Introduction to Family Narratives & Stories of Rites of Passage

In her TED Talk, Elizabeth Gruebel discusses the profound impact that family stories have on individuals and communities. As a therapist and a lover of stories, Gruebel emphasizes how sharing personal histories not only strengthens family bonds but also supports emotional and psychological well-being. She explores the roles that such narratives play in shaping identities and values, arguing that storytelling is a powerful tool for building resilience and fostering understanding across generations. 

Elizabeth Gruebel’s exploration of the power of family stories underscores the deep emotional and communal impacts of storytelling, setting the stage to understand another fundamental aspect of human culture and personal development: rites of passage. Rites of passage are special ceremonies that mark important stages in a person's life as they grow up and take on new roles in their families and communities. These ceremonies help celebrate big changes like the birth of a child, becoming a teenager, getting married, or even remembering loved ones who have passed away. According to the scholarship of Arnold van Gennep, the ethnographer and folklorist who coined the term "rite of passage", these rituals are universally structured in three phases: separation, transition (liminality), and incorporation. 

• Separation: During this phase, individuals are detached from their current state or identity, beginning their transition. This stage involves rituals that symbolically strip individuals of their previous roles, preparing them for passage into a new phase.

• Transition (Liminality): This is the transitional phase where individuals have left one place or state but have not yet entered or joined the next. They are often considered marginal or "betwixt and between" the phases defined by their community's structure. During this stage, individuals might undergo various tests or acquire new knowledge and skills necessary for their new role.

• Incorporation: In the final stage, individuals re-enter society with their new status. They are accepted and recognized in their new role or identity through specific rituals and ceremonies that affirm their new place within the community.

Van Gennep's exploration of the rites of passage helps explain how societies maintain stability and continuity despite the inevitable changes that occur over time. His work remains a foundational text in the study of human cultures and their ceremonies.

This understanding of rites of passage not only applies to literal events but also enriches the narrative depth in storytelling by providing a framework for character development and plot progression. 

The connection between rites of passage and family narratives or storytelling is powerful because it not only marks the transition from one stage of life to another but also embeds the individual within the continuum of past and future generations of their families. This blending of ritual and narrative helps individuals understand their place in the world and the responsibilities that come with it.

"The Stories That Bind Us" discusses the impact of family narratives on children's resilience and sense of identity. Bruce Feiler, who authored the piece, highlights research that demonstrates children who are well-versed in their family histories are typically more resilient and deal better with stress. These children often feel they belong to something larger than themselves, which enhances their self-esteem and overall emotional health.

The research, conducted by psychologists such as Marshall Duke and Robyn Fivush, introduced the "Do You Know?" scale, which asks children questions about their family history. This scale strongly correlated with children's emotional well-being and happiness. The article also suggests practical ways families can strengthen their bonds and improve children's resilience by regularly sharing family stories, thus creating a unifying narrative that helps them during challenging times.

In his TEDxBend talk, Ron Fritz explores the development and importance of coming of age rituals and rites of passage in the modern era. He shares insights into how his family has created meaningful coming of age events for their children, demonstrating the potential for others to craft similar, impactful experiences. Fritz's discussion highlights the significance of these rituals in helping young individuals transition into adult roles within their communities. 

In his TEDTalk, Bob Stein gives a meditative talk about looking both backward and forward, Bob Stein proposes a new tradition of giving away your things (and sharing the stories behind them) as you get older, to reflect on your life so far and open the door to whatever comes next.

For further details, you can explore more about the benefits of family storytelling and its psychological impacts in the original articles on various platforms like the Family Narratives Lab, National Storytelling Network, StoryCenter, and StoryCorps. 

Here are some examples of rites of passage:

