.
Those trials of which I have written are something of the past now and I can see from every trial that God has been merciful and delivered me, sometimes suddenly and dramatically and other times very gradually, not in my time but in His perfect time.
But my afflictions are far from over. After coming to Holland, I began to go through a health trial and over a period of years I gradually became allergic to any kind of processed food, junk food, dairy, wheat and anything with additives. Because God had led us to a village, I found it extremely difficult to acclimatize as I was cut off from going out to do my usual daily activities. I have no doubt that God moved us to a village for a good purpose, as a trial for me to adapt to a new way of life, to learn to spend time with Him rather than go out and do my own thing and to overcome more sin which came to the surface of my heart through the trials and difficulties, as well as solving several problems of which I have already written. But not knowing how to spend time at home, not feeling comfortable going out, especially without a goal of having something to do, there were sometimes weeks and possibly months at a time when I barely walked out the front door. At the most, I just went in the car with Kees once a week to go to the supermarket, that is if we had not had a blazing argument beforehand which would stop me from my weekly supermarket outing. My life changed suddenly and dramatically from being very active to leading an exceptionally sedentary lifestyle which was physically painful because I had lots of energy but nothing to do. I had never learnt how to spend time at home and with so much time on my hands I turned to food. Gradually, I began to eat non-stop throughout the day, both healthy food as well as lots of junk and although I was aware from the beginning that my health was going downhill due to reckless eating habits, I was powerless to stop this gigantic, rolling snowball. I had been very healthy all of my life and never imagined that I could get so sick. I don't have a tendency to put on weight so it wasn't noticeable and if anything I became even thinner. The result is that I got this mysterious disease called candida, which is a fungal infection in the intestines. This is something that conventional medicine does not recognize, unless perhaps you are on your deathbed with Aids or are lucky enough to find an open-minded doctor. I did in fact go to three different doctors and they all said something different. After much research, I realised that I couldn't place any hope or faith in modern medicine which only deals with symptoms by handing out drugs and does not deal with the root cause of any illness which frequently comes about from bad nutrition and lifestyle.
Without dealing with the root cause of chronic illness it is often impossible to bring about true healing and the medical system can only offer drugs which may mask the symptoms so that you think you are getting better when in actual fact you could be getting worse. I discovered that modern medicine is really just a big money-making business and no money can be made if doctors were to tell us how to eat instead of selling us drugs yet just about all modern day diseases come from bad nutrition, a subject which the average doctor has not studied at all and can't relate to, so how can they possibly help us? I am convinced that most doctors want to help us but this world and all worldly systems are in Satan's hands, the medical system too. I believe that there are occasions where doctors, hospitals and their medicines can help us, particularly in cases of emergency and I myself have been greatly helped by them at various times so I'm not suggesting that we have nothing at all to do with them. But we do need wisdom on this issue because a lot of people have gotten hurt by the ones who were meant to help them, myself included. When it comes to modern day diseases, should we not put God first before running off to the doctor and hanging onto their every word? Should we not do our own research, consider alternative doctors too and try to take responsibility for our own health? I think of conventional medicine in the same way that I think of money--to be used when needed, with wisdom, but not to love and put our hope, faith and trust in. In this day and age, too many people, believers too, rely heavily on the medical system to solve their health problems and look up to doctors as though they are gods, not considering or wanting to take responsibility for their own health. Too many people are happy to leave that responsibility in the hands of doctors, taking the lazy way out by taking pills and if need be more pills to counteract the side effects of the first medicines. It would be far better to do our own research and learn to listen to our bodies and above all else, to first seek God's approval in all that we do--and it is possible that He may lead us to our healing via conventional medicine, and then again, maybe not.
I was at first frustrated that I couldn't buy health supplements or go to an alternative doctor but there came a time when I realised that nothing and no-one could help me get better until I got my eating habits under control. I struggled with this for many years and eventually realised that I was really in a spiritual battle. Years later, after going through diaries from when I was much younger it became more apparent that a seed of an addiction had followed me since I was a teenager. This became clear at times when I had had no work and wasn't busy and my eating habits would become eratic and spiral out of control. Generally it was an active life that had stopped this from seriously getting out of hand so the problem was not very noticeable then, not even to myself. But now that I was permanently shut in a village and shut in my home, depressed and afflicted with little to do, this problem bloomed mightily and I came face to face with the horrors of a full-blown addiction. But I praise God for bringing me this trial. He knew my weakness, and in spite of the physical consequences it has been His will to challenge me, to raise me up to be an overcomer! To Him I give the glory!
