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This is the story of how God led us out of Israel to Holland. To begin this story I need to fast forward about 2 years and tie up some loose ends.
Matanya was about two years old and Aviv six years old. Marriage was still tough although there was a slight lull in the stormy seas which perhaps was in part due to the new job that Kees had, raising 60 000 chicks to be slaughtered every six or seven weeks. Working seven days a week, a car for the job, better pay which was a miracle and all the chicken that we wanted to eat, we were finally able to make ends meet and could breathe a little more freely and even have the odd treat once in a while. I also didn't need to fear anymore that people from some company would come knocking at our door to take our furniture away because we hadn't paid our bills! The relief was incredibly great! Money may not bring happiness but a lack of money can bring extreme stress and misery.
Kees's father had been suffering from Alzheimer's disease for several years and had to be taken back to Holland to be put in a home. Kees's brother approached Kees one day to tell him that he was giving him 1000 shekels to be used for a plane ticket for whenever his father was on his deathbed. I put this money in a separate bank account, never to be touched until that day came.
After a year and a half of raising chickens, Kees had had enough and decided that he would leave his job. Others with whom he was working were being dishonest which he found difficult to cope with. This was also a seven day a week job which gets tough as you are never fully rested and in addition to that, every six or seven weeks when the chickens were fully grown they were sold to the Arabs. This always took place in the fields in the middle of nowhere and the chickens were gathered in the dark, either very late at night or very early in the morning before the sun came up to ensure that they wouldn't be too rowdy. This could be dangerous as the Arabs were known to sometimes kill their employers in these kinds of situations. Although I didn't live in fear, it didn't seem like a good idea to me and for all of these reasons it seemed to me that this job could not last long so I was not surprised when the day finally came that Kees announced that he would leave his job in a few weeks time, once this last batch of chicks were raised and sold. But this was also very threatening to me because barring a miracle, this meant that we'd be plunged back into the same financial situation that we had just come out from where he would find another job which would pay him only enough to last us for two weeks. This situation was simply too painful and scary for me to think about and I pushed the thought away, preferring to cross my bridges as I came to them, hoping that this would not be.
Meanwhile Kees had also been talking to me about moving house. I was happy where we were but Kees was not and after a few conversations he convinced me that things in our appartment were not so great and that we could do better. It was hard for me to think about moving but I realised that I should consider what he was saying. Every week we would get this free booklet in our letterbox about things going on in our city and at the end of this booklet would be adverts of appartments and various things for rent or sale. I looked at this one day, wondering if there wasn't something available for us to go and look at, but after a few minutes I threw it on the couch. How could I possibly know where we should go and what was suitable for us? I felt that it was impossible for me to make such a decision. Part of the problem we had was with troublesome neighbours and it was impossible to know when moving how your new neighbours would be. I could only pray about it and put it in God's hands, which I did.
One morning, a few weeks later, I went out and when I came back I found Kees talking on the phone. This was quite a surprise because he should have been at work. After the phonecall, he told me that his brother had called him to say that his father was dying and he had come home to book a plane flight. This was three days before his job was meant to end and now it seemed like it was going to end three days early! As I walked past him, he called out after me, ''And I'll look for a job in Holland while I'm there". I could not answer. I was shocked at the suddeness of this new thought and had to chew on it and digest it, not knowing if that would be good or bad. Up till then, he hadn't had the time yet to look for a new job, so looking for a job in Holland was something to consider.
