.
Without getting too personal, I thought that this was a subject where more can be said in the hopes that people may find it helpful, as well as giving glory to God for His wondrous ways. For people who like to read the end of a book first, let me say that today Kees and I enjoy a good relationship that is continuing to get better and better. This is miraculous, considering what we've been through and also the fact that we are so incredibly different to one another in character and have totally different backgrounds. We are also privileged to enjoy a good relationship with our children and they also get on well with one another. There is also no hint of teenage rebellion in our home which we believe is due to a good mixture of love and discipline, and that is in spite of our many imperfections. I can say quite honestly that today I feel so blessed. Though we do not have a great deal of earthly riches I can also say that I feel rich because we lack no good thing. I recall the promise that I received from the Lord before I left Israel from Deut. 8: 2-10:
I can say that God has fulfilled this word and after having previously gone through such poverty this has been a great encouragement to me. We cannot live extravagantly and may not have enough for every whim (and of that I am glad) but our cupboards and table have never ceased to be filled abundantly with good food and God's peace and joy reigns in our home.
As for our relationship, I'm sure that there were times in the past when I thought that a good marriage would be impossible. My life felt like a curse and seeing that neither Kees nor I could go against our marriage vows and divorce each other, we both at times must have considered that our lives were messed up for good. But God also gave me eyes of faith to trust in His promise which I received before Matanya was born (See chp 6) that He would restore me, and therefore I reasoned He would have to restore our marriage. But how? Aside from all kinds of marital problems, we couldn't even have a basic conversation without it erupting into a fierce argument almost immediately! Kees had a tremendous amount of pent up anger from his hectic past and I was his target. Due to my traumatic past, I could not handle being verbally attacked without passionately defending myself by wildly screaming back. The rows were fierce, loud and constant, the air would be thickly charged with violence from both sides and it is a wonder that neither of us had ever attacked the other. I was sorely provoked but fear of being beaten up held me back. What held Kees back I have no idea but it took a great deal of effort and self-control from both of us not to pounce or lash out at the other and fight dirty. In all of our married life there had never been any love or fondness between us, only hostility. Ever since we were first married, Kees had gone to several counsellors and Christian psychologists, in Israel as well as Holland and on the odd occasion I had joined him yet nothing had helped. It may seem strange that we had married but we believed (till today) that that was God's will for us. Finally, after many years, there came a breakthrough, through prayer, repentence and walking it out, step by step with God.
One thing that stands out clearly in my mind is that in the very depths of my pain and misery, God in His great mercy and wisdom did not comfort me, the victim, but rather convicted and chastened me. I never thought that I was the type who needed to be chastened. Until today, I've never seen myself as being disobedient or rebellious so I find it interesting that God dealt with me in such a way. I now recognise that conviction of sin which leads to repentence is the greatest gift that anyone can ever ask for and I pray daily for more of that, for myself as well as others for whom I pray. For many years I was blind to my own sin. I simply couldn't see that I was doing anything wrong in our relationship. Today I see a bit more clearly. I have come to see that I have a tendency to be judgemental and also to wallow in self pity, as well as other fleshly traits and had God comforted me, He would have encouraged those attributes in me which needed to be dealt with. It is also not possible to be judgemental and at the same time humble so I also needed to learn to stoop a lot lower. These carnal traits could only come to the surface through painful and unjust circumstances like what I was going through where everything seemed so unfair. But there came a time when it didn't seem logical to me that I could see no sin in myself and I confessed that to God. I was desperate and asked Him to reveal something to me, anything! I also thought back to the first time I repented when I was a teenager. Then too, I considered myself a victim, but I was blessed with a true and heavy conviction of sin which led to a very real repentence. At that moment, when I was a teenager convicted by sin, it wasn't important to me what had been done to me. I could only see that my heart was filthy. Now many years later, I couldn't see a filthy heart but I truly wanted to be able to see with the same clarity, not Kees's glaring sins but rather my own. All I could see after that prayer was that I had a great, raging anger towards Kees and I confessed that to the Lord and I asked forgiveness from Kees after each raving argument. Through confession of sins to God and one another it became clear that this was leading to gradual changes and that this was the road to overcoming-- a mighty long road, but at least I had hope for the future. But it was not at all a smooth and easy path. I could not ask for forgiveness with the expectation that Kees would do so and vice versa and there were no doubt countless times when we both thought that the other should have asked for forgiveness but did not. It was truly a walk in faith that the little steps we were taking would bear fruit and we also needed to stop with the blame game, even if only in our hearts.
