Develop the Habit of Being Relaxed

The Verses

I have the habit of being relaxed

Through meditation and mindfulness relaxation and more

I use these verses to unlock that door

Breathing naturally gently in time

With stillness and focus I calm my mind

Observing emotions I relax and let go

Attachments and aversions are delusions I know

I remind myself throughout the day

That I do what I plan in a relaxing way

Mindfully watching to see if I'm tense

I relax whenever the need presents

If a thought arises that causes alarm

I think it again and see myself calm

Whenever something's not going my way

By reacting calmly I make it okay

But if I'm upset and can't explain why

I give self-analysis another try

No matter how ignorant people may act

I consider my karma before I react

Putting myself in the place of the other

I remember my errors and forgive my sisters and brothers

By thinking and speaking with charity so nice

I avoid being petty and many a vice

Doing all day relaxed and unhurried

I put into practice these verses unworried

They displace negativity while calming my mind

And leave my thoughts positive unselfish and kind.

Everyday can be a relaxing day

Today is a relaxing day

Everything I do I do relaxed

I'm having a relaxing day now as I ____

I will have a relaxing day later as I ____

Everyday can be a relaxing day

Because I have the habit of being relaxed...

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About the Verses

Life can be stressful. A little bit of stress makes it harder to deal with other stressful situations - it makes us irritable. We can get caught in a negative feedback loop, a downward spiral. Over the years we may become so accustomed to stress that we automatically react negatively whenever we are in a situation that conflicts with our desires. We may react negatively out of habit. This article is intended to show you how to break that habit and to replace it with a new habit - the habit of being relaxed.

People turn to meditation for various reasons and different types of meditation are suited to different purposes. In the practice described in this article, the objective is to develop equanimity by learning to be relaxed. Meditation by itself can have the effect of relaxing the practitioner. However there are also other types of relaxation exercises that allow the practitioner to relax. Different relaxation exercises have effects on different systems of the body. Some relax the muscles, some relax the respiratory system, some relax the mind. In this context, meditation is understood to be a relaxation exercise where the mind concentrates on saying a mantra in time with the natural rhythm of the breathing. This has the effect of calming both respiration and the mind. The verses explain the correct method of meditation and therefore help the practitioner to maintain a correct practice.

The verses may be repeated inwardly or aloud. When saying them inwardly, it can be helpful to say them in time with the natural rhythm of the breathing, but that is not necessary if it is found to be too difficult. The lines should be recited in a rhythm with four beats per line. This can accommodate one or two complete breaths (inhalation and exhalation) per line. The verses should be recited calmly and in a relaxed manner so that the tempo and rhythm has a calming effect.

This practice helps the practitioner to develop the habit of being relaxed at two levels. First, by using this practice in meditation, relaxation exercises, during daily activities at various times during the day, and especially when you notice you are becoming tense or upset, you train yourself to be more relaxed. Secondly, during a practice session, if you notice you have become distracted and lose track of saying the mantra, you may also notice that some of the distracting thoughts make you tense or upset to one extent or another. As you go back to saying the mantra, and you relax away that reaction, you practice changing how you react to those types of thoughts. This also helps you to develop the habit of being relaxed.

These verses are phrased as an affirmation. The desired result is stated as if it is already achieved. If that result has not already been achieved, using the affirmation may create a conflict in the mind of the practitioner. That conflict is desirable. It forces the practitioner to recognize the difference between his behavior and his beliefs and leads him to look for ways to resolve the conflict. If the practitioner is resolute in maintaining his beliefs through the use of the affirmation, then he will have to modify his behavior and comply with the affirmation to resolve the conflict.

Be aware that this practice will take time to have an effect. Have realistic expectations. At first just try to notice if it helps you to relax. You may not be able to stay calm in every situation, but this practice can be used to regain a calm state if something happens that upsets you. Also, don't over use the verses by trying to blot out every negative thought. Give yourself time to think through the events in your life. Balance letting emotions out with letting them go. The practice in this article should help you to let go of emotions. But both letting out and letting go are necessary. Therefore it must be understood that in addition to this practice you may want to also use other practices that assist in letting out emotions. More information on "letting out" can be found in the chapter on Meditation in the section on Insight Meditation. Briefly, "letting out" involves understanding your emotions through self-analysis and through observing the physical sensations that accompany emotions and allowing them to be expressed.

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How to Use the Verses

• • Meditation (sitting, lying down, or walking)

    • • During a morning meditation practice

      • As a walking meditation when you go out for a walk.

      • If you can't sleep at night and would like to give your mind something to do while lying in bed rather then just lie there and fret or worry.

Used as a mantra to concentrate on during meditation, the verses will keep you mindful of how to meditate correctly.

Mindfulness

• • During daily activities and chores.

  • If you feel hurried or you're rushing around and you want to do things with a more relaxed frame of mind.

  • To give your mind something better to think about than negative self talk, or past problems and worries about the future that you've already thoroughly thought through.

Use the verses as a mantra during daily activities. It will help you remember to do all your daily activities in a relaxed, unhurried, and detached way and will fill your mind with positive and wholesome thoughts.