Most of my life in Israel I had felt trapped, not wanting to be there but unable to leave. Perhaps now I had a chance to get out. I recalled our honeymoon. For several reasons, it was a disaster and a terrible memory for me. As I explained in the chapter on Marriage, we had had a wedding before our congregation in Israel but we needed to get married a second time in another country in order to get official marriage papers. For this, we had planned on going to Holland which would also be our honeymoon. Unfortunately, after we arrived, we discovered that I needed certain official papers which I didn't have. The best solution for this problem was to leave Holland as soon as possible and get married in England where I wouldn't need those papers. Because of that our trip in Holland was cut short and I never got to meet all of Kees's family. I had found this very upsetting and had always prayed that God would allow us to go back for a short time so that I could meet Kees's family. Could this now be God answering my prayer, not just to visit but to live there? I realised too that if Kees got a job in Holland, we would likely be far better off there financially than we would be if he got a new job in Israel. Then I remembered that Kees had wanted to move out of our appartment and I didn't know where we could go. It seemed that more than one problem would be solved by moving to Holland! Then I considered the school and social environment for the children. I had been extremely disturbed about bringing up my children in the city where we lived which has one of the highest crime rates in Israel and where aggression and bad behaviour reigned even amongst the smallest children. Matanya was almost three years old and for months I had been looking for a suitable kindergarten for him but I was deeply troubled because I could not find anything that I was happy with. Nor was I content with Aviv's school and the laws in Israel don't permit you to change schools, ever! You have no choice but to be signed in at the school closest to where you live and if you have a problem with that you can try and fight it but the chances are most likely that you will not succeed. I was quite sure that if our children went to school in Holland that we would not be faced with these kinds of problems. Then I realised that yet another problem would be solved if we moved to Holland-- the problem of a troubled relationship with my parents. We lived only a few minutes walk from each other but I was struggling to get out from under a controlling relationship and I needed more space. Again, Holland would give us plenty of space. I began to get excited as I considered that several problems could be solved by one move. Surely only God could open up such a window of opportunity that would solve so many problems all at once?!
Kees had a plane ticket where he could choose to return either after one week or two. After he left Israel, he phoned me a few times to ask me if I thought he should look for a job and if he should take the extra week. I always answered him in the affirmative, encouraging him to take the extra week and to look for a job in Holland. Then one day he phoned to tell me that he had a job. He wasn't coming back and I could put our appartment on the market. And then two weeks was over and he couldn't use his plane ticket anymore. Meanwhile I did whatever I needed to do to get the house on the market and start packing. Not long after this, I suddenly realised one day that I wasn't sure if I had prayed about moving to Holland. I possibly had but I couldn't clearly remember. I had been certain that this was God's will but what if I were wrong?! We would not be able to reverse that process now. We couldn't afford to buy Kees a plane ticket to come back and he would be faced with a jobless situation. We would need a miracle to get through that! I suddenly felt devastated! I had been convinced that this was God's will and it still seemed that way to me but what if I were wrong and this was not God's will? I immediately confessed my fears to God and asked Him to reveal His will to me in this situation. Meanwhile, I felt that I had no choice but to continue preparing to leave Israel, unless God showed me otherwise.
Not long after that prayer, I was packing books away in boxes one day when a card fell out from one of the books. I picked it up and found a list of bible verses written in Hebrew. Perhaps this had come from Hadas, from the time that we had lived together before we had both gotten married. I decided to sit down and look up those verses. The first one I looked at was this:
I never got to read the other scriptures because this one hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt as if God Himself had been standing next to me, describing what I had been going through for so many years and then telling me what He would do for me next. As I read the third verse I considered the times that I could barely afford to buy food yet we had never actually ever gone hungry. I recalled the time when I went to the park and a lady that I vaguely knew came by with two of the biggest and juiciest looking peaches imaginable. This was during one of the periods where I couldn't afford to buy any fruit or vegetables and those peaches looked extra special. Then after a short while she nonchalently handed one to me. I couldn't believe it. I felt like someone was handing me a gold nugget! I took it gratefully, trusting that this was a gift from God. I could not eat this treasure in public. It was too special and I knew it would be messy too so I waited excitedly till I got home and savoured every juicy morsel. We could not eat what we wanted to in those days but the Lord had fed us with manna and that was just one example, an unforgettable memory of a wonderful gift that God had given me out of the blue. When I read the fourth verse, I thought about the clothes that we were wearing. They were mostly pretty old, some odd things of mine perhaps even about 20 years old, yet they still looked okay and I was content with the clothes that we had. Once in a while we received second hand bags of clothes and after taking what we wanted continued to pass them on. (This practice has continued to follow us in Holland even today! We have never asked, we were just given bags of clothes to pass around as needed!) So although we couldn't buy clothes we never felt the need to either. I thought about my sandals and the amount of walking that I did. I must have walked several kilometres every day, searching for the cheapest food in the market and taking Aviv to and from school which was in the opposite direction. I was in the best of health and had never suffered from sore feet. Only once in eighteen years had I needed to buy a new pair of sandals and this was not too long ago when we were able to afford it. Then my heart jumped as I read verse seven, that God was going to bring us into a new land. I was so grateful to read that this was a land that prospered and that God would bless us. The only thing that I questioned was that there were no hills and valleys in Holland. I decided to pray and ask God to confirm if He was speaking to me through these verses. I asked specifically that if this was a word from Him that someone of His choosing would speak these verses to me but in their own words, not from the bible, and I asked that He would do this whenever He chose, rather than the usual seven days as in my previous requests. This was because of my greater trust and faith in God and I wanted Him to do this in His perfect time and not mine.
