Matthew 18.21-35
The Doghouse – Forgiveness
The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant
Matthew 18.21-35
I've been in the doghouse again this week!!
I cannot believe that it was all over 2 birthday cards and an anniversary card due to arrive on the 12th September.
At the beginning of the week, Joyce and I went shopping for these cards. As usual, I grew impatient and suggested we have another go later in the week, since the 12th was not until next Tuesday.
Then on Friday, at about 10.30am, the bomb exploded, - or perhaps I should say, Joyce exploded! She suddenly realised that the 12th is today - Sunday - and not next Tuesday.
This meant the recipients would probably not now get their cards on time since there is only one postal delivery on a Saturday.
Hence I was sent to the "doghouse", and there I was obliged to remain for over an hour, with my tail between my legs, before I was finally forgiven and let out!!
God only knows how long I shall have to remain in the doghouse, if I dare to forget our first wedding anniversary next January!!
Now you and I may think that getting dates wrong is pretty trivial, but then, many of the wrongs which cause hurt and break down relationships are trivial.
Not only are such wrongs trivial, they are usually unintentional. Few people would sit down and carefully calculate how they could upset another person.
The other thing that amazes me is how long one must stay in the dog house, even after one has acknowledged one's fault and said 'sorry'.
I suppose it is partly about punishing the person for being naughty, and also partly a desire to bring home the gravity of the offence. The more serious the hurt, the more forgiveness is delayed.
I think it is also something to do with power, since forgiveness is often perceived to be a sign of weakness, rather than of strength.
Unfortunately, the longer one withholds forgiveness, the more difficult it becomes to restore the relationship, because bitterness and resentment begins to eat away at the relationship, like a cancerous growth.
But what is even more difficult, is to forgive a person who has hurt one before, To encounter the same hurt again makes one question the sincerity of the original words of sorrow. It makes one wonder whether they can ever be trusted again in the future. So we say "I shall forgive you this time, but next time I will not".
Yet you and I both know that there will be a 'next time', and a 'time' after that, and a 'time' after that.
In view of this, should one go on forgiving and forgiving? Does my forgiveness, albeit offered somewhat reluctantly', encourage the wrongdoing? Does there come a time when we should put our foot down firmly and say 'enough is enough - I am not prepared to forgive you again’.
That is the question which St. Peter put to Jesus in Matthew 18.22. 'Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?'
Do you recall the answer of Jesus?
"Not seven times, but I tell you seventy times".
Now Jesus does not mean that 70 times is OK to forgive, but that the 71st time is not OK. What he is saying is that our willingness to forgive should be limitless.
I am sure we would all agree with that in theory, because it avoids building up walls of hatred and suspicion which inevitably leads to separation.
But Christians have even a stronger reason than mere common sense for practicing unlimited forgiveness.
That answer is also to be found in the parable of the Unmerciful Servant.
The story falls into three parts with an epilogue at the end.
The first part tells of a king who had a slave who owed him an enormous amount of money. Unable to repay, the king ordered the slave to be sold, together with his wife and children and all his possessions.
But when the slave asked for mercy, the king relented.
The second part tells of the same slave, who had just been forgiven by the king, demanding payment from a fellow slave of only a trivial debt, and when he could not pay, putting him in prison, despite his plea for mercy.
The third part recalls what happened when the king heard of his slave's actions. He said, "You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?"
The message of the parable is not just that we should forgive because God forgives us. It is much more than that. It is that our willingness to forgive should know no limit because no amount of forgiving will ever equal the number of times God has already forgiven us.
The hurts which we encounter are nothing compared with the hurts which we have already inflicted upon God. And yet he continues to forgive.
Finally, there is an epilogue to the story which we often prefer not to hear. It is this:-
“And in his anger the Lord handed the (unforgiving slave) over to be tortured until he
paid the whole debt."
And Jesus warns,
"So my heavenly Father will also do to everyone of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart".
Unless you want to finish up in the eternal doghouse, stop counting the number of times you are prepared to forgive.