05. Winter in Georgia

November 21, 1993

Notes from North Pole

The saga of life in Alaska continues.

I have just returned from a trip "Outside" as the Alaskans like to call it. The Federal Law Enforcement Training Center, located on the Florida line, called and wanted a Superintendent from Alaska at a new "Law Enforcement for Managers" training course. They said if I was willing to attend they would pick up all costs for travel and per diem.

I managed to contain my excitement and calmly said, "Let me get this straight. I'm sitting here, with 6" of snow, daytime temperatures not much above zero, and you are asking if I would like an all expense paid trip to southern Ga.?" They said they would take that comment as a definite yes.

So, I spent last week at 80 degrees on the Georgia/Florida coast. It is amazing how fast a person can acclimate. I mean to Alaska not Georgia. The first day I thought I would die from the heat, classrooms were way too hot, air conditioning was not on in the dorms, and my temper was not improved by travel down there. In order to meet the requirement of arriving prior to 10pm (EST) on Sunday, I had to leave the house at 10pm local (6pm EST) the day before.

Diana, in the mean time, kept the home fires burning. Temperatures plunged to -30 degrees with a high of about -10 degrees. She managed to stay warm blowing snow out of the driveway and confronting local officials about the snow plow knocking down our newspaper box. She also saw the start of the "electric car" season. It is time to plug in the car when parked at all local shopping and office areas. Tourists laugh at the extension cords wrapped around the outside mirrors of our cars, but it takes a block heater, battery heating pad and a heater on the oil pan to make it through the winter. I also run 5 weight engine oil (which costs $40 per change) and have replaced the crankcase oil with one of extremely low viscosity. Even with this level of winterization you have to contend with "square tires". Whenever you stop in cold weather the tire goes flat on that side. Driving on ice does not heat it up enough to "round out" so the next time you stop you get another flat side. Since it's impossible to park on the "corners" of the squares, unless you have a heated garage to round things out, it's like driving over an endless series of speed bumps.

The FLETC course was a complete waste of time. It was designed to introduce new superintendents to law enforcement. The problem was that every Superintendent there was a graduate of FLETC and had extensive law enforcement experience. It quickly became obvious that treating superintendents as if they were new trainees was a bad idea. An instructor showing up with a cup of coffee in the "no coffee in the classrooms" results in even non-coffee addicts showing up with a cup. Unlike Trainees, Superintendents show up with cars. If they are late returning to the classroom after a break and find the doors locked; well the beaches in the area are nice. Which brings me to the past week as experienced by Diana and I. Reread the previous paragraph and you will learn, as I did, why it's not a good idea to call and interrupt your wife's snow removal activities with, "I am laying here on the beach, catching some rays.........what are you doing?"

I had planned my return to Alaska carefully. My single objective was to land at Fairbanks prior to 10p.m. local time. When I arrived at the airport I was greeted with the news, "Your flight has been delayed a half hour." My frien's, if you have ever had the misfortune of changing planes in Atlanta, you know that the 45 minute layover I had planned was not going to work.

I told the agent, "Do whatever you have to do but get me to Alaska before midnight!" Computer keys started clacking. I had heard of some kind of strike and commented, "I guess the strike has screwed up the schedules."

He replied, "No the air crew is over there (pointed to a group of men and women); but, we just realized that they have not had the required rest between flights and they have to sit there for another half hour." My face must have registered my discontent. He said, "Let me see what I can do about getting you home at a reasonable time." Key stroke speed and intensity increased. About 10 minutes later he said, "Mr. Guraedy, I really tried. But I can't get you into Fairbanks before 2a.m. tomorrow." Before I even had time to reply he said, "The good news is that I have managed to get you into first class for the entire trip. Big seats, good food, free movies, free drinks. Otherwise you will not get home until tomorrow afternoon."

Big seats and free drinks registered! I did not even complain when he gave me my route: Glynco, Atlanta, Memphis, Dallas, Salt Lake City, Seattle, Anchorage and finally to Fairbanks. Diana was there at 2a.m. on a -30°F night and was very surprised to be greeting a happy traveler. "I thought you would be mad as hell at not getting your earlier flight. Why do you smell like gin?"

I knew that she would have to drive home. But, I thought I could claim exhaustion. Actions speak louder than words; but, sometimes it's good to combine the two. "Got upgraded to first class, free drinks, I'm not going to work tomorrow, why don't we go to the Pump House (outstanding restaurant) and have steaks for dinner tomorrow night?"

It's time to leave this epistle and leave for dinner with a happy spouse.