And so it came to pass, just three days later, that Linda fulfilled my prayer request by repeating those verses of scripture to me in her own words and I knew that God was speaking to me through her, answering my prayer of confirmation. I was immensely grateful, knowing that we were on the right track. This was an exciting time for me but in other respects it was also extremely difficult. My father was sick with cancer, dying in fact, though I wasn't aware of that because I thought that he would survive. Aside from my brother, the rest of my family who are not believers found it disgusting that I would desert my family in their time of need. Yet I knew that this was God's doing and timing, not my own but I didn't know how to explain this to my family who do not believe and cannot relate to how God leads His children. In addition to that, God was leading me to come out from under the controlling relationship of my mother by refusing to submit to her power and I found myself in the midst of a tremendously heavy spiritual war. There are no words to describe the trauma that I went through as I was accused behind my back, emotionally battered and severely oppressed by the powers of darkness and at times I would go to the bathroom just to have a good scream and hope that no-one could hear me, a possibility seeing that we lived in a basement appartment. I was immensely grateful to my brother who stood up for me and helped to mediate between my family and myself. Kees also understood the problem and was supportive over the phone. I realised that God was delivering me from oppression just as He led ancient Israel out from oppression and captivity in Egypt. I left Israel six months after Kees, and arrived in Holland with my two children and two cats accompanied by Kees's brother who came with me just to help. Three days after I arrived my father died on my birthday. I was grateful that God had first given me the opportunity to bring my children to Holland because they were already a few weeks late for the beginning of the school year and I went back to Israel for a few days for my fathers funeral. God led me out of Israel just in time. Only by my being gone in my mother's time of need would she be able to find her real Saviour. This finally happened eleven years later when she was on her deathbed, after going through years of suffering and not long before my time on earth was up. The Lord had so led the circumstances that none of her children were able to be with her when she was admitted to hospital but God clearly put her on the hearts of believing friends who for a short while took her into their home and were able to minister to her till her death. In the space of a few short weeks, they loved her and fed her from the Word of God and my mother who did not know or even care if God exists, firmly came to believe in His existence and received Jesus as her Lord. I had prayed regularly for her over the years and it is heartwarming for me to know that this dear soul who suffered so bitterly is now in God's Kingdom. And of course, it is always enouraging and faith strengthening to see how miraculously God answers our prayers. No prayer is ever lost and the prayers that our Lord puts on our hearts will not return to Him void!
During my last months in Israel, I listened to two cassettes that made a great impression on me. One was on forgiveness by John Sandford. I struggled to forgive my family because of the emotional trauma caused by their oppression and accusations yet I understood the importance of forgiveness. But the emotional pain was so intense that it took me a few years to get to the point where I could forgive them but this great teaching spurred me on in the right direction. Another teaching that meant so much to me was by Rick Joyner and one of the things he spoke about that made a massive impression on me lasting to this day was this: Between the promise and the promised land there lies a wilderness. He explains that when we get a prophecy, God will take us through a terrible time until it is fulfilled. I found this to be a great revelation as I considered bible stories and also the ways in which God has worked in my own life when I had received a personal word from Him. What I didn't realise at the time is that although I was going through a terrible trial after receiving my last word from the Lord about Him leading us to a new land, that an even greater hardship would follow me after I arrived in Holland, which is the reason why I had received my word from Him-- to hang onto as an anchor while a tornado raged in my life, not only before leaving Israel but after arriving in Holland, a tremendous trial which would last for several years.
During those last months in Israel, I prayed every evening with the children. I encouraged them to pray for God's leading as to where we would live in Holland. I asked the Lord that it would be near a school and a supermarket or little shop. After a few weeks I had discomfort about requesting that He lead us to a home near a supermarket or shop and I felt that I had to stop with that. Kees was meanwhile staying with one of his sisters and was in contact with a private office which keeps a look out for housing for Dutch people who are remigrating. We were prepared to go anywhere in Holland as long as there was a school close by. Kees and I were in total six months apart and in all that time he had not been shown any houses. Though his family members thought it strange and were on edge about him not looking, he had peace that God would provide for us in time for our arrival. I finally called him one evening to tell him that I would be signing papers the next morning to sell the appartment and we'd be arriving in a few days. He went back to the office the following morning to tell them that we needed a place immediately. Just that same day, a house was being vacated in a tiny village in the center of Holland and a school was just a few metres down the road. Kees went to take a look and knew instantly that this was God's provision for us as He felt the wonderful peace of the Lord when he walked inside. We arrived four days later and this became our new home for at least the next ten years and until the day I died. About two months after I arrived, we discovered that there had been a tiny shop somewhere in the village but it was now closing down.
