the shape i bend into

i used to ask people what they thought of me—
like their answers were the missing pieces
of a puzzle i never quite finished.

who am i really?
i thought maybe if enough people told me,
i’d believe it.
but even then,
it never stuck.
their words would sit on me like borrowed clothes—
too tight. too loose. never quite mine.

i’ve always had this ache.
like i’m trying to meet myself for the first time
but keep arriving late.

how much do i really know myself?
how much of me is me,
and how much is who i needed to be
to feel safe in a room?
to belong?
to not be too much?

i don’t think people understand
how lonely it can feel
to not have a solid answer when someone asks,
so, what are you like?

because i am soft.
fluid. shifting.
i’ve mirrored people for so long
it became my native language.

it’s not manipulation.
it’s survival.
it’s love, too—
learning how to move
in ways that make others feel seen.

i love so much.
god, i love so much it scares me sometimes.
i feel things that don't even belong to me.
i can walk into a room
and pick up the weight on someone’s shoulders
before they say a word.

i understand a lot.
and when i don’t,
i try—
because that’s what empathy taught me:
try. always try.

i see beauty in everything.
a chipped mug. a tired smile.
the way light hits dust in a quiet hallway.
the world moves me, constantly.

and sometimes, it’s too much.
but i wouldn’t trade this way of seeing for anything.
it’s what anchors me to myself.

maybe that’s the answer i’ve been looking for.
maybe this is who i am.

not the loudest in the room.
not the most certain.
but present. feeling. watching.

a mirror, yes—
but even mirrors have depth.
they reflect,
but they also hold.

i may not always know what to tell people
when they ask to know me.
i stumble.
i freeze.
i offer a version that feels safe.

but god,
i hope they look closer.
i hope they see the truth
in the quiet ways i care.
how much i notice.
how much i carry silently.
how much of me is hidden
in the small, unnoticed things.

and if i shape-shift to meet you where you are—
know that it’s not because i don’t know myself.
it’s because i want to know you, too.

and maybe that’s the most honest version of me there is.