I spent many years on the internet looking into nutrition and various health problems and gradually lost faith in modern medicine. On several occasions, doctors had let me down badly by bad attitudes or remedies which didn't work or came close to harming me. Certain ailments that I suffered from, one of which was fibrocystic breast disease (which can sometimes lead to breast cancer) they never succeeded in diagnosing, and unconcerned about my pain, closed the door in my face. Eventually I discovered via the internet what I had and how to treat myself. Later I discovered via the internet that I had candida--which can also sometimes lead to cancer. Doctors had not succeeded in diagnosing this problem either, as they generally don't believe in the existence of this illness and it became clear to me that I had no choice but to walk this out alone with the Lord and go on a candida diet. Two weeks after beginning the diet, I came across a forum for candida sufferers. It was obvious that many of the people on this forum were real believers walking with the Lord in their daily lives. I have a tendency to shy away from taking the initiative in anything, especially getting involved in social situations but after contemplating this for about a week, I could hold myself back no longer and joined. I sensed that I had much to offer and in time I understood that God had led me to this site. Because I had already been looking into nutrition and health matters for several years, I was able to guide many people who were seeking answers. I loved digging out new health information and giving nutritional advice, as well as encouraging people spiritually. It was also a wonderful experience to have the freedom to be myself and express my faith wholeheartedly. I'm shy and can't stand crowds but perhaps because I was sitting behind a computer, I felt totally at home and was very 'talkative' and open. Deep and lasting friendships were formed, some lasting till my death, and suddenly life became far more meaningful. After years of feeling lonely and lost, I suddenly felt that I had a greater purpose in life and I could daily enjoy wonderful fellowship with fellow believers. I came to understand that without seeking a ministry, the Lord had dropped this into my lap. I loved it with a passion and was wholeheartedly devoted to helping everyone. But the Lord had waited until I had first learnt to spend time with Him and make Him my first and highest priority. After about two years, I sensed that God was telling me to let go of the forum, to not let health issues be my main focus and to concentrate on Him and on spiritual issues so I released that and a few months later the site closed down. Being on the forum was a fantastic experience for me. After having gone through seasons in the past of feeling worthless because I had nothing to contribute to the world, the Lord then guided me into an area where I discovered that I was in fact able to give abundantly and His inspiration of wisdom, insight, love and compassion poured out of me profusely on a daily basis. I also so much appreciate the great amount that I learnt over the years regarding health and nutrition, much of it practical information such as learning how to make healthy food, as well as all kinds of effective home remedies for various ailments. I praise God for His great goodness towards me!
But candida is known to be a stubborn illness and with all the health and nutritional knowledge at my fingertips I still struggled to get better. Part of the problem was that I was unable to stick to my diet strictly though I was able to control symptoms through a reasonably good diet. I repented openly for abusing my body and with God's help have gradually succeeded to a large degree in conquering bad eating habits but unfortunately I do not yet have total victory and I still struggle till today. In spite of my failings, it has became important for me to eat pure food for the rest of my life (not processed or junkfood) in honour of God as a sacrifice for Him and I trust that He will lead me to victory.
I have come to see how important an issue food is in God's eyes as well as the devil's eyes. Zac Poonen spelled it out well when he said that Adam and Eve fell into temptation over food and so did Esau. Yet Daniel passed the test and honoured God with His sacrifice and Jesus too did not allow Himself to fall into temptation when the devil tempted him to turn stones into bread. I believe that when walking our lives out with God that food is a far more important and spiritual issue than one would imagine and this truth needs to be brought out into the open. I believe that Satan fools us in many ways today and food is just one of the many ways.