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Between the promise and the promised land there lies a wilderness: The most obvious example of this lies in the title. God had spoken to the Israelites that He would give them the Land of Canaan, now the land of Israel, having promised this to them through Abraham and confirming it through Moses. But first they had to get through the wilderness which was a severe trial and many perished having displeased God through a lack of faith.
There are other clear examples in the bible of this principle of hearing from God and then going through hardship until the promise is fulfilled. One is in the life of Joseph who received two dreams, the second being a confirmation of the first, and he understood that there would come a time when his family would bow down to him. But before the dream materialized he was sold as a slave and transported to Egypt and after working for Potiphar found himself in prison. Strange land, strange people, strange language, no time to say good bye, no opportunity to visit his family or make a phonecall. He was cut off very suddenly and later unjustly accused of rape and thrown into prison! We read more details about him in the book of psalms:
Joseph was sorely tested as God humbled this proud man but his dreams were his anchor of hope and he knew that this was God's plan and that God was with him. In verse 19 it says that the word of the Lord tested him, the word being the dreams that He knew were from God. His faith was surely tested when people who were justly imprisoned were being let out before him who was unjustly imprisoned and even the butler forgot to mention his name to Pharoah. We can imagine how frustrating this must have been for him yet he knew that there was a God who loved him who had given him those dreams, as well as the privilege of interpreting the dreams of the baker and butler. This tested his faith yet also gave him hope to hang on to which strengthened his faith. We can clearly see in Joseph's life that before his promise was fulfilled he had to go through severe trials lasting many years, probably something like fifteen years.
Another example is that of King David. He was anointed to be king and next thing he was running for his life from King Saul. Can you imagine the fear that David must have had when he went to Achish, King of Gad and pretended to be mad?!
But he too knew that God was with him, that his anointing was prophetic and that he could put all of his hope, faith and trust in his faithful God who would deliver Him in His perfect time. Once again we can see that before David's promise of being made king was fulfilled he had to go through severe trials lasting for many years.
We can also take Jacob as an example of one who received a word to hang on to in times of need. Jacob is not well spoken of by bible teachers which I find disturbing because he is a character that I have always looked up to, loved and identified with and I wonder how much truth there really is to him being a grabbing cheat, or whatever words have been used to describe him. Not much is written about his character but in Gen 25: 27 it is not written that he was deceptive but rather TAM meaning complete; usually (morally) pious; specifically, gentle, dear -- coupled together, perfect, plain, undefiled, upright.
http://biblelexicon.org/genesis/25-27.htm
Shrewd he was, by coercing Esau to sell him his birthright but he was also upright and he didn't bring forth the deceptive plan to get his father's blessing. He may or may not have been in favour of the plan but he was living under his parents roof and was honouring his mother by being obedient to her command.
A few verses later Rebekah says:
It seems to me that by the time Jacob returned twenty years later that Rebekah may have died because we never hear of her again. Could it be that she had died by taking a curse upon herself? I think that that is most likely. But Jacob meanwhile had to flee for his life so that his brother wouldn't kill him. I can imagine how terrified he was. This obedient and undefiled child who had loved being at home was suddenly forced to flee for his life. Perhaps he was also haunted by guilt as well as confusion as he never willingly brought those circumstances on himself but was just doing as he was told. Because of that, God gave him a dream to support and encourage him during this trial which would last him twenty years. We can read of his complaint years later to Laban in Gen 31.
This is the complaint of one who was frustrated and miserable, having worked hard and done his best for years in difficult conditions with little reward. I believe that God gave Jacob that dream twenty years beforehand to support him during his years of turmoil. Because of the dream, he knew that God was with him and loved him and that He could hope and trust in God.
And so it has been with me and with other people too, that they receive a word from God and then find themselves going through the depths of hell before the promise materializes. So if God gives you a word, watch out! He'll bring it to pass but first He'll most likely take you through a heavy trial in order to refine you.