Jamie in New York

Wee Jamie’s dad won prizes at a dance.

Two tickets that were booked up in advance.

A holiday to see New York,

But they can’t get the time off work.

So Jamie boy and monkey got the chance.

Observing planes for Heathrow from their flat.

His dad said, “Son, you’ll be in one like that.”

Wee Jamie hadn’t flown before,

He got excited more and more,

And asked if he could buy a baseball bat.

Pet passports hadn’t been invented yet.

So Jamie monkey had to ask the vet

To fit an electronic chip

Beneath the fur at his right hip.

Then off they drove to catch their Jumbo Jet.

The check in person was a stern Scots lass

They weren’t sure that she would let them pass

She looked them over once or twice,

But she turned out to be quite nice.

They’d been upgraded to Banana Class.

Sat up the front with wide and comfy seat,

With all the best bananas they could eat,

They’d never flown like this before,

And wished that they could do it more.

Too soon, it seemed, the journey was complete.

But just as they were lining up to land.

The pilot called, “Please someone lend a hand!

The flight computer’s broken down,

I’m scared that we might crash downtown,

The aircraft won’t obey what I command.”

Wee Jamie offered, “I can take a bash.

It sounds like blockage in the software cache.”

He thumped the console with his fist

Then gave each knob a careful twist.

The plane recovered height and didn’t crash.

This holiday was set to be just right.

They made a plan to visit every sight.

Museums, shops and monuments,

The parks and Greenwich tenements,

But first, the Empire State, that very night.

They couldn’t wait to see the famous view,

But lined up for the lift, a long, long queue.

So Jamie monkey had his say,

“King Kong climbed holding sweet Fay Wray.

Don’t wait down here for hours. I’ll carry you!”

“Remember old King Kong of movie fame?

Did you know Jamie was his middle name?

The genealogy’s been proved,

He was my uncle, twice removed.

And so another Jamie I became.”

Now, Times Square featured high up on their list

Of special places that must not be missed.

They wandered having lots of fun,

Then saw a woman with a gun,

And both knew right away: a terrorist.

The Jamies shouted to the crowds, “Take Care!

A terrorist is hiding over there.”

Because the other folk had fled,

She turned her gaze on them instead,

And roughly grabbed wee Jamie by his hair.

Wee Jamie was the baddie’s hostage now.

She threatened with a gun at Jamie’s brow,

“He’ll come to harm, so let me go.

I’ve even got some bombs to blow.”

An outcome Jamie monkey won’t allow.

He took his New York Yankees baseball cap,

And filled it with some handy bubble wrap.

He popped the bubbles by her ear,

She got confused and, in great fear,

Let go her guns and broke her booby trap.

When questioned by the press, “Were you afraid?”

“It all seemed like good fun,” is what they said.

The New York public thought them great,

They all came out to celebrate.

They even got a ticker tape parade.

It soon came time to fly off home again,

And, overnight, they slept aboard the plane.

Wee Jamie with his baseball bat,

And Jamie monkey in his hat.

They landed back at Heathrow in the rain.