Fountainhead_references

I have been called the most straightforward man, compared to a humanoid,  rulebreaker, most serious man ever and a work in progress in writing by my "batchmates of 4/5 years" and all these things make me proud.  Following excerpts from fountain head are things which echo me. I understand that objectivism is just another cave, that ayn rand is trying to put me in in the same way that all this is a cave for another man. but this is my cave and i like it :)

Dean : "How do you propose to force your ideas on them?"

Roark:"I don't propose to force or be forced. Those who want me will come to me."

Then the Dean understood what had puzzled him in Roark's manner. "You know," he said, "you would sound much more convincing if you spoke as if you cared whether I agreed with you or not."

"That's true," said Roark. "I don't care whether you agree with me or not." He said it so simply that it did not sound offensive, it sounded like the statement of a fact which he noticed, puzzled, for the first time.

Dean: "You don't care what others think--which might be understandable. But you don't care even to make them think as you do?"

"No."

Dean: "But that's...that's monstrous."

Austen Heller: "I've always thought that you were the most anti-social animal I've ever had the pleasure of meeting."

Roark: "I need people to give me work. I'm not building mausoleums. Do you suppose I should need them in some other way? In a closer, more personal way?"

Austen Heller: "You don't need anyone in a very personal way."

Roark: "No."

Austen Heller: "You're not even boasting about it."

To truly not care to make people think as i do is not possible for me. I have experimented countless times but it feels unnatural to me. Being a human living with others i will always have to try to change them. Because that's one important way to power. People change their surroundings to suit themselves, like i would arrange the furniture in my house everyone tries to change people around them. The difference between me and the average person is that i think logically and don't try to impose myself on others unnecessarily, I try to be efficient, one could say a pacifist or lethargic in trying to change people around me. But till now there was also the element of confusion about whether i should do it or not but by writing this down it has become clear to me that there is no other way to live. Also i like to express emotions, though i guess i do it with less vigor than other humans but that is also something i will change. The roark way of not saying, not caring , giving fuck all to all is not my style. For example i am really enthusiastic about new experiences and i truly appreciate them. 

Roark has appeared before cameron to apply for a job and they are talking.

Cameron:  "When did you decide to become an architect?"

Roark: "When I was ten years old."

Cameron: "Men don't know what they want so early in life, if ever. You're lying."

Roark: "Am I?"

Cameron: "Don't stare at me like that! Can't you look at something else? Why did you decide to be an architect?"

Roark: "I didn't know it then. But it's because I've never believed in God."

Cameron: "Come on, talk sense."

Roark: "Because I love this earth. That's all I love. I don't like the shape of things on this earth. I want to change them."

Cameron: "For whom?"

Roark: "For myself."

Cameron: "How old are you?"

Roark: "Twenty-two."

Cameron: "When did you hear all that?"

Roark: "I didn't."

Cameron: "Men don't talk like that at twenty-two. You're abnormal."

Roark: "Probably."

Cameron: "I didn't mean it as a compliment."

Roark: "I didn't either."

This is where i really differ from roark. I don't know what i want to be the way roark does. I don't think that a profession would ever be such an all consuming love affair for me. I have conducted my life like this till now with the same attitude towards education but i think its more important to have hobbies. Your work pays the bill, you must do that with sincerity but it doesn't define your life. 

Keating to Roark: "Do you always have to have a purpose? Do you always have to be so damn serious? Can't you ever do things without reason, just like everybody else? You're so serious, so old. Everything's important with you, everything's great, significant in some way, every minute, even when you keep still. Can't you ever be comfortable--and unimportant?"

Interestingly this is very similar to an argument i receive from my family. but i have never apologized for it because i have never understood the allegation ( i still don't )

Gail : "I was thinking of people who say that happiness is impossible on earth. Look how hard they all try to find some joy in life. Look how they struggle for it. Why should any living creature exist in pain? By what conceivable right can anyone demand that a human being exist for anything but his own joy? Every one of them wants it. Every part of him wants it. But they never find it. I wonder why. They whine and say they don't understand the meaning of life. There's a particular kind of people that I despise. Those who seek some sort of a higher purpose or 'universal goal,' who don't know what to live for, who moan that they must 'find themselves.' You hear it all around us. That seems to be the official bromide of our century. Every book you open. Every drooling self-confession. It seems to be the noble thing to confess. I'd think it would be the most shameful one."

"Look, Gail." Roark got up, reached out, tore a thick branch off a tree, held it in both hands, one fist closed at each end; then, his wrists and knuckles tensed against the resistance, he bent the branch slowly into an arc. "Now I can make what I want of it: a bow, a spear, a cane, a railing. That's the meaning of life."

Gail : "Your strength?"

"Your work." He tossed the branch aside. "The material the earth offers you and what you make of it...What are you thinking of, Gail?"

Roark : My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute

A lesson:

I guess the quest of higher purpose that is being trashed by gail is what i am doing. And Now i am gonna enabling my ego  to empower my id and not my superego.

" In other words i will protect my ideas by giving an explanation which is rational and which destroys what gail here said "

this is different from the way i was writing earlier, the self deprecating pacifist style that i would have employed before would have gone like this

" I don't know how despicable this quest of mine is. and now i will enable my ego to empower my id instead of my super -ego , so i will trash what gail said to protect my id by giving an explanation which i think is rational and which would be an attempt to destroy what gail said" notice the emphasis on the fact that it is my interpretation and that's all not on the interpretation itself. This is no way to give an argument. I cannot shoot myself in the leg. This is a style where i was focusing on the fact that i am a single person giving an argument. but to win an argument you have to do what hitler said. He said that people are like sheep if you give them too much liberty they  do not know what to do with it. To rule them you must not give them options for they are Stupid. This is true and now perfectly justified