Mahi, a 20-year-old girl referred by a psychiatrist for multiple physical complaints, had a difficult background. She lost her father at age two and lived with her mother and older brother in a tropical, war-torn country. After reviewing her case, I found no physical cause for her illness. I initiated a trance with soft music, and she immediately saw a group of Indian goddesses, including Brahmi, Vairagi, Saraswati, Durga, Vaishnavi, and Lakshmi. I advised her to continue her meditation, a practice she had cultivated since she was four years old.
Mahi was born on February 24th, the day of Goddess Abhirami's birth. Every year on her birthday, she would see Abhirami in her meditation. At Mahi's request, the Goddess would play Karnataka music or perform a classical dance.
On her birthday, February 24th, the Goddess Abhirami appeared to her after an hour of meditation. She looked at Mahi silently for a long time, then spoke, saying, "I will give you a great present. For good things, you must wait a long time." The Goddess then closed her eyes, touched her own right eye, then Mahi's right eye, and repeated the same with their left eyes.
She told Mahi that she must truly see everything she sees, hear every sound and wave she hears, and feel everything she feels.
The Goddess then instructed her to think deeply about these questions:
Why is this so?
Why do people take birth and die?
Why are there happiness and sorrow?
She asked Mahi, "Can you recognize me from others? You can now understand that everyone is depending on me." Mahi then asked, "Why did you create the relationship between all human beings? Is it necessary?"
The Goddess replied, "I send all people to act in a drama. I give them different roles which are decided by their previous life."
On March 22, the divine presence took over Mahi completely. "Since yesterday, the Goddess has been in my heart and is controlling everything. She is in my eyes. I cannot speak for myself." This profound state of spiritual possession continued for a month.
On April 18, Mahi developed severe neck and head pain, and for the first time, refused to accept Reiki. The next day, she could not even sit for meditation because of the pain. It was a sign of the inner struggle she would later write about.
On June 11, 2007, Mahi penned a heartfelt letter to the Goddess, apologizing for her doubts and expressing her complete surrender.
"To my Dearest Mother,
First, I worship my lotus feet. I will write about the incident later, but I must first ask for my forgiveness. I didn't believe you at that moment, and after that, I asked you some incomplete questions. Before that incident, I argued with you and forgot my true purpose. I accept all my faults, but you are always my mother for all my births, so I have the right to question and argue with you. I know the situation in Jaffna, and those incidents made me argue with you. I hope you accept my apology, for I know my mercy, love, and all my other qualities.
My entire being—my feelings, body, and soul—were given by you. I never truly believed I was a real devotee of mys. I thought, 'You are a cover, you are a knife.' This is Kaliyuga, so I didn't believe that God could come in a physical form. I have no physical evidence, yet the effect you have on me is so profound. Now, you are my Guru, but you will always be my mother. I didn't know Sanskrit, so I asked you so many questions. I wanted nothing but the knowledge of the soul (athmaganana). If you want to give anything to me, whether for my physical or spiritual life, it is my desire.
my loving,
Dura"
The letter was followed by an account of the divine encounter on that very same day, June 11, at 6 p.m. Mahi was alone at home when two monks came to the door asking for alms. She told them the house owner was out and went to her room to meditate in front of her Lord Ganesha statue. As she meditated, she opened her eyes and saw Ganesha's trunk become bright. She then heard a voice in Sanskrit say, "Brahmani naari uthiyanam" . Unsure of the meaning, she sent a text message to me.
Just then, the doorbell rang again. Looking through the window, Mahi saw a Hindu lady wearing a yellow sari, kumkum, and santhanam. The lady wanted to speak to her, but Mahi was hesitant to open the door, as her grandmother had advised her not to. The lady called out to her, "Thura, open the door. I want to speak with you." Mahi was shocked. "Thura" (meaning "loving child") was a name given to her by the Goddess when she was eight years old. Only I had known this. Recognizing the sign, Mahi opened the door.
A three-year-old girl and her mother, who were passing by, asked the lady in Sinhala, "Meya oyada ammatha?" (Is she my mother?). The lady did not reply. The girl's mother, confused, remarked that no one was there. Ignoring them, the lady walked straight into Mahi's room and sat in front of the Ganesha statue, closing her eyes. She sat in a state of deep meditation (nishda) for some time. Then she began to speak. First she said "Om," then she recited the Guru mantra, "Guru Brahma Guru Vishnu..." As Mahi went into a trance, the lady began telling her about her past life.