I recall reading a book one day by a Christian psychologist for depressed believers where he mentions that marriage vows are not needed for the good times but are meant to be an anchor during the stormy times. That was a revelation to me and I was immediately convicted of sin. I had been fantasying for weeks or perhaps months about how good it would be if we could get divorced and just forget about each other and maybe even find someone else. These reveries were a great escape from the terrible pain yet Kees and I had both specifically mentioned in our marriage vows that we would never consider divorce but instead would turn to God in times of need. I realised that even though I had not seriously been considering divorce that just fantasying was a good step in that direction and was comparable to Jesus saying that one who even thinks about committing adultery has already done so. That's because the sin begins, not with the actual action, but in playing around with the thought. Satan leads us into sin by tempting us to take baby steps, one at a time, not giant leaps. I will say that again--sin begins by playing around with the wrong thought and then Satan leads us to take one baby step and later just another tiny step in the wrong direction. Soon without realising it we have been fooled into walking far away from God's will onto the wide path that leads to destruction. I had done the complete opposite of my marriage vows--instead of turning to God I had been dreaming of divorce! I immediately confessed my sin and my folly to the Lord and can honestly say that since then I have never thought about divorce ever again and at this stage our relationship is so good that I'm not even tempted by the thought. Truly, if there is anything to consider or even fantasize about in any difficulties then let us dream about the Lord fixing the situation instead of running away from it, for He is God and master of the impossible.
It was soon after this that I was finally set free from my longings for Joey. I had carried him along in my heart for all those years. Up till then, every time that Kees and I had had an argument, he would immediately come into my heart and my mind, if only for a few moments and I would be filled with immense longing and sadness. Then I would remember that I had given him up for Christ and the words of Paul would always come to my mind --
-- and I would say to myself "I count all things as loss for the sake of Christ", implying that the precious relationship that I once had was worth nothing compared to what I had gained through Christ. But I had never had complete victory in this matter as Joey still seemed to follow me around in my thoughts after every argument and even though I refused those thoughts I was clearly still bound to him emotionally. As hard as I tried, I was unable to free myself from the bonds of love and I sometimes found myself in the grips of a tremendous spirit of sadness for having given up such a wonderful love and future and my only reward had been a life of emotional torture. Not at all a fair exchange, but though I found it puzzling I had no regrets as I was intent on doing God's will. But then one day, soon after I had repented of dreaming about divorce, he came to my mind again. This time I just said "Goodbye Joey, I have to go now"! This happened on two occasions and finally the cords that had me bound for about fifteen years were completely severed and I was set free. Why did it happen then when I had fought against this for so long? I wish I knew, but I have no idea. I still suffered though from guilt, knowing that I had hurt him when I had tried so hard to avoid that. A few days later, the Lord gave me a simple dream and when I woke up I knew that I had been released from a spirit of guilt. God set me free from those bonds in a simple and miraculous way for good! But I still had much to overcome in this present relationship.
