Two actors – Him and Her
Him Hey, hey! What’s the hurry? I don’t like to see good customers running! Still less, lady customers!
Her [Gasping] I’m – I’m sorry! … Oh, we’re all sorry!
Him You all look right out of breath.
Her Oh, we are!
Him Sit down on this bench by my stall. But what on earth are you running for?
Her [Still gasping] We need to tell some people something. Urgently!
Him Why so fast? I don’t often see women running through the streets. And certainly not first thing in the morning! And besides–
Her Besides what?
Him Well, frankly, I’m shocked. I mean, considering what you bought from me less than an hour ago. You should all be ashamed of yourselves!
Her You don’t understand.
Him Obviously not. But you told me you were on the way to, well, to…
Her To a grave. Yes, we were.
Him You bought a whole sack full of myrrh and aloes from me. And it looks as if you are still carrying them. Are you trying to get my business a bad name? Was there something wrong with what I sold you?
Her Oh, no, certainly not.
Him Then why have you come back with them? Does the corpse – begging the expression – does your lately deceased friend want the spices, or not?
Her Well, no. Now that you ask, He doesn’t.
Him WHAT? Did he say so? Are you women out of your little minds? Who told you that you had no need of my best quality embalming spices?
Her Er – you wouldn’t believe us if we told you.
Him Too right, I wouldn’t. Well, there’s only one thing I can say. A sale is a sale. You are NOT having your money back.
Her Actually, we weren’t asking for it.
Him I will not… What did you say? Oh. Well, that’s a different matter, then. Why didn’t you say so? I thought you were running back for your money. I had you all marked down as dissatisfied customers. So you’re not dissatisfied with my myrrh and aloes after all?
Her No. In fact, would you like us to give you them back?
Him BACK? Back – why? Don’t you need them? How can you be sure? Has Heaven opened or something? Has an angel spoken to you? Has your friend risen from the dead, by any chance? Are you running to tell everyone that death itself has come to an end?
Her Ah – yes, we are. He has.
Him I think you’d better run on fast, ladies. Very fast. I don’t want my other customers hearing this. You’re going to put me out of business, saying crazy things like that.
Her Yes. We will, won’t we?
[George B. Hill, 02/3/2014]