Art & Humor
Art & Humor
Here is a bunch of stuff I wrote or drew to amuse myself and anyone else who might be interested.
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E6B
Lyrics by: Athena Roberts
Music by: The Beatles “Let It Be”
When I find my flight plan is in trouble,
A CFI comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, E6B.
And in my examination
I can hear him speaking so clearly
Speaking words of wisdom, E6B.
E6B, E6B.
Whisper words of wisdom, E6B.
And when all the very lost pilots
Flying through the air agree,
They will get an answer, E6B.
For though it might seem ancient it beats
Using trigonometry
There will be an answer, E6B.
E6B, E6B. Yeah
There will be an answer, E6B.
And when my PC is broken,
There is still a way that works for me,
Work on until tomorrow, E6B.
I figure out my fuel consumption
A CFI says to me
Speaking words of wisdom, E6B.
E6B, E6B.
There will be an answer, E6B.
E6B, E6B,
Whisper words of wisdom, E6B.
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Put 5 gallons in the Aux
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Instead of rude warning lights and horns, crude gauges, and harping flight instructors. . .
Helicopter Haiku
by: Athena Roberts
A willing engine
It considered your request
The air was too thin
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Like a happy child
The rotor spins through the air
Heedless of your cries
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What ascends descends
Your tanks now crave spring’s fullness
Low Fuel thwarts your flight
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Hot Phoenix summer
High Density Altitude
Try running takeoff?
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Heedless of the Height –
Velocity Diagram.
Be a test pilot?
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Over TBO
Tired engine, weak airframe
Too bad you fly it.
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Your RPM fades
Less collective, more throttle
You ask for too much
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manifold pressure
limit breached – Reached for the stars?
Try the Space Shuttle
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Low G, Left cyclic
Your new rotor separates
so beautifully
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Low RPM stall
Next time, lower collective –
Relax, sing a song
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300 pounds on
each pedal – relax, breathe deep.
I’m not a leg press
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Low Oil Pressure
Lubrication is useful
But now it is gone
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Another bent spar
Botched hovering auto, the
Mechanic hates you
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Yesterday it flew
Today the main gear box leaks
Schweizers are like that
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Child slides down hill.
But, I am not a child.
Try More Left Cyclic
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A jet we are not.
Learn patience, enjoy the view
Retreating blade stall
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Now beaten into
submission – the air shares its
misfortune with you.
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Fetch the wool blanket
A fire on start up – You
inspire us all
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Your fears realized
The engine rotates no more
Lower collective
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Main Rotor temp and
chip light on. No other signs.
You feel lucky?
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We warm up and stretch
Summer heat makes us supple
Ignore the clutch light?
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The noise you ignore
is the tail rotor’s cry.
That which begins, ends.
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Another safety
notice posted. Endless ways
to die still exist.
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We want to carry
everyone, but we can’t
You tried dieting?
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Didn’t bother to
pre-flight? We admire your
courage from the ground
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Your RPM fades
as the cherry tree blossoms
Lower Collective
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The FAR you search for
exists only in your mind.
We planned it that way
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Your destination
will still be there - Lift gone now.
Retreating blade stall.
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Flying through the storm.
The courage of Samurai
you have. See them soon?
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Clear skies not as planned.
Take a chance? Yes. Too bad you
can’t fly IFR.
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Flying through light ice.
Light on intelligence too?
Get Darwin Award?
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The Schweizer was fixed.
Stayed fixed for thirteen hours.
You enjoy walking?
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The waypoint you search
for is not here. But others
exist to choose from
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Having lost all its
oil, the aircraft engine
must now be rebuilt
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We smile because
you have no chance – FAA
Abandon all hope
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A crash reduces
your helicopter to a
modern art display
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Stay the patient course
Of no worth is your ire
The Schweizer is down
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Pilot always wrong.
How can that be? We possess
better lobbyists
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Your fears realized
The engine rotates no more
Lower collective
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Your fears realized
The engine rotates no more
Pick a landing spot.
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Way too unstable?
Try not over controlling
Order shall return
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Surprise throttle chop
Your stunned look amuses me
Have a landing spot?
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R-22. No,
we don’t hold much – But atleast
we’re not a Schweizer
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The FAR you seek to
know has changed again – We give
you no sympathy
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The airport you are
flying to is one hundred
klicks the other way.
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Power surge makes your
GPS a simple stone
You have a flight plan?
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Extend Ki, transcend
your crude communication.
Radio is down.
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Three things are certain
Death, Taxes, and Expensive
Repairs. Which one now?
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Transponder offline.
Our location? Endless
possibilities.
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The fuel gauge is stuck.
How much do you really have?
You could try guessing.
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Many have survived
foolishness. However, you
won’t be one of them.
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Remove before flight.
Some people weren’t meant to fly.
Should he fly with you?
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The plum trees blossom.
You pass below ETL.
Add collective now.
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You’ve shared your secrets
with us all. Next time pull the
comm switch just half-way
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To accommodate
you all is our wish. Give way
to other traffic
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A stuck skid dashes
hopes for uneventful flight
Dynamic rollover
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Flying low and fast.
Agile as a hummingbird.
Except for . . . this time.