I recall once running to the bedroom after a furious argument, crying and burying myself in the bed covers to try and shut it all out. I fell into a deep sleep and woke up extremely aggravated after having received a 'dream' from the Lord. 'Dreaming' was a new area for me. I received my first dream soon after I broke up with Joey. That was a comforting dream and I didn't receive any more dreams from the Lord until after I came to Holland, so there was a break of about 15 years. All in all, I haven't received many dreams from the Lord and almost all of them have been dreams of conviction and warning that led to repentence, many of them about preparing for a plane flight which I would just make on time by the skin of my teeth. After pondering this one for several hours I suddenly realised that the Lord was convicting me about self pity and giving in to my flesh. Wow! I was a victim and the Lord was convicting me!! I had some serious thinking to do! I was too afraid to bury myself in bed and fall asleep again after any arguments, at least not unless I'd prayed first and was in a better frame of mind.
Another time I ran away to the bedroom absolutely devasted after another wild screaming match. A verse of scripture came to my mind from Heb 13:17:
I didn't have my bible with me and I thought that the scripture said to pray for our leaders. Well, Kees is my leader so I thought that I had better get more serious about praying for him. But I was so furious and upset that as hard as I tried I just couldn't pray for him. Even through gritted teeth it was impossible. In the past I had considered that maybe I was oversensitive but had always waived that thought away thinking that anyone in my position would have a problem. But now at this very moment, I was feeling so desperate that I questioned if God really intended me to feel so much pain that it was impossible for me to pray for Kees. Was I perhaps oversensitive after all? Were there thick-skinned people who would be able to handle my circumstances differently? And what about Jesus? Would he have felt so much pain? It seemed to me that Jesus felt deeply and the scriptures say that he wept but that was not for himself but for others. I got the impression that if Jesus were in my circumstances, he wouldn't be feeling pain to the extent that I was, so badly that it was impossible to pray for Kees. I decided to pray and ask God to do a miracle, that although I would feel pain, that it wouldn't tear at my heart as it had always done so. I asked Him to make me able to bear the pain as a thick-skinned person would bear it and that all of the things that hurt me would be like water running off a ducks back. The Lord honoured my prayer and over the coming weeks I became aware that something in me had changed. I was able to feel pain yet not be driven by it into anger, rage, torment, self pity and depression. The circumstances were the same. I still considered myself a victim of emotional abuse but God had changed me and I was free to pray for Kees as the pain didn't overwhelm me anymore. I was no longer controlled by my furious emotions as I used to be. This was a great miracle because I was beginning to be able to function normally in spite of raging storms and there were times in the future that by God's grace I was even able to totally defuse arguments, either by a soft answer, a humorous answer or by just keeping my mouth shut and being at peace. Not always, but often enough that I was aware of a noticeable difference which helped to bring about changes in the relationship. And the times that I couldn't defuse the arguments, I was able to recover far quicker and easier than in the past, with one or both of us asking for forgiveness within a couple of hours at the most and sometimes after only five minutes, whereas in the past it would take me days to recover and by then so many angry arguments had mounted up that I was a total mess. No doubt about it but these were miraculous changes which was God's doing in answer to my penitant prayers.
One of the things that helped me during this period was recalling the words of Rick Joyner, something like this: Our wounds are medals of honour in heaven. Will we not regret the times in heaven when we see that we didn't use our wounds to overcome, to bless and not curse? It is also clear from the bible that God wants to raise us up to be overcomers. In order to be overcomers we need to have something to overcome and we need to overcome self, our old man of flesh. Let's take our pain as a challenge and see it from God's point of view. He wants to mold us into the image of Yeshua but the choice is ours. Will we wallow in our sorrows or use them to take us up higher and closer to God? Let us yield ourselves to Him and be like soft clay in His hands so that He will have great pleasure in molding us into the beautiful image of Jesus. This is the path that will lead us to rejoice in our suffering and overcome all obstacles. A great book to read if anyone is struggling in this area is Don't waste your Sorrows by Paul E Billheimer. It's easy to read and worth looking into. Here are also some links that I have found helpful:
http://www.holytrinitynewrochelle.org/yourti15509.html
http://www.gt7.net/inspiring/silver.html
http://www.rawfoodinfo.com/articles/art_farmersdonk.html
The last link is one of several that I have taped on the toilet door and this one jus happens to be at eye level. On numerous occasions in the past while battling self pity after an argument my eyes would fall 'almost accidently' on the last sentence: What happens to you isn't nearly as important as how you react to it. Once again I had been feeling that I was a victim and this sentence seemed to smack me in the face and wake me up! I'm writing this because I suspect that this is a common problem and I hope and pray that everyone who struggles with self pity, as well as other negative emotions caused by someone elses wrong doing, will wake up and fight against it. Of course, this is not something that we can overcome in our own strength but our God is with us and He wants us to fight this battle by turning to Him and He will lead us to overcome our carnal self in His strength. And more than that, I believe that God wants us to be so filled with His Spirit of love that He will use us to be a catalyst to turn the situation around altogether. He is master of impossibilities and if we submit ourselves to Him then He is absolutely able to do it and I can testify that He has done precisely that in our once impossible relationship. He turned our situation around completely and He is continuing to refine us both! To our great and wonderful God I give all praise and glory!!! May His name be blessed forever!!
