ACONCERT-GOING WE WILL GO
ACONCERT-GOING WE WILL GO
(I am left with two impressions of Wagner’s Festspielhaus in Bayreuth. One is the magical space,and a sound emanating seemingly from nowhere The second is the squadron of young women who at 4pm slam shut the entry doors that surround the audience It is a fearsome sound, precisely executed. and almost sinister in its violence. We surrender to Wagner in more ways than one.)
It’s a pianist I’ve heard of
The program’s so so
I’ve seen all my crime shows
I think I shall go
The critics weren’t raving
A few years ago
They write all this nonsense
So who says it’s so
If watching his fingers
Gives you a thrill
You’ll pay through the nose
For each shiny trill
I’ll sit in the back
And save a few bucks
You’ll say you prefer it
It makes you look chill
Once in my seat
I‘ll assemble my tools
They’re all regulation
I know the rules
First is my cell phone
I make sure it’s on
My hearing aid whistle
Will be perfectly tuned
I’m relieved to discover
I’ve still got that cough
This hall’s acoustics
Will be more than enough
The program’s on paper
That rattles precisely
My shoe soles are leather
And shuffle quite nicely
So I’m ready for you,
My audience queen
My concert hall Nazi
So where have you been?
Bergen-Belsen, New Jersey?
So exclusive a home,
Where no one from Buffalo
Is likely to roam
My jailer, accuser
Defender of art
My citizen’s arrester
So dear to my heart
I’m here right behind you
Let the battle begin
Will we be silent
Or wallow in sin?
Start with one sneeze
Don’ t squander your arsenal
Not here, at least,
Maybe at “Parsifal.”
Wait til the Mozart
To unleash a soft fart
Your first cough’s direction?
The development section
Now look at your program
And turn every page
For you, self-improvement
For Madam, outrage
I’m reading the notes
For a new piece tonight
Passacaglia for Piano
Claw Hammer and Fife
They're playing it early
No.escape, take your hurt
Want to hear Chopin?
It’s last. It’s dessert
Our Nazi’s ecstatic
Her clapping prolonged
Maybe now is the time
To sing her my song
Delicate eruptions
Of bronchial distress
Make Beethoven’s “Moonlight”
A bit of a mess
My program, I dropped it
Oh where did it fall
It’s under her seat
I’ll have to crawl
Sorry, I bumped you
My shuffling feet
Add subtle percussion
To Brahms’s discussion
But caution, our Nazi
Is hardly unarmed
Her neck seems to swivel
With each sound uncivil
Her gaze of contempt
Leaves no one exempt
For all who dare pierce
Holy silence so fierce
I feel like a man
At two concerts at once
One partakes of sweet noises
Says the other, shut up
If polIcing is thorough
And our stillness prevails
Every quaver will waver
No Liszt will be missed
Yet lurking subliminal
Is a dread hard to shake
A horrible blunder
One among us will make
It will ricochet everywhere
Our good will defamed
The guilt is not ours
But we’re covered with shame
Hard won is the silence
That audiences crave
So strong it joins Mozart
Up there on the stage
In Berlin or Stuttgart
We have little to fear
Those orderly souls hold
Obedience most dear
Rejoice in such evenings
But when they are done
Walk out to your car
And look where you are
Do battle, my Nazi
With naughty cell phones
But to listen to music
I think i’lll stay home
BERNARD HOLLAND