Ethiopia

August 12th Cont.

We'd heard the crossing could be a bit of a nightmare with customs declarations and stuff but it was a breeze and free too.  Less the $20 we played in Kampala.  We pulled up at the only hotel in the guides and asked if they had a room and showers.  No room but we could camp in the building site where they're extending the hotel.  No problem.  We paid and were then told there was no water in town.  No shower since Nairobi and driving through dusty dirty desert?  That's why we decided to do this trip.

We had a fun night though.  Eating whacky Ethiopian food with our fingers, the lovely smells of the village shops.  A big brown cow wandering around the hotel grounds that was to be slaughtered for a feast on Saturday that kept following me around Rhubarb trying to get at my food - it was all good.  Apart from the little bastard Ethiopian kids.  They follow you in groups shouting "youYouYouYOU!" constantly and then ask you for money.  They can F– off.  

August 13th

We arsed about for a bit in the morning trying to buy a sim card and email and stuff and then drove just short of 500km to Asswa on a bloody big Rift Valley Lake and checked into the hotel we could find closest to the lake.  Our thinking being they must have water.  They did - but no electricity to pump or heat it.  I was ready to cry now.  Well, my eyes watered every time I caught a whiff of Jo.  They told us the electricity would come on as soon as they closed the bar.  So having done us out of refreshments, obviously there was no power when they said there would be and I smashed my big toe (the same one that had a prop shaft  dropped on it and has been smashed about repeatedly) into a broken concrete slab.  It split four different ways and poured blood everywhere.  A nice end to the day.

August 14th

We drove to Addis with crazy overtaking trucks and buses and went straight to the British Embassy.  Which closes at 1pm on a Friday.  Those poor civil servants on overseas bonuses, living free and paying no tax.  Around the world they clock off at 1 and have a half day on a Friday.  They're not staying and doing paperwork either - there was a steady stream of them leaving.  One of them took the time to tell us we could come back on Monday morning.  Very kind of them.  We found a hotel and had an early night.

August 15th

As I write this Addis has become one long bore.  It's dirty, nasty, wet and cold.  Many of the people we meet are blatantly rude and trying to rip you off.  Wanted to go out to a restaurant so since you can't dial out from the room we called reception who asked for the number of restaurant and said they'd book a table for 9pm.  We repeated this process three times with no result so we went downstairs and asked the same thing.  The same two useless cows we'd spoken to three times said,

–  Yes certainly, which restaurant and what time?

Many of the people here are beyond stupid.  We left them to it and turned up at the place to find it was closed for an annual holiday or something.  Went somewhere else that was great unlike Ethiopian wine which is fucking rank.  

August 16th 

Can't remember much - oh turns out I can.  We left the hotel we were staying in and went to another one high up on the hills overlooking wet, nasty and very dirty Addis.  Fortunately it was raining and misty so we couldn't see it.  Watched some of the World Championship Athletics from Berlin and despite the usual requests for to the channel to be changed for a repeat of some Premiership match (honestly, generally the sport you are allowed to watch on this trip involves a Premier League team - "Oh but Arsenal were so good for the last ten minutes of their pre-season friendly, we must watch it again" So we got to see Bolt's master class in the 100m.  I stayed and read for a bit and then asked for the bill.  Told 722Birr I got the cash to pay and asked to see the bill.

–  Sorry no bill.  722Birr.  You must pay cash tonight.  No sign.  

I pointed out the sign that every hotel has on the wall stating by law a bill must be prevented.  "In the event of a power failure a handwritten bill must be presented by a duly authorised person" 

–  I will tell you bill.

He did and much to his dismay I suppose added it up in my head, inclusive of 20% tax and 16.5% service and proved he'd overcharged me.  

–  Oh doesn't include your friends drinks.  Huh?!  Anyway he was trying to stick me for thirty shots of vodka.  Exactly one bottle.  I can drink plenty 'o vodka, probably a bottle but I'd be a little the worse for wear - certainly not adding up like Casio.  Anyway he then offers to halve the bill,

–  Pay what you like tonight, Sir.

Yeah you'd have liked that wouldn't ya, ya cheating tinker?  Instead, I gave him the exact money he asked for, (He had the gall to ask me where the tip I was originally going to give - in my pocket wanker) and then made sure to let slip about my huge bill the night before that I hadn't got a receipt for.  Sure enough I slip for it (rung up the following evening) appeared when we checked out.  There's been loads of this in Addis, it just makes stuff boring, it's all a little harder to do.  

The thick and stupid amongst the hotel employees don't help.  Jo and I arranged to leave messages for each other at the hotel reception.  She leaves a message with the girl.  I must have gone to the same girl within ten minutes of the message having been left and asked if there was a message for me.  No she says. 

However, the prize for most thick and villainous person of all goes to the bag checker at a supermarket.  Jo gave her a plastic bag with a carton of cigarettes.  You're not allowed to take bags into the store - I can guess why with a bunch of Ethiopian gypos around.  She puts it one of the wooden alcoves and Jo shops for ten minutes.  When she goes to collect the bag the same woman denies that Jo gave her anything.  "No you didn't give me a bag," she says.  Repeatedly.  What did she think Jo was going to say, "Oh sorry my mistake," and leave?  So Jo had to get the supervisor and check the whole storage area whereupon the carton of cigarettes turns up stuffed behind the shelves.