I am convinced that God can turn any situation around. I speak not only from my own experience but also because of some wonderful examples from the bible. We have the beautiful story of Esther who put her life on the line and pleaded with the king to spare the Jewish nation. Through the humble act of prayer and fasting God turned the situation around so that their persecutor and would be killer ended up being put to death. Another wonderful example is that of Hezekiah who was confronted by the very real threats of Senaccharib, king of Assyria (2 Kings 18: 17- chp 19). Isn't it miraculous that through their humility, fasting and intercession, God turned the situation around so that they didn't need to lift a finger to fight? We can also see how God miraculously fought for Israel when Jehoshaphat, King of Judah was threatened by the Moabites and Ammonites who had come to attack them (2 Chr: 20). Through prayer, fasting and seeking the Lord, He turned their situation around totally. Instead of fighting, they sang and praised the Lord and by the Lord's own hand the enemy was destroyed and it took them three days to carry home the large amount of spoil! Our God is still alive today and is more than able to fix up impossible marriages. He is a God of victory, not defeat!
When born again believers choose to divorce they are making a declaration of defeat and bring shame to the name of God. They are actually making a statement to this world, as well as the unseen world and enemies of God that He is not Almighty. But nothing is beyond God if we would only be willing to humble ourselves, pray and seek His face. Due to a food addiction, I could not fast but God still acted on my behalf because I humbled myself and sought Him and He will do the same for any of His children! Once upon a time, I walked in humiliation because of a conspicuously disastrous marriage. For many years, I bore the shame and the agony which was written all over my sad and tortured face. But I praise God for giving both Kees and myself a conscience, which even after spending years in the depths of hell we could not ignore: We were unable to break our marriage vows and divorce. Now instead, we can glorify God's name as He turned defeat into victory, humiliation and shame into holy pride and agony into immense joy. I also greatly rejoice knowing that I didn't bring shame to God's name by taking the usual path of divorce and I'm grateful that our children's hearts haven't been torn apart by a bitter divorce but instead have a living testimony before their eyes of God's miraculous power that can soften and reconcile the hardest of hearts. Today, through a stable and good marriage we confidently declare that our God is all powerful and always faithful, merciful and trustworthy. Nothing is beyond Him! We serve a great and wonderful God! Let us turn to Him in faith when we are faced with impossibilities!
There is no room for excuses in this issue. There is no situation or bad marriage that God cannot fix. We cannot complain that our partner is abusive or is not a believer. If lives are in danger then separate but you are still married in God's eyes and the marriage vows ought to be kept no matter what. Even in these kinds of impossible situations it is up to the more mature believer to open up to God, to seek Him and repent. The above verse of scripture from 2Chr.7: 14 was from God's mouth to God's people Israel and we cannot expect an unbeliever, backslidden believer or immature believer to take the prime responsibilty in seeking God for a miracle or to behave according to our expectations. It is up to the more mature believer to seek God and a privilege to do so on behalf of their spouse. If their spouse breaks their marriage vows that does not let their partner off the hook! Our vows are not only to our partner but to God! By remaining loyal, you may well prevent him/her from perishing without God! Don't be content to leave your spouse in the gutter. Make your family your mission field and be willing to sacrifice your life for them. Jesus calls us to lose our lives, to deny self, take up our cross and follow him. If we are determined to follow him, then one way or another he will lead us to our death, if not physically then death to our carnal selves, perhaps even through a bad marriage.
