Sudan

August 22nd Cont.

Not many photos as we couldn't be bothered to pay and register to be allowed to take photos as Sudanese law demands.

At first Sudan wasn't what we expected, way too green and everything but we made goodish time so we pushed on for Khartoum where things heated up considerably and signs of the desert of the north being to show themselves.  Got to a hotel around 10pm after thirteen hours, 770km and a two hour border crossing.  12am and it was still better than 25 degrees outside.  

As I said, way too green;

Oh, it's the first day of Ramadam today so no eating, smoking or drinking until sunset.  No alcohol ever.  We'll probably go mad.  

It was great trip in places though, as sunset approached all the cars and trucks pulled off the road to have an impromptu picnic and break fast.  We could rush on to Khartoum unimpeded.  O.K. that was handy but everyone that stopped waved and begged us to come and join them for food.  It was genuine unaffected generosity - they should teach their begging, cheating thieving neighbours a thing or two.  Although I do have some good memories of Ethiopia right now after 1500km or whatever in two days I can't think of 'em.

Beautifully timed by myself and Jo.  Hit Ethiopia in the rainy season and north Africa on the first day of Ramadam.  Well done us.

August 23rd

Day 100 in the Rhubarb Household...

So left expensive place and moved to the family run Acropole Hotel which was nice and airy and cool.  Gps was as usual full of shit - the hotel is marked on the other side of the road, 200m away.  It took forty minuted of looking to find it.  It is a favourite of news crews and journos and had free fast internet- they also took care of our "Registration" in Khartoum.  This is basically an excuse to screw $50 more out of you for no other reason than they can.  We went to DHL to collect our new carnet for Rhubarb to enter Egypt.  Only three days before when the dick at DHL said he'd forward us the Waybill he didn't bother.  Why we were surprised I have no idea.  I mean let's face it;  He works in an office in South Africa and therefore doesn't do as agreed until the third time of asking.  In fact as I write this I'm reminded that I wrote to him on the Monday (24th) and asked him for it and he still didn't provide it.  No waybill=no parcel since they can't search for it.  We were really pretty low on cash so we transferred Martin (the Marvel) Hill some money so he could quickly and easily Western Union it to us in Khartoum and then watched Button 'the Bottler" begin to throw away the F1 championship.  Big rain storm at night and spent all day looking for places to hide to eat or drink in super hot temperatures.  Went to the Blue Nile Sailing Club which has nasty camping to see if there was any concrete info on the Wadi Halfa - Aswan ferry. Got nothing but boredom from the dullest people imaginable.

August 24th & 25th.... Ever seen 24?  This was more like 48.

09:00 

The day of the California Presidential Primary, the longest day of our lives... 

We decided that we had to head up towards Wadi Halfa - about 1000km to get Wednesdays boat inoder to have any chance of being in Cairo for the 4th September so we just had to buy some food to camp with, collect the carnet and collect Smart Mart's funds.  Got the waybill number by calling and shouting at the incompetent Jo'berg DHL staff (It had taken 7 emails and four 'phone calls just to book the F-ing collection and delivery and they acted like they were doing us a favour- the company collects and delivers in the rest of the world, they seem to have a different strategic outlook in South Africa) and then we got sent to the wrong place twice.

11:00

Quoted $300 for two 1st Class tickets on ferry inclusive of Rhubarb.

12:00

Finally got carnet and went shopping for food, worried 'Hero' Hill hadn't got in touch to tell us collection code for our money.

13:00

Martin gets in touch to say the bank wants bizarre paperwork to conclusively confirm; he exists, is human, is not residing in U.S. State Penitentiary and was not the man on the grassy knoll.  He is perplexed.  Come on Martin, have you never used the S.A. banking system before?

14:00

Shopping done so we raced across town to Western Union expecting money delivery imminent.  

15:00

Western Union closes due to Ramadam until 21:00.

16:00

Martin gets fired from job for taking 4 hours to do a favour for friends that should take 10 minutes.

16:04

Martin reinstated.

18:00

Martin informs us it is not possible to send money to Sudan by Western Union.

19:00

Little sister (confound her name!) informs us she can send money from Chicago, IL, U.S.A. to Sudan - but will take a few days as she is non-res in the U.S.

20:00

Eat using last of money.  Just $40 for fuel left.  Rhubarb is damned for being greedy

21:00

Western Union manager in Khartoum says he receives money from South Africa regularly.