1. Birth and Baby Naming Ceremonies: In many cultures, when a baby is born, there's a special event to welcome them and give them their name. Many cultures celebrate the arrival of a new baby with ceremonies that often include stories about the significance of the chosen name or tales of other family members who bore the same name. For example, in Christianity, the baptism ceremony might include stories from the Bible, connecting the baby's new life with their religious heritage. In India, the Namakarana ceremony is a Hindu tradition performed usually 11 to 12 days after a baby's birth. This rite involves a sacred fire and a priest who conducts the ceremony, during which the baby's name, chosen based on astrological rules and family traditions, is officially given. Family and friends gather to bless the child, and hymns are sung to invoke divine blessings. The Aqiqah is an Islamic tradition celebrated about seven days after a child's birth. This ceremony involves the slaughtering of sheep or goats, and the baby's head is shaved to symbolize the cleansing from impurity. The child is then given a name during this time, and the family shares a meal with friends, family, and the poor, distributing the meat as a form of charity.  In Japan, within a month after birth, parents bring their newborn to a Shinto shrine for the Omiyamairi ceremony. The baby is dressed in special clothes and presented to the kami (Shinto deities) for the first time. The priest offers prayers, and the baby's name is formally declared. It's a celebration of the child's health and a prayer for future protection.  Many African cultures hold naming ceremonies several days or weeks after a child's birth. For example, among the Yoruba people in Nigeria, the naming ceremony is held on the eighth day after birth. It includes prayers, songs, and the choosing of a name that carries significant meaning and reflects the family's history or aspirations for the child.
   
   

2. Coming of Age: This is when young people are recognized as adults by their families and communities. Different cultures have their own ways of celebrating this. For example, Jewish boys have a Bar Mitzvah when they turn 13, and Jewish girls have a Bat Mitzvah. In Japan, there's a special day called "Seijin no Hi" or Coming of Age Day, celebrated when young people turn 20. Perhaps one of the most well-known Latin American rites of passage, the Quinceañera marks a girl's 15th birthday. It signifies her transition from childhood to womanhood. The celebration usually begins with a Mass where the girl may be presented with gifts like a cross or a Bible, symbolizing her faith and responsibilities as an adult. The event includes an elaborate party where family stories and the girl's childhood memories are often shared, reinforcing family bonds and cultural heritage.  Among the Maasai tribes in Kenya and Tanzania, young boys undergo a series of rites leading to their initiation as warriors, which is a significant rite of passage. This includes circumcision without anesthetic, a test of courage and endurance, followed by several years living in isolation from their families in warrior camps where they learn various cultural practices, combat skills, and responsibilities. Storytelling is a crucial part of this period, where elders pass down knowledge and historical narratives to the new warriors. The Krobo people in Ghana celebrate the Dipo ceremony, where young girls are initiated into womanhood. It involves several rituals including spending time away from the community, learning about marital responsibilities, and the cultural expectations of womanhood. The ritual includes adornment with beautiful beads and traditional cloths, symbolizing their readiness for adult responsibilities. Family stories and the histories of the Krobo people are shared, linking the girls to their heritage.
   
   

3. Marriage: Weddings are a common rite of passage around the world, marking the start of a new family unit. Each culture has its own traditions. In India, Hindu weddings are elaborate affairs that typically last several days, involving multiple rituals and ceremonies. One of the central rituals is the 'Saptapadi' or 'Seven Steps', where the bride and groom take seven steps around a sacred fire, each step representing a marital vow. Another significant ritual is the 'Kanyadaan', where the bride's parents give away their daughter to the groom, symbolizing the transfer of responsibility. In Japan, traditional Shinto weddings involve a ceremony called 'San-san-kudo', which translates to "three-three-nine times." During this ceremony, the bride and groom drink sake from three different cups, each three times, symbolizing the bonding of their families and the sealing of their vows. The ceremony is typically conducted at a Shinto shrine in a solemn and reverent atmosphere. A key element of a traditional Jewish wedding is the 'Ketubah' signing, where a marriage contract is signed by two witnesses, outlining the husband's responsibilities to his wife. The wedding ceremony itself is conducted under a 'Chuppah', symbolizing the home that the couple will build together. The famous ritual of breaking a glass underfoot by the groom recalls the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, reminding everyone of the importance of faith even during joyous occasions. Maasai marriages begin with a dowry negotiation, followed by various rituals including the 'Enkipaata' (senior warrior ceremony) for men entering into marriage. During the wedding, the bride is adorned with elaborate beadwork, and milk is poured on her feet as a symbol of fertility and prosperity. Singing and dancing are also integral parts of the celebration, with songs that convey the responsibilities of marriage. Christian weddings blend cultural traditions with religious elements, centralizing around vows made before God. The ceremony often includes the exchange of vows and rings, symbolizing eternal love and commitment. Many also feature a unity candle or sand ceremony to visually represent the joining of two lives. Prayers and blessings are integral, seeking divine guidance for the couple's journey, while music and hymns uplift the spiritual atmosphere. Some traditions, like in Catholic weddings, may include Communion, emphasizing the couple's shared faith. This combination of elements creates a meaningful celebration of both love and spiritual commitment