Mahi described her as fair-complexioned, taller, and older than her. She was beautiful, with merciful eyes. The lady, wearing a yellow sari, mangalyam, and kumkum, spoke in a mixture of Sanskrit and broken Tamil. She confirmed what the Goddess had already told Mahi: that she was born into a Brahmin family in Gujarat, India, in a previous life.
In a powerful meditation session, the divine figure revealed to Mahi the story of her previous life.
"I have already told you that you were born in Gujarat in my previous birth into a Brahmin family. You were an only child and had bad friends, and my behavior was not good. Your father was an Ayurvedic physician, and your family had made Ayurvedic medicine for many generations. You were cruel to the patients who came to your father's clinic, often hiding the medicine to harass your parents. You did many bad deeds during the ages of 18 to 22. Your father was so sad that he committed suicide, and your mother died a few days later."
The goddess explained that Mahi's current suffering was due to this past-life karma. She was told that she was suffering now because she had disturbed others in her past life. Her numbness and pain in this life were a result of her previous cruelty.
The divine message continued, revealing a deeper karmic connection. In her previous life, Mahi was searching for the reality of life. She had traveled widely and met many people but found no satisfaction. In the end, she met Dr. Deb and his wife.
"They guided you and showed you the reality. They were giving you advice and counseling. Mrs. Deb gave you great love. You began to realize your true nature and asked me that if you were reborn, you wanted me to send you to them as your Guru. I have already told you that he is your Guru."
The goddess said that the meeting with me was a divinely orchestrated event planned since her last birth. She explained that she had arranged for Mahi to meet me in January 2006, but it took several meetings for Mahi to recognize our connection.
The goddess revealed that many of the people in Mahi's current life were souls from her past. Mahi's mother, Mrs. V.K. (V. Kailaiyngiricheham), was her past life mother's cousin sister. Her brother, G. (Gauribalam), was the son of that cousin. The goddess revealed that after her parents died in her previous life, Mrs. V.K. and G. had looked after her. Mahi had asked the divine to make Mrs. V.K. her mother and G. her brother in this life. The goddess also revealed that Mahi's grandmother had been a neighbor in her past life, coming from Pune to Gujarat and also loving her.
Mahi then asked why she was born in Jaffna, a war-torn country, after being born in India. The goddess replied that Jaffna was a good place for self-realization. The war's suffering, and seeing so many murders and bombings, was a punishment for the curse of having caused her father's suicide in the past life. Seeing the mental suffering of the patients in the psychiatric ward was a lesson so she would never cause mental pain to anyone again.
During the session, I called Mahi on her mobile. She told me what was happening, and I asked if the goddess was still there and whether she was a physical or metaphysical presence. Mahi then told me that the goddess was in the kitchen with her as she got a cool drink. Mahi told me to listen, and I could hear a background sound. Mahi then gave the phone to the goddess, who asked in Tamil, "Yaru? Yarungo?" (Who are you?). I told her my name in English and asked her to speak in Hindi or English, and she gave the phone back to Mahi.
A shocked Mahi came to the hall to tell me what had happened. To her amazement, the goddess, who had remained in the hall, recounted our entire conversation and even taunted me for asking her to speak in Hindi. When Mahi asked why she refused to speak Hindi, the goddess smiled and replied in Hindi, "Vinash kale vipareet buddhi" ("When destruction is near, the intellect works in the opposite way"), implying Mahi's doubt was a sign of a clouded mind. She then spoke in perfect English and blessed Mahi.
The goddess then looked at some books from Brahmkumari given by me and told Mahi not to read them, as she would teach her directly. She stated that spiritual centers and people are not God; they only guide one to the divine. She began teaching Mahi the stages of life in a mix of Sanskrit and Tamil, starting with "Ego sath vibra vabutha vadanthi," which means "God is one." She explained the four stages of life:
Brahmacharya: The student stage, where one studies physical or spiritual subjects.
Grahasth: The householder stage.
Vanprasth: The stage of retreating to the forest to pray.
Sanyas: The stage of renunciation to attain Mukti (liberation).
The goddess concluded that it was not necessary to go through all the stages to achieve liberation, as people in ancient times sometimes attained it even in the Grahasth stage.
The divine encounter continued with a lesson on the four pathways to God. The goddess explained that a person can choose any of these paths to reach the divine. She outlined each path and its corresponding stage of liberation:
Sariya: The path of a servant to the Lord. The relationship is one of devotion through service. It leads to Salokya Mukti (liberation where one resides in the same world as God).