22:00

'Marvel' Martin informs us that no S.A. bank will transfer money to Sudan due to "the international sanctions in place."  Yeah?  Well you thick as shit idiots they do not apply to Western Union as they are targeted sanctions at Bashir and his cronies - just the same as the ones against Mugabe that Mbeki ignored for years.  

If there was a competition for stupid people, South African bank employees would head it over the guy who suffered a gunshot wound to the head whilst he and his friend practiced shooting beer cans off each other's heads. 

 ( www.justfuckinggoogleit.com )  Oh hang on - they were both South African.  Come to think of it, I believe one of them worked for Standard Bank and the other for FNB.  

So after Martin had slogged around trying to transfer the money they in their wisdom said No - because of the U.S. led sanctions against Sudan.  Sanctions that it seems only South African banks know about.  We had similar problem with the carnet - when faced with something they do not understand S.A. banks just say 'no.'  Sadly if it's not a cheque or debit card transaction they tend not to understand it.  This includes canceling direct debits or standing orders or authorising any transaction without original signed documents - signature fraud by fax is apparently huge.  Oh, another tidbit - try opening a business account without a Fax number.  Near impossible.  Facsimile - the modern businessman's best friend from Tokyo to New York.  The world runs on the 9600bps Fax service according to the almost entirely white, middle aged, female and Afrikaans management of South African retail banking 

My favourite bit of Standard Bank stupidity is this, 

–  We are prepared to lend you whatever amount you deposit and cede to us interest fee.  We then lend this back to you at 12.5% variable.

–   Well that isn't a loan then is it?  Why would I pay interest to you if I have the cash anyway? 

–   Well that's how a loan works, Sir.

–  So I pay you money equal to the value of any loan, interest free and then you give it back to me and charge me interest at 12.5% on that same amount?

–  Yes Sir, that's our business loan policy.

I honestly had this conversation with Standard Bank a few years back. 

So we had no money.

23:00

Cried a while.

00:00

Loaded the car with fuel - it is only 40¢ a litre - and headed 1000km to Wadi Halfa.

00:45

Realised we had taken the wrong road and drove back to Khartoum

01:30

Left Khartoum (again)

04:30

Stopped at side of road and slept for two hours.  

07:00

Drove to Wadi Halfa

18:00

Arrived Wadi Halfa after seventeen hours of hell in super hot temperatures.

The photo above is not actually Wadi Halfa but I thought there's no need to depress you with how it actually looks. It is described as variously a 'toilet' and a 'hole' in guide books.  It is bleak.  

19:00

Mr. Fixit, Mazar says he will pay for tickets and so we sleep in tent outside his house.

23:00

Following several arguments we sleep. 

August 26th

08:00

Wake up and head down to the Ferry Office.  Where, Mazar has bought us tickets for the ferry and done the paperwork.  We have no money.  

14:00

(Note man on right with red trousers - more on him later)

Get on ferry to find no cabin just the hard green steel deck but we were leaving at last .  We have no money.  We have no money.  Thieving bastard who talks too much, Mazar, sticks us with a bill of double what it should be.  Nice commission, no?

18:00

Ferry leaves full of mad people.  Eat some.  Sleep on steel deck with only stars above us which is middling nice but fucking agony.

20:30

Cross into Egypt...

August 27th

03:00

Cross the Tropic of Cancer.

04:00

Man walks round with massive steel dish using it as a cymbal to wake up all the muslims to eat before sunrise.  I will never again try and be subtle about  eating during Ramadam - if they ain't considerate of me and the 50% of the boat that was non-muslim then I'm returning the favour.

08:00

Hot as hell & we have no money.

11:30 

Dock at Aswan.

17:00

Let off boat.  Useless Egyptian bastards.  Maybe when I'm less traumatised I'll explain. 

Explanation - they are just idiots.  It takes six hours to disembark every trip.  Your passport is given to someone to check between arriving at the port in Wadi and leaving the port in Aswan - Twice at Wadi; Six times onboard; Once at Aswan, making nine times?!  You have a medical inspection having docked at Aswan - but still on the boat - where you hand over a piece of paper stating whether or not your about to die.  Then immigration come aboard and mince about.  The thing is no one can leave the boat until everyone has had their passport returned for the third time.  Like the Sudanese the Egyptians like putting everyones passport in a cardboard box for an hour and then handing it back.  They are all out of a job in 6 months when the road link opens between Wadi Halfa and Abu Simbel and they deserve it.