You can't buy a sim card without Ethiopian ID so I bought a second hand one off a guy in a phone shop.  He disconnected it the next day - most likely because I bought 300Birr of airtime when I bought the card and didn't give him 100Birr of it that he demanded - I'd already paid him for it!

If you want to spend Birr (Incidentally it's the ugliest currency we've used so far - obviously filthy dirty too) in any meaningful way, for a hotel room say, you must show proof of forex exchange.  Fine but the ATMs rarely give out receipts so you have to go to the bank office to request one.  Also since Sudan doesn't take Visa or Mastercard we needed plenty of cash to change for USD or SDPounds.  Only as a tourist you can only get $115 per trip until you clear immigration at the airport.  Driving?  Tough shit.  One bank manager told me to go to the black market.  The other bizarrely told me,

–  Well maybe you can just drop it on the floor before you leave?

No I won't you fucking cretin and even if I did no one would ever pick it up as there'd be to much filthy shit lying on the floor for anyone to notice it.          

August 17th

Went straight to the British Embassy to pay £63 for a shitty letter saying we are who we say we are and HM Government doesn't object to us going to Sudan.  Standard letter, ten minutes to prepare - and an hour for anyone to sign because they're in their "monday morning meeting."  What's it to talk about?  Probably what great Friday afternoons they all had when they should have been doing some work.  Went to the Egyptian embassy to be told a visa takes four days!  So on the border it's instant but from you it's fourfuckingdays?!  She eventually said she could get it for us the day after but this means that we can only apply for Sudan on Wednesday and that means getting it on Thursday.  In the evening we went out to a local working man's bar and watched the 10,000m final.  It was awesome, an incredible atmosphere as the local boy just blew away the competition, one (if not the only) highlight of Addis so far.

August 18th

Collected the Egyptian visa late in the afternoon and moved hotels again.  This one reminds me of another thing that is shit in Addis.  The electricity is shared, as in one area has power and then it is cut and the other side of town has power.  This I have no problem with and to be fair Ethiopia is very reliable.  When the man says you have power it generally arrives.  That's because it is on a 24 hour cycle.  On one day off the next.  Even that wouldn't be so bad as everywhere has generators but the generators don't power the hot water.  So moving from town to town or within Addis means it's impossible to every get hot water.  On top of that the power grid doesn't correspond to the telecom grid - your hotel might have power but the server/switchboard that handles the data connection invariably doesn't at the same time as you.  Net result (ha!) never any internet and rarely a telephone line.  Went out to a local bar - no lights as the generator was only powering the sound rig which was dreadful and then to a local 'Cultural Restaurant.'  It was actually really nice if a little bizarre.  I'll add more later.

August 19th

Applied for our Sudan visa.  Bastards they are there too.  Then having queued for four hours we were told they only accepted payment in USD from British people.  

–  You bring dollars from England?

No you halfwit since they use pounds.  I then had to go and drive 'round four banks begging for dollars.  Went out to another 'Cultural' restaurant that wasn't half as nice.

August 20th

Took Rhubarb in for a service and killed time waiting for our visas which finally we got at 3pm.  We picked up our bags and things and finally left Addis.  We got around 100km out of town before we stopped for the night in a dirty nasty little place.  Along the way we saw three traffic accidents, all very recent as in within ten minutes or so.  We also saw the bodies of maybe another five older ruined trucks.  The first one involved two massive lorries upside down on the side of the road next to each other and a smaller truck with a broken front axle.  This was on a dead straight piece of road.  Second was a massive truck that had it's trailer upside down and the cab smashed in having obviously turned over.  On a dead straight piece of road.  The third one was a pick up truck upside down.  This one hadn't had to try so hard there was a bit of a curve going downhill.  They drive like idiots they get what they deserve.  The first two were almost certainly caused by trying to overtake blind, probably the third too.  It makes you nervous every corner you get to, wondering what's going to be coming towards you.

If you'd spent the time we did in Ethiopia you'd want to throw yourself off here, pretty it may be.

August 21st

Got up really early, well 6:15 and left for some place called Gonder.  After about 100km we had to stop and wait since part of a mountain had fallen into the road and broken it.  We actually knew this had happened but from what I gather from watching for a while the truck drivers keep trying to drive over impassable sections and snap their axles and things as they are carrying too much weight.  We jumped the queue by about fifty vehicles and were fifth through when it open up.  Desperate to leave this place.  We had another short stop as in one place a river had flooded making traffic possible in only one direction at a time.  Eventually we arrived at Ginder ten hours and 654km after we left.  I had a theological debate with a barman for about an hour while I knocked back some drinks for the last time in a while.  

August 22nd

Got up less early and headed off to the border. The barman from the night before was checking I was O.K. as I'd really given him some ideas.  Essentially I'd compared religions to Premiership football teams and suggested it was all bollocks as to who supported who, and who might be right.  It was a tough sell, and you might be harder pushed to get it to work in Uganda, say but it's better than listening to him descibe how his church's beliefs differ from the other guys.  Anyways we got to the border after three hours and it wasn't too bad.  Not as bad as we'd been led to believe - although I was a bit worried as we were about to go for our security check when I remembered there were still six beers in the fridge.  I paid a local to run off with them.  In retrospect it was very silly.  But we were in Sudan and anything has to be better than Ethiopia.