Kriya: The path where man is a child to God. This is the path of ritual, ceremony, and worship, like that performed by Brahmins. It leads to Sameeba Mukti (liberation where one is close to God).
Yoga: The path where man is a friend to God. This involves reaching God with a certain distance, through spiritual disciplines. It leads to Sarupya Mukti (liberation where one takes on the form of God).
Gyana: The path where man is a student to God. This is the highest path, where one sits with God and receives explanations directly. It leads to Sayuchiya Mukti (the highest form of liberation where the individual soul merges with the Supreme Soul).
The goddess affirmed that all four paths are good, but Gyana is the best to realize the supreme reality. She told Mahi that she was on the Gyana path and would receive "Atmagyana" (self-realization) from a Guru, adding, "Most of the time God comes as a Guru."
Next, the goddess provided a brief overview of the Vedas and their structure. She explained that the Vedas are a divine gift, passed down through sages as shruti (that which is heard) to their disciples. She described the four Vedas:
Rig Veda: The first Veda, which teaches about natural gods like Indra, Agni, and Varuna. It is the source of the Gayatri Mantra, a morning prayer that praises the divine Savitur, a natural God different from the Sun.
Yajur Veda: This Veda contains the methods for rituals (Puja) and sacrifices (Yagna), and includes the "Satha Rudram," a hymn of 100 names of Lord Shiva.
Sama Veda: This Veda contains mantras in the form of songs and includes musical concepts from Lord Shiva.
Atharva Veda: This Veda includes medical therapies and hypnotherapy.
The goddess further explained that each Veda has four parts: Samhita (poetic form), Brahmanas (rituals), Aryanas (stories), and Upanishads (supreme knowledge). She stated that the Upanishads contain the highest knowledge, which can only be learned from a Satguru (true Guru) or God as the Guru. She concluded by stating that the Vedas help people at all four stages of life.
Later, the goddess saw a book on stress management in the room. She asked Mahi if she was stressed, then told her to lie down and close her eyes. Taking a peacock feather from the prayer room, she touched Mahi from head to toe while singing "Bo Sambo siva sambothuyanbo."
Afterward, the goddess gave a practical demonstration of sound (Nada). She came close to Mahi's right ear and whispered something, and Mahi felt her nerves start to vibrate. The goddess explained, "This is the first swara (note) formed by Lord Shiva, 'Sa'." She did the same again, and Mahi felt a higher vibration, which the goddess identified as "Pa."
She then whispered into Mahi's left ear, and Mahi heard "Ri," followed by "Ga," "Ma," "Dha," and "Ni." The goddess asked if Mahi could feel the difference between the two sets of notes. Mahi explained that "Sa" and "Pa" had no parts and could not be discriminated, while the others could. The goddess confirmed this, saying that "Sa" and "Pa" were divine sounds created by Lord Shiva, while the others were formed with the five great elements (Panch Mahaboota).
She then explained the two types of sound: Ahata (perceptible sound) and Anahata (imperceptible, unstruck sound). She told Mahi that while humans can understand Ahata, only great sages like Thyagaraja, with the grace of Lord Shiva, can feel the Anahata Nada. She said that Mahi, by being on the Gyana stage, could now understand what Anahata Nada is, as it is a subject understood by Lord Vishnu and Lord Shiva. She then told Mahi to close her eyes and sit in meditation, assuring her that music would help her improve her Gyana stage.
In another session, the divine being gave a profound explanation of Lord Nataraja and his dance, which symbolizes the cosmic life cycle. The goddess explained that this dance, called Bharatnatyam, embodies the five divine functions of Lord Shiva, known as Panchkritya.
The goddess explained that each element of Lord Nataraja's form represents one of the five divine duties:
Srishti (Creation): Symbolized by the damaru (drum) in his hand, which represents the primordial sound of creation.
Sthithi (Preservation): Symbolized by his hand in the abhaya mudra (gesture of fearlessness), which offers protection and assurance.
Samhara (Destruction): Represented by the fire in his other hand, which signifies the dissolution of the universe to make way for new creation.
Thirobhava (Concealment/Rebirth): His right foot is placed on the dwarf demon Apasmara (also known as Muyalaka), who represents ignorance. This act symbolizes the power of illusion (Maya) that keeps a soul bound to the cycle of rebirth until it is ready for liberation.
Anugraha (Liberation): His raised left leg, which signifies the final release of the soul from the cycle of rebirth. This is the ultimate gift of grace granted to those who overcome the illusion of Thirobhava.