In Isaiah 53 we can read a bit about Jesus suffering and we are called to follow in his footsteps. Paul tells us to give our bodies to God as a living sacrifice. We have no right to expect marriage to be comfortable and fulfilling. If it is, then that is wonderful, but as good soldiers of Christ we should expect to have battles in various areas of our lives so that God can raise us up to be overcomers and marriage could be one of those areas. But whether marriage is a mistake or not, we have no right to walk away from it. As bondslaves of Christ we have no rights at all except to sacrifice our lives to Him!
Maybe our spouse is abusive and therefore unlovable. Jesus said several things about love. In the Sermon on the Mount, he calls us to love those who persecute us and bless our enemies. In John 13, Jesus said that we would be known to be His disciples by the love we have for one another and in John 15:
In verse 12 Jesus tells us to love as he has loved us. Are we willing to love someone who may be unlovable with the same great love with which Jesus loves us? We can only grow in love by being tested to our limits by the unlovable while abiding in God. This is a supernatural work but we have to be willing. Are you? We may find ourselves heavily afflicted and also tremendously humiliated as it appears the those around us that we are not in the will of God but we can consider it a great privilege that God loves us so much that He wants to mold us into the image of Yeshua and raise us up to be overcomers to rule and reign with Christ. We may complain that we can't function in such a bad marriage, but God doesn't expect us to when He is breaking us. Perhaps you may say that the stress is too much to cope with and is affecting your ministry but Jesus told you to take up your cross, not your ministry. He can find someone else to take your place, if need be. You are not indespensable. If we need to lay something down then it had better be our ministry and not our cross. When God has finished crushing you, He will build you up and you will be far more effective in ministry.
We tend to think that if our marriage is not working out that it was a mistake. Perhaps not! If we are truly devoted to God and His purposes, then it's only a matter of time when He will break us in order to mold us into the beautiful image of Yeshua and He may use marriage to do that. And if we have married out of God's will, it is still His will that we remain faithful to our spouse and God will still work it out for our good. As Kees says, the only rights we have as believers are to give up our rights. As Jesus says, those who lose their lives will find it and by sacrificing our lives for our spouse we could be saving their lives. One thing I know-- the rewards are out of this world. I have had many more years of hell than fulfillment in my marriage and in spite of the years of agony, it has been more than worth it. Today, when I think back, I so much appreciate that the Lord in His great wisdom and mercy convicted me and chastened me. This has shown me that He is my true Father who cared enough to push me beyond myself and lead me to overcome my flesh. I have loved the Lord and have always sought His will for my life but I came to realise that I was like one of those five maidens in Matt.25 who fell asleep without oil in the lamp while waiting for my Lord. That is why He convicted me, time and time again, not to wallow in my sorrows but to wake up, worship Him and overcome my sorrows in His strength. I thank my God of mercy that He never left me where I was, but prodded me on to overcome self and a disastrous marriage. I thank Him for His wonderful convictions which lead to repentence. I thank Him for everything that I've been through and I thank Him for where He has taken me till today! The agony was more than worth it and if it were necessary I would go through it all over again! Great is the mercy of our God and I echo what King David wrote:
I'd also like to mention that God has dealt with Kees too, but differently, and Kees is continuing to change for the better. Seldom do we argue and every moment together is a miraculous moment! Kees is proving to be a good husband, father and a wonderful man of God and God is not finished with him yet!! But I think it's important for 'victims' to stop pointing fingers at the 'wrongdoer' and to see what God is trying to teach them.