So again, I realised that God had brought me another cross to bear, to overcome a food addiction and in fact this cross has not been any easier than the first cross that I wrote about in chapter three. But although I was still able to function normally, I continued to get more sick and after discovering a lump in my breast I knew without any doubt that I had cancer. But my conscience wouldn't allow me to go to a doctor because I had lost faith in them. I had had too many bad experiences in the past, known many others who had had bad experiences, as well as knowing of people dying from cancer treatments rather than cancer itself, including my own father. We could barely afford to buy supplements and were not in a position to seek out any kind of alternative doctor or cancer clinic. I was very open to that but it seems that the Lord closed all the doors and wanted me kept in the prison of a sick body and I learned to accept that. I knew that I had no choice but to simply walk this out with the Lord and concentrate on getting my diet right. I put my trust in God and His will for my life and more often than not I had His peace. Then one day, about two or more years after discovering that I had cancer, I went to the Lord greatly distressed while contemplating a premature death and I received this verse of scripture from the Lord:
Even though I was encouraged by this, for the first time I could not find the Lord's peace and I sensed that it was God's will that I talk to our elder's wife who amazingly turned up a few days later alone, rather than together with others at our weekly singing morning. Up till then, only Kees and a few people on the forum knew that I had cancer. I didn't want to worry Kees and seldom spoke to him about it and seldom mentioned it on the forum but at the odd times when I felt the tumour becoming active, I found it frightening to walk this out alone just with the Lord. This is, after all not a path that is commonly chosen. Perhaps no-one has ever willingly chosen such a path but I felt that I had no choice if I was to remain true to my conscience. I was simply convinced by too many stories, as well as witnessing my father dying that chemotherapy or other kinds of treatments would send me quicker to my death and most likely a more horrible death. After confessing this 'secret' to our elder's wife, my fear of a premature death miraculously left me and although I still understood that I would not have long to live (unless God were to miraculously heal me) the Lord once again granted me His peace. But still, whenever I felt the tumour becoming active and growing, I had to give my burden to God in order to receive His peace. As I contemplated this verse over the coming months, I realised that it was only logical that I would end up dying but.just as Jesus tells us to hate our family in Luke 14: 26, not meaning that literally, so it was with this verse that I received, not that I wouldn't die but rather that God was emphasizing that He would be glorified through my dying and my death and from that bring forth new life.
===================================== =====================================
Most modern day illnesses are a result of toxins, both food and environmental. We have been taught that preventative medicine is going for various check ups but this can only spot the symptoms of disease which have already manifested itself and then doctors treat the symptoms with toxic substances without considering the root cause. Even if we do get better, the chances are high that we will get sick again if we have not dealt with the root cause! True preventative medicine deals instead with nutrition and diet, what and how much we are putting into our body, promoting optimal health so that we are not faced with the first symptoms of disease. That is preventing disease rather than spotting the first manifestations!
If you consider the supermarket, there is a small section for fruit and vegetables, eggs, fish and meat which hasn't been processed. Probably at least 70% of what we see in the supermarket is processed food with chemical additives and made to be addicting so it's no wonder that people get chronically sick or obese. Even fresh minced meat may not be innocent as dye is sometimes added to give it a good looking colour and prepackaged vegetables go through a chlorine bath with added chemicals so that they will stay fresh longer. Aside from these foods, the rest of the supermarket is filled with jars, tins, bottles and packets, all having come out of factories and nicely wrapped up to look and taste like food, but the processes gone into making these 'things' have killed off most, if not all of the goodness. Together with poisonous additives you have a product which doesn't earn the right to be called food because it is not feeding us but is instead stripping us of our health. Dates are printed on packets and tins giving the impression that as long as it is eaten within a certain time frame that all is fine when actually it is proof that it is not real food. Real, good food will go off quickly (there are exceptions, such as naturally fermented foods) and most things with dates printed on are heavily processed and made to survive a long shelf-life. Not only can our bodies not utilize these 'foods' but in the effort to get rid of toxic substances they interfere with our ph balance and leach minerals from our bodies. This dead food is more toxic than nutritious and this includes foods advertised as having vitamins and minerals added as these chemicals are in a form that our bodies cannot use and are devoid of accompanying nutrients normally provided for by nature which promotes the utilization of all nutrients.
Have a look at some of the packets in your kitchen cupboard and read the ingredients. You will see names of chemicals that you have never heard of and may not even know how to pronounce. These things are toxic and this includes sugar as well as high fructose corn syrup, monosodium glutamate and many others too numerous to mention. These substances are far more than something that is just not best. Sugar for instance needs to bind to certain minerals such as calcium and magnesium and other alkaline minerals to balance out the excess acidity, so every time you eat something with sugar you are stripping your body of these alkaline minerals and the same applies to other junk foods all of which cause our blood to become acidic. The more acidic our blood becomes the sicker we get until we we die, so in order to maintain the ph balance, alkaline minerals are leached from our bones and other parts of our bodies, depending on our weak areas. We don't need to take minerals for osteoporosis, flu injections, (more toxic substances) aspirin, acid blockers, ritalin for ADD, drugs for arthritis etc. We need firstly to get rid of these poisons in our diets which strip us of health and life and then we need to figure out what it really means to feed our bodies and our bodies will then most likely be able to take care of themselves. God gave us healthy bodies and through the process of aging they will naturally get weaker but most of us suffer far too early in our lives and far, far worse than what we would, if we were to truly feed ourselves the way God intended. Most people die far earlier and a far worse death due not so much to a weak constitution but because of toxic nutrition, as well as overeating. Many people knowingly and willingly abuse their bodies while burying their head in the sand. I was one of those people and I know that I am not alone in this.