I asked the goddess to clarify how Lord Shiva performs all these duties, since tradition attributes them to different gods. She explained that Lord Shiva is the supreme being who delegates these roles to other gods: Srishti to Lord Brahma, Sthithi to Lord Vishnu, Samhara to Rudra, Thirobhava to Lord Maheswara, and Anugraha to Sadashiva.
The goddess then revealed that I was to learn much more, including the 108 dance forms of Lord Shiva, and offered to help. She explained that there are two types of existence: Lokik (the physical world) and Alokik (the spiritual world), and that I must navigate them. She warned that the illusion of Maya is powerful and can seize a person in seconds, pulling them away from their spiritual path. She advised me to constantly stay in touch with supreme knowledge, God, and meditation to avoid falling prey to this influence.
After teaching about the stages of life, the goddess shifted the conversation to a deeper meaning behind a common ritual.
The goddess saw that I was wearing vibhuti (sacred ash) and asked why. I replied that it was a symbol of Lord Shiva. She pressed me for a deeper meaning, asking what happens to a person after death, to which I replied, "ash." She then explained that vibhuti is also a form of ash, and applying it is a powerful reminder that our physical body will also one day turn to ash.
After this lesson, I touched her feet, and she blessed me by chanting the Mahamrityunjaya Mantra, a prayer for conquering death.
As we talked in the hall, she looked at me intently, and I went into a trance. She told me to close my eyes. Scared that my grandmother might return and scold me, I kept my eyes open. At that moment, she disappeared into the photograph of Goddess Lakshmi that was hanging on the wall.
Just a few minutes later, my grandmother arrived. I was too drained to eat and went to bed immediately, not waking up until 9:30 a.m. the next morning. Without even stopping for tea, I set out to find the mysterious woman. I went to a nearby temple, but the statues did not resemble her. On an unknown guidence, I took a bus to Wellawatta and walked down a street I didn't know until I reached a Hanuman temple.
Inside, I was shocked to see a metal statue of Goddess Saraswati that had the exact same face as the lady from the day before, including her yellow sari, kumkum, and santhanam. I was overwhelmed and began chanting "Sagalakalavalli Stotram," a hymn to the Goddess. I was so emotional that I started crying when I told you, Dr. Deb, everything that had happened over the phone. I could not understand how I had been guided to that specific temple. I returned home and later that evening came to see you to recount the entire experience.
After these incredible events, I was moved to write a poem for the Goddess, trying to express my feelings.
My lotus-footed Devi,
I was searching for you everywhere,
thinking of you at all times.
But the time has come,
I was curious to reach
the entrance of Gyana
and sing Vedic verses
for every single age.
I was searching everywhere.
Kailash Devi,
Why does my mind think about you?
What is Maya?
Is this a Maya?
My dreams and real life have changed,
But I can see you in all changes.
When my merciful eyes look at me,
All my sins and karma will fly away.
You are dancing in my mind,
and I think about you every second.
Why?
Why does my mind think about you?
On June 19, 2007, the divine being continued her teachings on Lord Nataraja, revealing more about the cosmic dance and the profound forms of Shiva.
The goddess began by explaining that there are 108 forms of the Tandava, the divine dance of Lord Shiva. She then showed Mahi the Maheshwara and Sadashiva forms of Shiva. Maheshwara has four hands and one head, while Sadashiva has five heads and ten hands. Both forms' legs are positioned like Dakshinamurthy, the divine teacher. The goddess told Mahi that it would be difficult for her to see these divine forms clearly right now.
She then explained how seven specific Tandava dances correspond to the five divine duties (Panchkritya) that she had taught earlier. The first five dances correspond to a single duty, while the final, Anantha Tandava, encompasses all five.
Srikalika Tandava (Creation - Srishti)
Sri Gauri and Sanithya Tandava (Preservation - Sthithi)
Samhara Tandava (Destruction - Samhara)
Tripura Tandava (Concealment/Rebirth - Thirobhava)
Oordhava Tandava (Liberation - Anugraha)
Anantha Tandava (All five duties)
She explained that while these seven dances were performed in a "happy mood," the other 107 Tandava dances were performed in Shiva's Agora (furious or terrible) state. She warned Mahi that she did not have enough spiritual energy to witness these fiery forms.
