, for almost a week. And tonight’s winds are taking up their horns and whips; the snowflakes sense their masters approaching and whinny.

The six Cuspidor editors, mere specks of dust upon the frozen barrens, hear this and they brace themselves for the coming battle.

“A blizzard...hurry!” someone says—you can’t tell who. Maybe Jessica. Their voice is small and muffled by their scarf. Nevertheless, a sense of urgency pushes them along—although the six know very well they cannot escape.

The winds blow their horns. “Ov...re!” The shout drowns in the song of the storm. One of them points to a great boulder that has appeared upwind, and as one they move towards their best bet for survival, heads down, like a herd of buffalo.

The cavalry arrives—great white curtains drawn across their path. Volley after volley, the snowflakes pour onto their parkas. Lash after lash, the north winds strike them down. All they can do is huddle together in the boulder’s shadow and wait for the stars to return to the sky.

And return, they do—and with them, shimmering veils of green and purple illuminate the sky.

“They’re so pretty!” Victoria says as she shakes off the thick layer of snow that had made itself home in the hood of her parka. “Is the blizzard over?”

“Seems so!” says Janet, as she pokes her head out of the ground, startling everyone. “Can someone help me out?”

Daniel, having wiped the fog from his goggles, and then his glasses, rescues Janet from her icy entombment. “Is everyone okay?”

“I think we’re all okay,” says Joseph. “Although realistically we should all be dead right now.”

“Nah, we’ve got this thing,” says Will, “called plot armour.”

“Will, we’re not supposed to break the fourth wall…” Daniel sighs.

“Well since it’s already been broken, why don’t we admire the beautiful northern lights on the cover of this issue’s Cuspidor instead of these imaginary ones?” says Jessica.

The editors all agree this is a good idea, and they live happily ever after.

The End.

We hope you enjoy reading this issue of the Cuspidor!

Your Cuspidor Editors