It is impossible to poison yourself and at the same time give thanks and glory to God, not if you truly love your Lord and are walking in a relationship with Him! The only way we can continue to remain in our addictive, poisonous habits which destroy our bodies while at the same time giving thanks to God is by either choosing to remain blind or by not walking in a loving relationship with our Lord! Can anyone honestly say that they can put something tasty like a chocolate bar, cake, sweets or whatever you fancy in your mouth, chew it, savour it, swallow it and enjoy it and at the same time thank God and give glory to His name, knowing that you are poisoning yourself? Many do because they have ignored their consciences! Even if you are not sensitive enough to feel the immediate bad effects, you are poisoning yourself! The same applies to coffee which is highly addictive. It is extremely acidic with no nutrient value so it strips your body of all kinds of nutrients and minerals, subtly causing all sorts of problems, such as stomach acidity, osteoporosis, arthritic problems, hot flushes etc as the body tries to compensate. Just as some people are addicted to smoking, the body may build up an insensitivity towards these beatings but you can be sure that you are poisoning yourself. Just give it a break for a few weeks so that your body is no longer desensitized and then try it again and you will see how your body reacts to the poison. If you do not react then your body is still able to cope with the beatings but there will come a time, if not sooner then later, when the party is over because our bodies do not stay strong forever.
Paul tells us to give our bodies to the Lord as a living sacrifice. Notice that he does not say that we are to give our hearts to the Lord. If we just give Him our hearts then we could have our bodies to ourselves but if we give Him our bodies then He has our hearts as well! Let us give Him our bodies and walk in purity. Let us become His slave and not be enslaved to the ways of this world and the addictions of our tastebuds.
We must understand that this world is ruled by Satan and he will deceive and tempt even the elect if he can, or should I say especially the elect. Just as Satan had his eye on Job who was so precious in God's eyes, so he has his eyes on God's chosen ones to tempt and try them however he can and God wants the bride of Christ to be purified which can only come through trials and temptations.
Most of the worlds largest agricultural fields produce poisonous or less healthy substances such as tobacco, coffee, tea, sugar and wheat (highly allergenic), yet more than half the world's population is poor and starving, some of whom are working in these very fields! Satan has seen to it that we will poison ourselves with what appears to be food but is not, and then when our health falters go to the doctor who gives us drugs so that we get poisoned some more. Ingenious, isn't it?!
It is a wonder that some people do survive the onslaught for so long but it's usually just a matter of time before you feel it! Some people's health may falter when they are children, some when they are in their 40's, and others later in life, but it's just a matter of time when we are beaten. After all there are not many people today who die of old age without disease which is what I believe God intended. But if our eyes are being opened then we need to wake up fully and not become a prey to the evil ways of Satan. We need to fight this and be determined to glorify God through our choice of a good diet which will give us good health. We need to realise that probably more than 90% of modern day ailments are the result of a bad diet which is slowly destroying us and it's up to us to listen to our bodies and ask God for wisdom so that we can discover what we need to to take out of our diet and what to add in. Taking the bad food out of our diet is just as important, if not more so, than adding in the good. We must realise that one of the ways that Satan tempts us is through poisonous 'food' but not poisonous enough so that we will immediately drop down dead. Our enemy is far more subtle and deceptive than that. He tempts us with just enough poisons so that we will get tired, have occasional aches and pains or other minor ailments, get sick now and then, gradually get weaker and later get hit with a terrible disease and eventually die a horrible and painful death. In the Old Testament that is not the way God's people lived and died, nor did they have access to the poisons that we have today! Most of the Old Testament saints died of old age as their bodies got weaker and only a few died of diseases, usually due to sin.
