Lockdown suggestions

How to hill-walk during a lockdown... (if one comes again)

Hi, fellow walkers! Here is Our Indoor Hillwalking Plan:

The first thing is to build a simple rotating treadmill. I would use bits out of my garage and you would need to do the same. Alternatively you could walk on the spot, or up and down a staircase.

While walking on it, we would view the mountain path we were following (on a laptop screen or a phone) using Google Earth.

We would use Street View for any on-road sections.

And we would carry the correct map, which we would squash into a map case slightly too small for it, as we usually do.

Then we could chat as we walked, using Whatsapp or even Zoom on our phones.

To make it realistic, we would wear boots and bring in a bit of mud from the garden. Maybe we could even make a bit of snow in our freezers.

We could play back the bleating of sheep and the calls of ravens, and create a sound recording of walking poles tapping on rocks.

If the treadmill was just inside our patio doors or a large window, we would leave them open, so that if it rained we would get a bit wet. If possible, we would time the rain in with the MWIS mountain weather forecast.

Alternatively, we could pour water over our waterproofs and then put them on, to wear them wet. And we could use a fan or a hairdryer set on cold, to chill us.

We could also pour a little muddy water into one of our boots.

Alternatively, we could wear sunglasses and put on sun cream.

We could put blindfolds on once or twice, in order to get lost. We could place a child’s magnet where it would make our compass point in the direction we expected.

And anyone who has one could wear a GPS watch, the battery of which was nearly flat (as folks usually find it is).

We would wear our usual rucsacs, although not full ones if the treadmill was not strong enough. In them we would carry fruit and sandwiches – both of which we would squash a bit to make them feel appropriate.

We could also carry a thermos with a slightly loose top so that it leaks.

We would eat our butties in the open doorway or window where it was draughty.

We could toss our apple core over into our neighbour’s garden or into their yard.

We could also lose a favourite glove, by tossing it over with the apple core.

However, we would be careful to leave no other litter.

When the call of nature had to be obeyed, we would retreat to the bathroom, which would have a picture of a bush or a drystone wall on the door of it.

When we reached the summit, we could download a photo of the cairn from the internet, and we would then Photoshop pictures of us all onto it, to prove that we really got there.

If we walked hard, perhaps we could acquire and treat some real blisters, although I wouldn’t recommend slipping off the treadmill and twisting one’s ankle.

And we could have a drink at the end.

The big advantages are that this plan would save on fuel costs, and also on Pay and Display. And no-one would need to offer to drive. Oh, and we won’t need an early start.

Also I’m sure that the Mountain Rescue people would approve.

One thing I’m not sure about - are we allowed to count any Wainwrights that we climb?

if you know of anyone else who would like to join our walk, please feel free to forward this proposal to them....