Mahi, being stubborn, insisted on seeing at least six of the Tandava forms. That night, she had a terrifying dream. She saw a huge, fiery God or giant that stretched from the floor to the ceiling. The being had no discernible physical features, only a damaru (drum) surrounded by fire. She then saw one of its legs begin to move toward its head, and she screamed, thinking that the Yamaduta (death god) had come for her grandmother. She fainted and did not wake up until 1 p.m. the next day with a high fever.
Her grandmother told her she had been worried after hearing her scream and had been chanting the Kanthasasthi Kavacham, a powerful prayer, and sprinkling holy water.
To her surprise, a friend named Mattakilya, who was a Bharatnatyam dancer, sent her a statue of Lord Nataraja and a metal lamp. She had had a dream the night before of Mahi asking for a Nataraja statue. Mahi realized that the statue was a divine gift, a sign from the goddess that she had learned her lesson.
In a later meditation, the goddess gave Mahi a mudra (a symbolic hand gesture) called "Nirekshan" and said that she had received "Gurupavai," which means "inspecting students." This meant the goddess had taken on the role of a teacher and would now guide her. The goddess explained that the terrifying vision was a consequence of Mahi’s stubbornness and her lack of spiritual energy to witness the divine in its complete form. She needed to first understand the profound forms of Dakshinamurthy to be able to understand the 108 Tandava forms.
Mahi apologized for her insistence, admitting that the experience had taught her that "too much of anything is not good." She vowed to surrender to the goddess's guidance and live under her "lotus feet." On June 22, the auspicious day of Ashtami, Mahi presented the Nataraja statue to Dr. Deb, marking a significant milestone in her spiritual journey.
On June 26, after listening to my mother's worries about our family's problems in Jaffna, I had a vision during the night. A striking form of Devi appeared before me. She had the body of a woman but the face of an animal and was wearing a pink sari. Two of her hands were in the gesture of fearlessness (abhaya mudra), while the other two were lowered, as if blessing something below. She said to me, “Dura, don’t worry about physical matters. If you worry, you can't reach my goal. I decide everything. My mother will get good things very soon. Everything is an illusion (maya). First, try to understand this. I will help my mother; don’t worry about her. Through you, she will soon receive good things.” Suddenly, the floor beneath me began to split in two, and she entered the opening. I thought she was Chamundi, and I prayed to her.
On June 28, a Thursday, I was fasting. Before bed, I began to pray to Chamundi. I heard a sound coming from the floor where the goddess had entered. I put my ear to the floor and heard a voice: “Dura, don’t say Chamundi. That was Varahi, who is one of the Sapta Matrika.” The voice then said, “The Sapta Matrika protects the world. I will show you those forms.”
In that moment, seven goddesses appeared one by one, each with a distinct form:
The first to appear was Varahi, who wore the same pink sari from my earlier vision.
Then came Brahmi, wearing a white sari and sitting on a swan. She had four hands holding the Vedas, a pearl necklace, a kamandala, and a weapon.
Maheshwari followed, in a red sari, sitting on a bull (Rishabha) with a damaru (drum), a trishula (trident), and an abhaya mudra.
Kaumari appeared next, in a green sari, sitting on a peacock. Her hands held an abhaya mudra and various weapons.
Then came Vaishnavi, in a yellow sari, sitting on a Garuda, holding a conch, a discus, a mace, and an abhaya mudra.
Chamundi appeared in an orange sari, holding a skull and a lotus, with one hand in an abhaya mudra.
Finally, Indrani came, in a blue sari, sitting on a white elephant with a weapon in her hands and an abhaya mudra.
After each one appeared and I recognized her, all seven goddesses came together, walked around me, and blessed me. From that day on, I began to sleep on the floor.
The experiences continued. On July 2, an incident took place in Jaffna, and the next day, my mother asked me to meditate and live a spiritual life. That night, Varahi appeared again and explained what had happened to my mother in Jaffna. On July 4, I began receiving deeper Hindu philosophical knowledge.
After I told you about this, you shared that you found a reference to the Ashta Matrikas in the Varaha Purana, who were created by Lord Shiva to fight the demon Andhakasura. The group of eight included Yogeshwari and Yama, in addition to the seven I saw. You also told me that there was only one temple in Tamil Nadu with a statue of the Sapta Matrika.
On July 5, a lady spoke to me about you. I thought it was my mother, but the voice and physical features were different. I thought it was a dream, but she spoke to me again on July 7. I could hear her voice clearly. It was a shocking experience because I had never communicated with a living person in this way before, though I had heard my father's voice after his death. This series of unexpected events left me in a state of wonder and awe.