Relaxation

• • If you feel worried, angry or otherwise emotionally upset.

  • After a busy day or a stressful event.

Use the verses sitting or lying down as part of a system of relaxation exercises that may be done at various times throughout the day to keep the body relaxed and the mind calm. One possible series of exercises could be:

• • Start with a brief session of stretching or yoga.

  • Then, while sitting or lying down, repeat a sequence of relaxation exercises:

    • • Go through the verses described in this article once.

      • Focus your attention on each chakra for a few seconds each.

      • Use hypnotic induction to relax further. Mentally focus your attention on each part of the body from the toes to the top of the head and say to yourself, "my toes are relaxed and heavy, my feet are relaxed and heavy", and continue working your way through all parts of the body. Notice if each part of your body actually starts to feel more relaxed, and heavy.

      • Visualize each of the colors of the spectrum (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, white). It can be helpful to visualize an object such as a fruit or flower of each color. Notice how visualizing the colors takes you into a very deep relaxed dreamy state.

After visualizing colors repeat the series of relaxation exercises starting from the verses and continue for as long as you like.

If you reach a deep state of relaxation where the mind starts to wander wildly and you can't concentrate on the verses for more than a few seconds, it is okay to just stop and lay quietly until the mind wakes up a bit and then you can restart the relaxation exercises.

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Commentary

I have the habit of being relaxed

Through persistent and correct use of these verses, one can develop the habit of being relaxed. This is necessary because over a lifetime, one, may develop habits of worrying and negative self talk. We were not born with these negative habits, but since they were learned, we can also learn new mental habits. Using these verses correctly will help you to replace old mental habits with new ones.

Purpose of the verses:

• • Through meditation and mindfulness relaxation and more

  • Use the verses in meditation, during daily activities, and in relaxation exercises. The more you use the verses the stronger the habit of being relaxed will become. "More" refers to not just reciting the verses but trying to apply what they say, such as speaking with charity, and trying to understand things from the other person's point of view in order to be able to forgive. Doing these things will help you to develop a more relaxed attitude towards life.

  • I use these verses to unlock that door

  • The "door" is the door to the state of being relaxed as well as to the higher realms of the spirit world. As you develop your mind and develop positive mental habits you will become fit for higher realms in the afterlife.

How to meditate / relax:

• • Breathing naturally gently in time

  • When saying the verses inwardly, try to say the verses in time with the natural rhythm of the breathing. If you find that too awkward, try to breathe calmly and gently without taking inordinately deep and slow breaths, or inordinately rapid breaths. If you say the verses too rapidly or do not breathe comfortably, that can cause tension or excitement rather than relaxation. The idea is to coordinate saying the verses and breathing in a way that is calming and relaxing so that using these verses is relaxing.

  • With stillness and focus I calm my mind

  • Stillness refers to remaining physically still during meditation, and relaxation exercises. During daily activities try to move in a relaxed deliberate manner rather than making rapid and jerky movements. Focus refers to concentrating the mind on the verses. If you find yourself distracted just go back to saying the verses. Distractions are normal and to be expected. They are not something to try to overcome, or an indication of any lack of ability. Living a normal busy life will cause the mind to be somewhat "hyperactive" and that is just they way it is.

  • Observing emotions I relax and let go

  • Balance observing the physical sensations that accompany emotions with focusing your mind on something else and relaxing to let go of the emotions. Don't repress anything but also don't train yourself to be over emotional by obsessively trying to let out emotions.

  • Attachments and aversions are delusions I know

  • When you observe the activity of the mind in meditation, you see how emotions come and go, how opinions, likes and dislikes, poses, and attitudes are ephemeral and not reality, but arbitrary, temporary, delusions.

How to stay calm and handle situations

• • I remind myself throughout the day

  • That I do what I plan in a relaxing way

  • Take time during the day to review your plans for the day and remind yourself that you will be relaxed as you do each thing you plan.

  • Mindfully watching to see if I'm tense

  • I relax whenever the need presents

  • Through out the day try to notice if you are tense or upset, and if so try to find a few minutes to relax using these verses.

  • If a thought arises that causes alarm

  • I think it again and see myself calm

  • When you find yourself worrying or thinking about something that upsets you, remind yourself that you can be calm and relaxed even if it happens. Try to visualize yourself being calm when the thing occurs. This can be difficult so it is usually a good idea to start applying this with relatively minor situations. As you become more comfortable doing this you can apply it to more difficult situations. It's like skiing, you don't start learning to ski on the expert's slopes, you learn on the beginner's slopes. This is true for many of the other lines in these verses too - start trying to apply them on the minor things and you will see the truth in them.

  • Whenever something's not going my way

  • By reacting calmly I make it okay

  • If you don't have a negative reaction to something it is not a problem. We don't really worry about something happening, we worry about how we will feel if something happens. If there is something you tend to worry about but you learn you can experience it with out becoming upset you will stop worrying about it. By not giving in to the habit of reacting negatively to a situation we defuse it and we abstain from making it a problem. This can be difficult to learn. Like in the previous couplet, start applying it on the minor things.

