how love found me when i stopped looking

i’ve always had this quiet fear tucked somewhere deep inside me—
that i would never be enough for someone.
not enough to be chosen.
not enough to be stayed for.
not enough to be fought for.

and maybe that’s because, for the longest time, i made love into this perfect idea.
like it had to be grand.
like it had to prove itself through loud gestures and fairytale promises.
i told myself that’s what love looked like—
the kind people write songs about.
the kind we see in filtered posts, long captions, and matching clothes.

so i kept chasing that version.
believing that if i just became “enough,”
then maybe love would finally stop running.
but it didn’t.

and the whole time,
i didn’t realize—
i wasn’t chasing love.
I was chasing a mirage of it.

until you.

you didn’t arrive with fireworks.
you didn’t sweep me off my feet with picture-perfect words.
you just… stayed.
you showed up.
quietly.
gently.
completely.

you never asked me to become more.
you met me exactly where i was.
i didn’t have to find love.
because love had already found me.
in you.

you didn’t tell me you loved me every hour.
you showed me in every way that mattered.
you waited up just to hear how my day went,
even if i said i was fine.
you listened anyway.

you showed up,
even when you were tired,
even when the world gave you every reason not to.
you noticed the little things—
like how i needed space but wanted you nearby,
how my silence didn’t mean anger,
just the need to feel safe enough to fall apart.

love was when you woke up at 3am just because my leg cramped,
and you held me like that was the only thing you were ever meant to do.

and somehow, that moment said more than a thousand “i love you’s” ever could.

but i never said any of this out loud.
i don’t know why.
maybe i didn’t know how.
maybe i was afraid to name it, in case naming it made it real,
and real things can be lost.

but these are the things i’ve always carried.
the things i never said.
i was so busy chasing the idea of love,
that i almost missed the experience of it—
the kind that doesn’t need to be posted,
doesn’t need to be shouted,
just felt.

sometimes i still get caught up.
still scroll through perfect images and wonder if love is supposed to look like that.
but then i remember—
love doesn’t need a filter.
it doesn’t need to be loud.
it just needs to be true.

and with you, it was.
it is.

love found me
when i stopped trying to earn it.
when i stopped performing.
when i stopped chasing.

love found me
when i learned to be still.

and it had been waiting for me all along.
in you.