Leo Tolstoy
It is also important to take into account that we cannot change our partners and should not even try. If we struggle to change ourselves then how can we possibly change someone else? By trying to change others we simply get in God's way and cause more friction in the relationship. At times, I have been guilty of that and there is nothing worse than being a nag or being demanding. Expectations will kill a relationship. The only expectation we should have is of ourselves--to love and pray for our spouse whether they deserve it or not. One of my greatest lessons has been, and still is, is to learn to keep my mouth shut. Instead pray, humbly seek God and put your trust in Him and He will vindicate you in His way and time. God wants to use us to turn our situations upside down, or perhaps I should say, the right way up and so bring glory to His name. He is able! But take special care not to stand in God's way by trying to change the other person. That is God's work, not yours!
N.B. People may wonder if Kees and I ever temporarily separated or may want to know my views on this subject. Our problems were severe enough that I would very much have appreciated getting away from it all and I certainly had my moments of dreaming about it but I had nowhere to run and I believe that God blocked that path from me. I was His prisoner. I simply had no choice but to fully face every storm head-on, without ever having a break and now when I look back, I believe that that was best. I think that had we had the opportunity to separate, I would have been so relieved that I would not have been able to face getting back together again. I don't believe that it would have solved any problems but rather would have created new ones. When I see how God has worked in my life, I see that He chose to break me and that He often chooses to do that with those who are dedicated to Him. Had I been able to separate that would have defeated His purpose of breaking me which led to a deeper repentence and deeper relationship with Him. When I hear of people contemplating separation due to marital difficulties, my first thought is that Satan is hoping that they will chomp down on some bait to be caught in his net. As I have already written, I believe that Satan tries to lead us astray by having us take one baby step and then later just another and so on until in a matter of time we have taken a giant leap and in this kind of situation it would most likely lead to divorce which is clearly not God's will. I believe that the only time to separate is when lives are in danger. What about when children are suffering emotional abuse? I believe that if children are not being directly targeted and their lives are not in danger that we must remain where we are and entrust ourselves to God. Although my children no doubt suffered, they survived the chaos and have witnessed God's miraculous power of deliverance. To answer in a nutshell I would say: Do not run away, but if you fear for your childrens lives then above all else, hear what the Spirit is saying.
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What had actually happened at this stage of my life was that I started going through what can be called brokenness. That's not to be confused with brokenheartedness although it can come from being brokenhearted. This is how it is described in a book called The Calvary Road by Roy Hessian, an excellent book, easy to read and well worth reading:
These words speak exactly of the change in myself. It took me many years to see that my reactions were sin. Because there was no name calling or some kind of foul play in the arguments, I thought that my anger was a logical response which it was, but I felt justified and I missed seeing my hardened heart, resentment, self pity and judgementalism etc. It was only when I recognised my own sin as expressed in my reactions and took my eyes off Kees's sins, that things started changing. It takes only one person to repent and soon enough this will have an effect on the other person. As it's written in this book, being broken is both God's work and ours. He brings the pressure to bear but we have to make the choice. Every humiliation, everyone who tries and annoys us is God's way of breaking us so that there is an even deeper channel for the life of Christ to flow in us.
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by John Collinson
Sometimes it is asked what we mean by brokenness. Brokenness is not easy to define but can be clearly seen in the reactions of Jesus, especially as He approached the cross and in His crucifixion. I think it can be applied personally in this way:
When to do the will of God means that even my Christian brethren will not understand, and I remember that "neither did His brethren believe in Him" and I bow my head to obey and accept the misunderstanding, this is brokenness.
When I am misrepresented or deliberately misinterpreted, and I remember that Jesus was falsely accused but He "held His peace," and I bow my head to accept the accusation without trying to justify myself, this is brokenness.
When another is preferred before me and I am deliberately passed over, and I remember that they cried, "Away with this man, and release unto us Barabbas," and I bow my head and accept rejection, this is brokenness.
