Post date: Apr 27, 2016 2:41:46 PM
"Just by looking at the way you are listening to me, I can tell how far you will go in life". This is a statement I might have repeated a thousand times to my students and trainees. The point I was trying to make here is two-fold:
So, how do great listeners listen? Here are five major differences between extraordinary listeners and the ordinary lot.
Bringing the entire body into the act of listening is a characteristic of extraordinary listeners. Presenting a posture that suggests to the speakers, "You have my undivided attention, now go ahead" is the most important responsibility of a great listener. Maintaining effective eye contact, mirroring the others' gestures to build rapport and staying focused on the speaker by saying an unequivocal, 'No', to distractions are typical of this class of listeners.
Ordinary listeners listen only to reply. Extraordinary ones listen to understand. They give the speaker a clean slate to write on by suspending their own meta-programs (such as barriers and filters), internal dialogues and external factors that may distort the speaker's original intended meaning.
People feel understood when their feelings and emotions are understood. They may not always be capable of using the right words and phrases to express themselves fully and accurately. This is all the more the reason why great listeners keenly watch out for non-verbal signs (such as body language, tone, voice, rate of speech, etc.)showing the emotional content associated with a speaker's situation.
Great listeners show great maturity and patience by consciously restraining themselves from prejudging a speaker's message. They resist the temptation to read the other's mind and consciously avoid attaching preconceived motives to what is said and what is not said. In other words, they remain dissociated.
An ordinary listener may never really show enough interest in the other to be able to ask questions. Great listeners, on the other hand, ask questions that show a keen interest to know and understand the other person fully and accurately. They choose their questions carefully so as not to influence the speaker's message or plant thoughts in their minds. Short and simple one or two word questions are their particular choice. This ensures that the speaker is kept engaged and at the same time, gently prodded to share more.