  • But if I'm upset and can't explain why

  • I give self-analysis another try

  • Self-analysis involves trying to explore what emotions you are feeling and why you are feeling them. It is a cognitive approach which involves considering your thoughts and experiences and your emotional responses to them.

How to interact with other people

• • No matter how ignorant people may act

  • Everyone will eventually advance to the highest levels of the spirit world. However before people become so highly evolved they are more or less ignorant and that ignorance can be responsible for what we call "bad" or "evil" actions. Also, sometimes it is our own ignorance that causes us judge other people or their actions incorrectly.

  • I consider my karma before I react

  • The law of karma says that good actions have good consequences and bad actions have bad consequences. If you feel compelled to react to something someone does, consider very carefully how you react because if you are reckless in your reactions you may create bad consequences for yourself. Whenever possible try to teach by example. Try not to act maliciously. Try to do what is best for everyone, for the highest good, do not just seek revenge. If you need help trying to figure out what to do, try prayer.

  • Putting myself in the place of the other

  • Try to see things from the other person's point of view. Trying to understand why other people do what they do, can help you to forgive them.

  • I remember my errors and forgive my sisters and brothers

  • Remembering your own mistakes can also help you to forgive others.

  • By thinking and speaking with charity so nice

  • Thinking and speaking with charity means you don't judge or condemn others. Rather than focusing solely on the negative, you try to see the positive - the good in others.

  • I avoid being petty and many a vice

  • The habit of being relaxed is not just being physically relaxed and having a calm mind. It also includes avoiding thinking in ways that make us tense, such as angry or hateful thinking. The way we think about things is something we learned in the past and it is possible to learn different ways of thinking about things.

Summary

• • Doing all day relaxed and unhurried

  • Try to do your daily activities in a relaxed and unhurried manner.

  • I put into practice these verses unworried

  • Use the verses at various times throughout the day to help you keep relaxed, but in addition to saying the verses, also try to do what they advise you to do.

  • They displace negativity while calming my mind

  • And leave my thoughts positive unselfish and kind

  • When you use these verses, they fill your mind and will replace any negative self talk, worrying, and other undesirable mental activity that you habitually may engage in. By replacing negative thinking with something wholesome and positive, those negative habits may atrophy and be replaced with new healthier habits.

A Relaxing Day

The affirmations in the last stanza are intended to put into practice the first and second lines of the third stanza:

I remind myself throughout the day

That I do what I plan in a relaxing way

• • Everyday can be a relaxing day

  • Imagine what an ideal relaxing day would be. Imagine how you would feel if you were experiencing such a day. For example, you might think of a day of summer vacation back in the care free days when you were a young child.

  • Today is a relaxing day

  • As you say this line, remember what it is like to have a relaxing day. As you remember what a relaxing day is like, you recreate that state in your mind - you create that reality with your mind.

  • Everything I do I do relaxed

  • I'm having a relaxing day now as I ____

  • Fill in the blank with what you are doing at the moment. Try to relax as you say these lines. Notice how you feel.

  • I will have a relaxing day later as I ____

  • Fill in the blank with what you will be doing later in the day. Say this line with the intention that you will be relaxed as you do the other things you have planned for the day.

  • Everyday can be a relaxing day

  • Because I have the habit of being relaxed...

  • The last line leads in to a repetition of the verses from the beginning.

  • The last stanza can also be used by itself as a mantra for daily activities when the full verses are too much. It can also be used at any time during the day when you find yourself feeling hurried or you find yourself worrying about various items on your schedule for the day. Always use this stanza or the full verses, in a calm and relaxed manner. Never rush through them or alter your breathing in uncomfortable ways to accommodate them.

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Distracted States of Mind

When you first start this practice, learning the verses will probably take so much attention that you should be able to concentrate very well. Once the practice becomes familiar to you, you may find it harder to concentrate. There are two types of distracted states you should be aware of. One type is when your mind keeps being drawn into thinking about something in your past, present, or future. If this occurs it will usually happen at the outset of a practice session. In extreme cases you may find it helpful to stop practicing and write about what is on your mind. Then try practicing again. If necessary write more etc. It can often take a long time to quiet the mind when something in particular is bothering us.

The other type of distracted state is the hypnogogic state. In this state you mind wanders wildly, dreamily, on thoughts, visions, and/or words that do seem to be related to your life. This state does not usually occur at the beginning of a session. If it occurs it usually happens after a session has gone on for some number of minutes and you are very relaxed. If you find you reach this state during the practice you have succeeded in attaining a very deep state of relaxation and you can simply stop the practice and just abide in that state until you find yourself coming back to a more normal waking state of consciousness and then you can resume the practice.

If you feel sleepy during a practice session, depending on your own judgment of what you need most and what practical, you may decide to take a nap, or try a more active form of the practice. If you are doing the practice lying down and feel sleepy, you can try it sitting up. If you are sitting you can try repeating the verses while taking a short walk.

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