Teaching Independence

Every child deserves the chance to become as independent as possible. For children and adolescents with Autism, ADHD, intellectual disabilities, or other complex needs, learning life skills takes extra planning, patience, and practice. The following information shows you how to teach these important skills using proven methods.

Why do independence skills matter?

Life skills help our children feel confident, improve their health and safety, and prepare them for the future. When children can do things for themselves, they feel proud and capable. Even small steps toward independence make a big difference in your child's life.

Remember: Every child learns at their own speed. What matters is progress, not perfection.

Getting Started

Break Tasks into Small Steps and Focus on "Must-Have" Skills First

Every big skill is made up of smaller steps. For example, washing hands includes: turning on water, getting soap, rubbing hands together, rinsing, and drying. Some skills are more critical than others for quality of life because they help children get their needs met and can reduce frustration. These include:

Making requests:

Asking for things they want or need (first step: pointing to or reaching for desired items)

an image of a child pointing at something

Following simple directions: Understanding and responding to basic instructions (first step: responding to "come here" or "sit down")

Waiting: Tolerating short delays without problem behaviors (first step: waiting 5-10 seconds for preferred items)

an icon with an open hand within a shape

Accepting "no": Handling disappointment appropriately when they can't have something (first step: brief disappointment without aggression)

Transitioning: Moving from one activity to another without major upset (first step: stopping one activity when prompted)

an icon with arrows going around in a circle

an icon of hands communicating in sign language

Basic communication: Having some way to express needs (words, pictures, gestures, devices) (first step: making any consistent signal for "more" or "help")

Beginning Self-Care Skills:

Washing hands and face (first step: letting someone else wash it)
Brushing teeth (first step: opening mouth to allow someone to put a toothbrush inside)
Getting dressed (start with easy clothes like pull-on pants)
Eating with utensils (first step: adult scoops food on spoon and lifts to mouth and child takes spoon and puts in mouth)

an image of a person washing their hands

an image of a parent holding a child's hands while they are working with flour

Use Physical Help and Visuals, Not Just Words

The best way to teach these skills is by gently guiding your child's hands through the movements, then slowly giving less help as they learn. Using visuals (photographs, picture symbols, or videos) can really help because your children can reference them at any point. Talking alone usually isn't enough.

Practice in Real-World Settings

Teach skills when and where your child actually needs to use them. Practice washing hands in the actual bathroom they'll use, helping prepare food when in your kitchen, and shopping in real stores. Skills learned in real settings transfer much better than those practiced in artificial situations.

an image of a parent and child grocery shopping

Teaching Methods That Work

Forward Chaining

Start with the first step and let your child do that independently, while you help with the rest. Once they master step 1, they do steps 1 and 2, and so on.

Use forward chaining when the steps need to happen in order from the start, or when your child learns better by building up from the beginning.

Example - Getting Dressed:

Step 1: Child puts on underwear, parent helps with everything else

Step 2: Child puts on underwear and socks, parent helps with rest

Step 3: Child puts on underwear, socks and shirt & parent helps with rest

Continue until child can dress completely independently

Backward Chaining

Help your child with all steps except the last one, which they do independently (e.g., throw away a paper towel as the last step in washing hands). This way they always experience the success of completing the task.

Use backward chaining when your child gets frustrated easily or gives up quickly - this method lets them feel successful right away by finishing the task. It works well for things like getting dressed, brushing teeth, or washing hands where the whole task needs to be done.

Example: Brushing Teeth

Step 1: Parent puts toothpaste on brush and helps child brush, child spits and rinses

Step 2: Parent puts toothpaste on brush, child brushes teeth, spits and rinses

Step 3: Child puts toothpaste on brush, brushes teeth, spits and rinses

Visual Supports

Create picture schedules, checklists, or video models to help your child remember the steps.

A Simple Visual Schedule for Bedtime:

Picture of pajamas (put on pajamas)

Picture of toothbrush (brush teeth)

Picture of toilet (use bathroom)

Picture of bed (go to sleep)

Video-Based Instruction

Research shows that video modeling can be very effective for teaching daily living skills. You can record yourself or your child doing the task correctly, use commercially available instructional videos, or create simple video prompts on a tablet or phone.

clipart of a monitor with video playing on it

Common Challenges and Solutions

an image of a child with an upset face sitting on a chair

"My child gets frustrated easily"

Break the task into even smaller steps
Use very simple language ("Raise arms" when dressing or "Sit")
Practice when your child is calm and rested

"It's faster if I just do it myself"

Teaching independence takes time now but saves time later. Let your child try things - you might be surprised what they can do.

"My child won't cooperate"

Make sure the task isn't too hard

Check if they're hungry, tired, or overwhelmed

Use motivating rewards

Adaptations for Specific Disabilities

For Children with Physical Disabilities

Adaptive equipment use: Proper use of wheelchairs, walkers, or other mobility aids
Accessible navigation: Finding ramps, elevators, accessible parking, accessible bathrooms
Self-advocacy: Explaining accommodation needs, asking for assistance when needed, helping with hygiene tasks
Transfer skills: Safe transfers from wheelchair to car, bed, toilet (with appropriate support)
Visit: TDSB OT-PT Google Site for more resources

an image of a blind person walking with a cane

For Children with Vision Differences

Mobility skills: Using cane or guide dog, navigating familiar and unfamiliar environments
Braille or large print: Reading menus, signs, price tags, medication labels
Technology use: Screen readers, talking devices, smartphone accessibility features
Spatial awareness: Understanding layout of rooms, identifying landmarks, safe navigation
Visit: CNIB for more resources

For Children with Hearing Differences

Communication methods: Sign language, lip reading, writing notes, using communication devices
Visual alerting systems: Understanding flashing lights for doorbells, alarms, phone calls
Technology use: Text messaging, video calling, hearing aid or cochlear implant maintenance
Safety awareness: Visual cues for danger (flashing lights, written warnings), vibrating alerts
Visit: The Bob Rumball Canadian Centre of Excellence for the Deaf for more resources

an image of a person using sign language

For Children with Intellectual Disabilities

Routine following: Understanding daily schedules, using visual schedules & timers, adapting to changes
Social scripts: Practiced phrases for common situations, appropriate responses to questions
Safety rules: Simple, concrete safety rules with regular practice and reminders
Decision-making: Choosing between two good options, understanding consequences
Communication alternatives: Picture boards, communication devices, gesture systems
Simplified tasks: Breaking complex skills into very small steps, focusing on most essential skills
Sensory considerations: Managing sensory sensitivities, using calming strategies
Support system: Knowing who to ask for help, when help is needed, how to signal distress

Getting Support

Connect with Other Families

Talk to other parents who have children with similar needs. They can share what worked for them.

an image of people holding hands and walking

Ask for Professional Help

If your child isn't making progress after several weeks of consistent practice, ask your child's teacher to connect you with a professional on the School Team (occupational therapist, speech-language pathologist, psychological service provider) or connect with an ABA or other therapist you're working with in the community.