Second Session

Jack swapped out Old Robert for Fatty McBeefy, to give Rob a chance to sober up. Rosemary picked up Wee Daft Iain, and James picked up Bloody Huge Duncan. Lizzy swapped out for Wee McGee, who apparently has trouble counting.

They rode off for one of the tall towers around the castle, which Old Robert had calculated had a one in three chance of being where they teleported to. They banged on the door, got inside and found instead a bunch of magic weasels. Wee Furry Jock convinced the weasels to let the Feegles ride them; they are now a pack of Feegles on a pack of weasels. They ride to the next tower, and discover a tall bigjob in green armor. He looks confused at them for a while, and then they assault him. He falls to the ground unconscious, and they all take a celebratory drink.

Moving on to the third tower, they see a group of more-than-seven-knights-but-less-than-nine-knights headed away from it. Ignoring that, they go up to the tower and Old Robert knocks the door in again, stunning himself briefly. They call up to the wizard and he pops his head out of the window. He tells them that Medved is destined to be king, and they cannot interfere. They send the weasels up to bite him, and he disappears in a flash of octarine light. Maddish McIan was absolutely convinced that if you curse a wizard's mother three times, he has to show up. Terrible William Bigears curses prodigiously, and the wizard shows up and sets the tower on fire before disappearing again. Their weasels run off, and they argue for a while about what to do now. Eventually they decide that they need a hag, but not before William Bigears and Wee Furry Jock fight, which causes William to pass out. Wullie the Goat (actually a Feegle) shows up, and suggests they get something to eat. They go down a hill and find a small but opulent cottage. Inside is Annagramma, a young 'new age' witch who serves them cookies and tea milk. They chaotically tell her they are trying to stop the wizard and the wee kingie from taking over the land. Annagramma tells them that she heard that the kingie was holding a ball. She turns Maddish McIan into an elderly, matronly escort, and the rest of the Feegles into bichons frise. Luckily, they can understand each other, but unluckily, they can no longer move at Feegle speed. They arrive and find a long line of women waiting to be introduced to Medved. Annagramma freaks out and says she can't do this (she's seen someone in line)! The Feegledogs try to stop her from going, but she complains and turns them all back into Feegles. They decide instead to headbutt the line of queenies-to-be and disrupt the proceedings. This works well for a while, until they discover that Nanny Ogg is towards the back of the line. She stops them and lectures them on assaulting perfectly innocent girls. They try to explain what they're doing, and she redirects them to the other three women behind her in line. The Feegles take them out as well, and Nanny slips up to the front of the line to try to sweet-talk Medved. Wullie the Goat absconds with the sword, trying briefly to take a bite out of it to shut it up and losing two teeth in the process. Fatty McBeefy headbutts Medved and runs off.

Wee Furry Jock sneaks upstairs and discovers the wizard reading over the prophecies. He climbs up the wizard's shoulder and interrogates him; "Who do you think you are, making him king of the Discworld?". The wizard hangs Jock on a hook on the wall by his kilt, disdaining him; "There are lots of kings of the Discworld, why not him?" Jock convinces a mouse to let him free by the the simple expedient of nibbling through his kilt. Jock runs down to the others and exclaims that the wizard is going to get a dragon! They try to go find dwarves to bake some Dwarf Bread around the sword. Annagramma tells them that there are dwarves in Uberwald; Wee McGee thinks there are dwarves just downhill and a few feet away; they slip through the worlds but fail in reaching their destination and end up in the fiction of the Thirteenth Warrior. They assault the Norsemen and Wullie the Goat fought Grendal (with the assistance of the sword). Wee Furry Jock creates a stampede of Norse cattle to distract Grendel, and Fatty McBeefy finds a baker among the Vikings by headbutting them until someone admits it. The Vikings use up all their bread meal to bake a large loaf around the sword, and present it to the Feegles in the hopes that they'll go away. The Feegles stash the sword in Grendel's cave, but Sharp Johnny spotted a crack in the loaf and kicked it. Fatty McBeefy dug into the loaf and grabbed the sword. It introduced itself to her as Calpurnia, and asked what he was doing. He said he was looking for some Dwarf Bread, and she thought it was a bad idea. They eventually jammed the sword into a large stone, and decided to bury it here, off the Discworld. Wee Furry Jock tries to find some badgers to bury it, but couldn't find any. Wee Daft Iain constructed some shovels, and they buried it deep and left off for home.