4. Funerals: When someone dies, funerals serve as a rite of passage to honor the person's life and help the community deal with the loss. Different cultures have unique ways of saying goodbye to their loved ones. In Japan, Buddhist funerals often involve a wake, cremation of the body, and a funeral service with chanting of sutras. The cremated remains are typically placed in a family grave. A series of memorial services may follow for up to several years afterward, reflecting ongoing reverence for ancestors in Japanese culture. In the United States, New Orleans is famous for its jazz funerals, which blend African, French, and early American traditions. These funerals start with a solemn march accompanied by a brass band. Once the body is buried, the tone shifts to a celebration of life with music, dance, and singing, reflecting the belief in the joyous transition of the soul from this life. Irish funerals are known for their blend of solemnity and celebration of the deceased's life. Traditionally, the body is waked in the family home for a day or two before the funeral, allowing family, friends, and neighbors to gather and pay their respects. This wake involves both mourning and reminiscence, with stories about the deceased shared among attendees. The funeral itself typically includes a religious service, reflecting Ireland's predominantly Catholic population, followed by a burial. One of the most distinctive features of Irish funerals is the 'Month's Mind,' a mass held about a month after the death to provide the community another opportunity to gather and remember the deceased. n Italy, funerals are deeply rooted in Catholic tradition, reflecting the country's strong religious heritage. The funeral usually involves a wake, known as 'camera ardente,' where the deceased is placed in an open casket for visitors to pay their respects. This is followed by a funeral mass ('Messa di Requiem') at a church, where prayers and eulogies are given. The casket is often accompanied to the cemetery by a funeral procession, and the rite concludes with the burial or entombment, where family members might throw soil or flowers onto the casket as a final goodbye. In many Italian communities, it is common to commemorate the deceased with an annual mass to honor their memory. While not a funeral rite per se, Mexico’s Day of the Dead (Día de los Muertos) is a unique annual event where families honor deceased loved ones. It's celebrated with altars, food, and festivities that are believed to encourage visits by the souls, ensuring the souls' hearths and spirits are not forgotten. 

Ethics in Storytelling

Exploring rites of passage opens a window into the universal yet uniquely personal experiences that shape our lives. As we consider our own real-life stories within our own families and communities, the need to consider the ethics of storytelling take on a crucial role. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's warning about the "danger of a single story" reminds us that each life event can and should be viewed from multiple angles. She emphasizes that understanding only one perspective about a person or culture can lead to stereotypes and significant misunderstandings. She also notes the importance of recognizing that everyone has many overlapping stories, and by acknowledging diverse narratives, we can gain a fuller, more nuanced view of the world. 

When collecting or sharing personal stories of rites of passage, it is vital to consider these multiple perspectives to avoid reducing complex human experiences to mere stereotypes or simplifications. This approach not only enriches the tapestry of shared human experiences but also fosters a deeper understanding and respect for the diverse paths that shape our individual and collective journeys. In doing so, we embrace a more inclusive narrative practice that highlights the varied dimensions of human experiences across different cultures and communities.

The Story Center provides a great resource on ethical practice when gathering stories from others using a participatory approach. While you might not be using a participatory approach and gathering stories directly from others, understanding the principles laid out in the resource guide are important for any kind of storytelling, including your own stories. There are many different organizations that share information about ethics in storytelling including the YWCA, the Freedom Story, and Working Narratives.

Required Readings/Viewings: 

• Christine Hennebury (2020). Storytelling is not just entertainment. It's a fundamental part of being human. 

• Kate Hurst (N.D.) The Importance of Storytelling and Story Creation.

• Duke, M. (2013) The Stories that Bind Us: What are the Twenty Questions?

• Ron Fritz (2017) An Exploration of Coming of Age Rituals & Rites of Passage in a Modern Era

• (2021) Ethical Storytelling: Introduction to Ethical Storytelling 101 podcast

• (2009) Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's TEDTalk - The danger of a single story

Assignment: 

Write a personal family story about a rite of passage. (2 - 3 pages).