When my plans are brushed aside and I see the work of years brought to ruin by the ambitions of others, and I remember that Jesus allowed them to "lead Him away to crucify Him" and He accepted that place of failure, and I bow my head and accept the injustice without bitterness, this is brokenness.
When in order to be right with my God it is necessary to take the humbling path of confession and restitution, and I remember that Jesus "made Himself of no reputation" and "humbled Himself...unto death, even the death of the cross," and I bow my head and am ready to accept the shame of exposure, this is brokenness.
When others take unfair advantage of my being a Christian and treat my belongings as public property, and I remember "they stripped him," and "parted His garments, casting lots," and I bow my head and accept "joyfully the spoiling of my goods" for His sake, this is brokenness.
When one acts towards me in an unforgivable way, and I remember that when He was crucified Jesus prayed "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do," and I bow my head and accept any behavior towards me as permitted by my loving Father, this is brokenness.
When people expect the impossible of me and more than time or human strength can give, and I remember that Jesus said, "This is my body which is given for you..." and I repent of my self-indulgence and lack of self-giving for others, this is brokenness."
http://www.hissheep.org/deliverance/the_dark_night_of_the_soul.html ======================================================
The Shepherd loved His little lamb,
And gave it His tender care...
And followed it with His loving eyes
As it wandered here and there.
And as He sat by His grazing flock
Who so meekly His voice obeyed,
He pondered sadly His little lamb
As again and again it strayed.
The little lamb had a loving heart,
And adored His Shepherd, true,
But would turn aside and seek his own way
As lambs will so often do.
With His gentle voice the Shepherd called,
To His loved and straying lamb,
"Come back, little one, for you are not safe
Unless you are where I am."
But still the lamb would soon forget
And unthinkingly wander away,
And not really noticing what he did,
From the Shepherd's side would stray.
Until one day, the Shepherd kind
Took His rod in His gentle hand,
And what He then did seemed so cruel
That the lamb could not understand.
For with one sharp and well-aimed blow
Down the rod so swiftly came
That it broke the leg of the little lamb
And left it crippled, and lame.
Then the little lamb, with a cry of pain,
Fell down upon his knees...
And looked up at his Shepherd, as though to say,
"Won't you explain this, please?"
Then he saw the love in the Shepherd's eyes
As the tears ran down His face,
As He tenderly set the broken bone,
And bound it back in it's place.
Now he was utterly helpless,
He could not even stand!
He must trust himself completely
To his Shepherd's loving hand.
Then day by day, 'till the lamb was healed
From the flock he was kept apart...
And carried about in the Shepherd's arms,
And cradled near to His heart.
And the Shepherd would whisper gentle words
Into his now listening ear...
Thus he heard sweet words of love
That the other sheep could not hear.
He felt the warmth of the Shepherd's arms
And the beat of His faithful heart...
Until it came a blessing to seem,
By his weakness to be set apart.
Every need of the little lamb
By his Shepherd so fully was met
That through his brokenness he learned
What he never again would forget.
And as the broken bone was healed,
And once more became whole and strong...
Wherever the Shepherd's path would lead,
The lamb would follow along.
Thus at the Shepherd's side he walked
So closely, day by day,
For once a lamb has a broken leg
It will never again go astray.
For the cords of love had bound it so
In its hour of weakness and need...
That it had no desire to wander away,
When once again it was freed.
Could it be you are broken today,
And you cannot understand
The painful blow of the Shepherd's rod
Nor believe it came from His hand?
He only seeks, by this painful thing,
For a time to call you apart...
To cradle you close in His loving arms,
And draw you near to His heart.
So look up into your Shepherd's eyes,
And earnestly seek His face...
And prove in the hour of your weakness and need
The sufficiency of His grace.
For as you are borne in His loving arms,
And carried there, day by day...
He will bind you so close with the cords of His love
That never again will you stray!
author unknown