my first love was also my first heartbreak

My Papa was not just a father but a friend and a mentor. His ability to juggle multiple responsibilities with ease always amazed me. His street-smarts were legendary in our neighborhood. From navigating the complexities of daily life to finding ingenious solutions for any problem, he was a master.

His skills in household chores were unmatched. He made everything look so effortless, whether it was fixing a leaky faucet, mending broken furniture, or cooking a delicious meal. Speaking of meals, my Dad was an extraordinary cook. His dishes were not just food but expressions of love and care. The aroma of his cooking would fill our home, creating a sense of warmth and comfort that I miss dearly.

He was a pillar of strength for our family. No matter how tough things got, he always found a way to keep us going. His determination to provide for us was evident in everything he did. I remember how he would go out of his way to ensure I had everything I needed for school. He never complained, never hesitated, always putting our needs first.

When I decided to start my small business, I faced many challenges. One of the first hurdles was finding containers for my products. Without a second thought, my Dad stepped in. He spent hours crafting handmade boxes for me. Those boxes were more than just containers; they were symbols of his unwavering support and love.

My Dad had an incredible knack for helping others. He was always the first to lend a hand, whether it was a neighbor in need or a friend facing a tough time. His generosity knew no bounds. He taught me the importance of compassion and selflessness through his actions.

Whenever I face a challenge, I channel my Dad a lot. His resourcefulness and problem-solving skills inspire me to find solutions and keep pushing forward. He truly thought outside the box, and his innovative spirit lives on in me. From small repairs to big projects, he knew how to tackle anything with confidence and skill.

He was a great dad, but I hope I don't marry someone like him—he was the angry man in our house. As his daughter who looked up to him, I inherited his rage too. We always had to adjust everything to his liking, or else our day would be ruined with all his scolding and shouting.

Despite his strengths and the love he showed us, his anger cast a long shadow over our household. His temper was unpredictable, turning simple mistakes into catastrophic events. We would walk on eggshells, trying to avoid triggering his wrath. The atmosphere at home often felt tense, as if we were always on the brink of a storm.

As much as I admired him and wanted to emulate his positive traits, I couldn't ignore the impact his anger had on us. His fury would erupt over the smallest issues, leaving us feeling helpless and distressed. His outbursts would echo through the house, creating a sense of fear and anxiety that lingered long after the shouting stopped.

Growing up in such an environment, I couldn't help but absorb some of his rage. I found myself reacting with similar intensity, struggling to control my temper. It took me a long time to recognize this part of myself and to work on managing it. I didn't want to continue the cycle of anger and wanted to build healthier ways to express my emotions.

His anger also affected our relationships with him. While we loved him dearly and appreciated all he did for us, his temper created a barrier. It was hard to get close to him without fearing the possibility of an outburst. This strained our bond and made it challenging to fully enjoy the moments of kindness and warmth he also provided.

While I cherish many memories of my dad and appreciate the values he instilled in me, I also recognize the complexities of his character. His anger didn't define him, but it was a significant part of our lives. It's a part that I hope to leave behind as I move forward, seeking relationships built on calmness, respect, and mutual understanding.

He was my first love and he will always be, but he was also my first heartbreak. As I grew up, I gained an understanding of many things, especially within our family. I had to mature at a young age and be tough so my siblings wouldn't have to suffer as much as I did. I could barely hear my own thoughts over my parents' shouting during their fights, and I could barely sleep because the echoes of their arguments haunted me, keeping me awake. 

Despite these challenges, I found strength and resilience within myself. I learned to navigate the tumultuous waters of my childhood and emerged with a clearer sense of who I am and what I value. I resolved to break the cycle of anger and create a peaceful and loving environment for my future family.

To everyone reading this: remember that the partner you choose will shape your children's lives. Choose someone who embodies the best qualities you want to pass on, and strive to create a nurturing and loving environment for your future family. Your child may not be able to choose their parents, but you can choose the partner who will help you raise them with the best morals and virtues in life. Let love, respect, and calmness guide your choices, and build a legacy that your children will cherish.

In the end, I have found peace in the lessons learned and the love that endures. I carry my father's memory with me, both the good and the bad, and use it to forge a path of empathy, strength, and compassion. By understanding and growing from my past, I am determined to build a future filled with love and tranquility for myself and those I hold dear.