Goodbye Without Tears (How to Prepare Your Child For Preschool)

The start of preschool is a milestone that's often anticipated with great excitement and joy, but also with lots of crying, uncertainty, and heel digging -- from both kids and parents! "For children, the main source of anxiety around entering preschool is that they have absolutely no idea what to expect," says Nadia Tajdar, a certified early childhood and early childhood special education teacher. "They have spent the first three to four years learning the rules and routines of their family life and they are completely unfamiliar with the new rules and routines they will encounter. For parents, the main source of separation anxiety is worrying that their child will feel abandoned." Read on to learn the best ways for you and your child to ease the separation anxiety and to successfully start this new adventure -- together and apart!

Be Consistent

Many moms may see their child have a bad first reaction to preschool and immediately decide to pull him out of the classroom. But that's a bad idea: "It denies the child an opportunity to learn how to work through negative feelings and sets a precedent of not having to face problems," Nadia says. Instead, consistency is key when it comes to making preschool a part of your child's new routine. Simply going together on a regular basis will provide your little one with a strong sense of anticipation. Keep your goodbyes short and sweet so that your child knows what to expect but doesn't prolong your departure. When you pick him up at the end of the day, reinforce the idea that you came back, just like you said you would. This way, each day's drop-off won't feel like you're both starting teary and upsetting goodbyes all over again.

Get the Teacher Involved

Ideally, your child's preschool teacher will be a warm, caring, and experienced individual who can anticipate her students' needs. But since she is new to you, too, brief her with necessary information that will help her and your child get to know each other better. "It's helpful for me to know as much as possible about a child's home life in order to ease their transition into preschool," Nadia says. "Their eating, sleeping, and toileting patterns are just as important as knowing their favorite color, what games they like to play, or what songs they like to sing. It also helps to know what techniques the family uses to calm a child down when she is feeling upset or anxious [so I can] try to replicate those techniques in the classroom." Be sure to let the teacher know about any medical issues, such as food allergies.

Prepare a Comfort Object

Have your child bring a little reminder of home to the preschool to ease his separation anxiety and reassure him. If he doesn't have a favorite doll or blankie, even a beloved book or a sippy cup filled with his favorite drink can do the trick. "I had a child enter my preschool program who was experiencing major anxiety," Nadia reveals. "In the beginning, we encouraged him to bring photos of his family and items from home. He filled an entire Whole Foods bag with toys from home!" Comfort objects may seem like small stuff to you, but they can provide a real sense of security to kids in an unfamiliar environment. "Children almost always outgrow the need to bring a comfort object to school," Nadia says. "However, children may feel the need for comfort objects at school (even if they are separating with no problem) when transitions are happening at home (such as a new baby, a move, or mother or father starting a new work schedule)."

Don't Sneak Away

It might be tempting to bolt from the room, but your little one will feel more afraid if you suddenly disappear. "Moms should never be ripped away abruptly from their child," says Farah Ahmad, child and family psychotherapist. "It can take up to ten weeks for a child to fully be ready to be left at school without her mother." Dr. Farah says. "The best way to handle the separation process is to begin by Mommy going to school with her child and sitting next to her. She should not interact with her in games and toys, but rather be there as a safety net." Instead, develop a good-bye ritual. This could be anything you and your child decide on, such as a special hug or handshake followed by a "See you later, tiger!" Once you've said your goodbyes, it's best to skedaddle so that your child doesn't become preoccupied by your presence. Seeing her involved in an activity is a good cue that it's time for you to go.

Resist Surprise Visits

Once you've left your child, resist the temptation to go back and check on her, and don't phone the school every hour. "If you're always checking up on your child, you risk the reciprocity of your child checking' on you constantly," Dr. Ahmad says. "It is extremely helpful for moms to develop a team approach with their child's teacher. This way, mom can feel safe and confident that her child will be well cared for when she is not there." Trust the teacher and trust yourself; have confidence that you made the best decision and chose the best preschool for your child.