Most people also eat far too much and are content to live with the sin of gluttony. Perhaps this has always been so but in this day and age where everything is so easily available, gluttony seems to reign, at least in the Western world and this is another reason why so many people are getting sick and obese. As we get older, our bodies detoxify less efficiently so we naturally accumulate more toxins and start getting sick. It would actually be better to eat less rather than more as we get older, especially seeing that we naturally become less active. But for many people, not all, their bellies are their idol. Trying to reverse the bad eating habits once they have set in, as well as trying to halt the disease process is like trying to climb a mountain with two broken legs. It is an enormous challenge. Let us give God our hand and He will lead us up this mountain. For me personally, this has been a gruelling process and a tremendous walk in faith but I have no regrets, knowing that God prepared this trial for me beforehand because it pleased Him to crush me and purify me. I praise His name that He has opened my eyes to these truths and I know that with Him all things are possible. As David said when fighting Goliath, The Battle is the Lord's! For those who face similar trials, here is an article to encourage you in the right direction.
The following link is a true account of someone who turned their health around just with food. If you don't want to read it all then scroll down to the fourth discourse. Please understand that I'm not suggesting that everyone eat just as this person ate. Every person's body is different and we need to learn to listen to our bodies. But I think this is a wonderful example of someone who listened to the needs of their body and did not live to eat but rather ate to live.
Let us examine our hearts in this issue and see if any of this applies to us. Is food your idol? Do you have any addictions? Is there something that beckons to you, that you can't say no to? A cigarette or a morning cup of coffee? Do you overeat or eat when you are not really hungry? Do you put food on a pedestal before the Lord your God? If so, you are committing idolatry. I pray that God will convict you with a heavy conviction so that you will repent, that He may deliver you and set you free. May God receive all of the glory! And please, pray for me too.
=====================================
The scripture above I received from the Lord and I found it interesting to meditate on. I wondered what the Lord was really saying to me. How can I not die of cancer unless He were to miraculously heal me? On the contrary, it was logical that I would die of cancer as I never clearly heard him saying to me that He would heal me. In time, I sensed that God did in fact want me to go and be with Him. When considering other things that Jesus said in the bible, there were times he said conflictual things or exaggerated a point to get the main meaning across. An example of this is when he said that we must hate our fathers and mothers. Of course, Jesus didn't literally mean that because he tells us to love even our enemies. He meant only that our love for him must so greatly surpass that of our family that it should be as if we hate our fathers and mothers. In the same way, I don't believe that the Lord was literally saying to me that my body wouldn't die from cancer but rather that through my dying and death, a far more abundant life will come forth and that He would be glorified through that. This I believe with all of my heart, and I sense that my dying and death will bring forth much fruit in my own life as well as in the lives of my family and hopefully others too.
The second part of the above verse which I received also kept my mind busy. What does it really mean to glorify God? Firstly, the glory of the Lord in Hebrew is Kavod which literally means honour and when going through the scriptures of the Old Testament, we can see that the glory of God was the actual tangible presence of God, His brilliant, shining, majestic appearance, His Magnificent Splendour. Here are a few examples:
The bible also talks about giving glory to God or glorifying God and from the following verses we can see that that means to proclaim His greatness, His splendour and His majesty and to give Him honour. We can do that either verbally or by reflecting who He is through our actions or our being. Here are some verses which speak of God being glorified verbally.
In the following verse we can see how serious a matter it is when instead of giving glory or honour to God we take the glory to ourselves.
In the following verses we can see that we can also glorify God or give Him glory through various actions.
To sum up, we can glorify God verbally by giving thanks to Him and praising Him for His greatness or by reflecting His presence by our actions such as our humility, our generosity, by suffering in a godly way and by bearing much fruit. But as we can see from the following verses, we can only truly reflect God's image and presence by abiding in Him, spending time with Him and keeping our eyes on fixed Him so that we become like Him.
I believe that we are all called to glorify God which is a great honour. What is even more humbling is that we are called to share in His glory, His greatness, splendour and majesty, as we can see in the following verses:
Ultimately, regarding the verse that I received, I understood that I would most likely die of cancer but by abiding in the presence of God I would reflect His glory. I later understood that by the phrase 'this illness is not unto death', the Lord was implying that spiritual life would come forth from my dying and physical death. Later, I received confirmation of these thoughts when reading the book Will God Heal Me? by Ron Dunn who explains that this verse has been incorrectly translated and should rather read something like this: The goal of this sickness is not death but that God be glorified. I sensed that this was confirmed by the following verse.